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MY OWN AFFAIRS 




PRINCESS LOITISE OF KKLGIUM 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 

BY 

THE PRINCESS LOUISE 
OF BELGIUM 



TRANSLATED BY 



Maude M. C. ffoulkes 



ILLUSTRATED 




NEW ^^SJr YORK 
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY 






^^% 



COPYBIGHT, 1921, 
BT OEORGE II. DORAN COMPANY 



MAR 30 i922 



PKIlfTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



g)C!.A659396 



vs 



I DEDICATE 

THIS BOOK TO 

The Great Man, to the Great King, Who Was 
MY FATHER 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER PAGB 

I WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK . . . 13 

II MY BELOVED BELGIUM; MY FAMILY AND MYSELF; 

MYSELF AS I KNOW MYSELF ,: 19 

in THE QUEEN ............ SO 

IV THE KING . ..! ;., [.-. , 41 

V MY COUNTRY AND DAYS OF MY YOUTH .... 51 

Yl MY MARRIAGE AND THE AUSTRIAN COURT THE DAY 

AFTER MY MARRIAGE . 69 

VII MARRIED 78 

VIII MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG THE EMPEROR FRANCIS 

JOSEPH AND THE EMPRESS ELIZABETH .... 98 

IX MY SISTER STEPHANIE MARRIES THE ARCHDUKE 

RUDOLPH, WHO DIED AT MEYERLING . . . . 117 

X FERDINAND OF COBURG AND THE COURT OF SOFIA . 134 

XI WILLIAM II AND THE COURT OF BERLIN THE EM- 
PEROR OF ILLUSION . 150 

XII THE HOLSTEINS .......... 160 

XIII THE COURTS OF MUNICH AND OLD GERMANY . . . 172 

XIV QUEEN VICTORIA 183 

XV THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY, AND MY LIFE AS A 

PRISONER THE COMMENCEMENT OF TORTURE . 189 

XVI LINDENHOF 208 

XVII HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY AND AT THE SAME TIME 

WAS DECLARED SANE 216 

vii 



viii CONTENTS 

CHAPTER p^nj. 

XVIII THE DEATH OF THE KING INTRIGUES AND LEGAL 

PROCEEDINGS 230 

XIX MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 251 

XX IN THE HOPE OF REST ...,,,.;,,.. 265 

INDEX ,, r, ,,, ,„ ;,; ,,, „, ^ [„ L.] r.i !.: [., 275 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

THE PRINCESS LOUISE OF BELGIUM . . . . . Froutispiece 

PACING 
PAGE 

QUEEN MARIE HENRIETTA OF BELGIUM 32 

KING LEOPOLD II OF BELGIUM 4)8 

THE COUNTESS LONYAY (PRINCESS STEPHANIE OF BELGIUM) 64 

PRINCE PHILIP OF SAXE-COBURG 80 

PRINCESS VICTOR NAPOLEON (pRINCESS CLEMENTINE OF 

BELGIUM) 112 

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 128 

DUKE GUNTHER OF SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN 168 

THE DUCHESS GUNTHER OF SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN . . . 256 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 

CHAPTER I 

Why I Write This Book 

As the eldest daughter of a great man and a great 
King, whose magnificent intelligence has enriched 
his people, I owe nothing but misfortune to my royal 
origin. Ever since I was born I have suffered and 
been deceived. I have idealized Life too much. 

In the evening of my days I do not wish to remain 
under the cloud of the false impression which is now 
prevalent concerning me. 

Without desiring to allude too much to the past, 
and to retrace the road of my Calvary, I should like 
at least to borrow a few pages from my memories 
and reflections, inspired by events which have de- 
stroyed thrones in whose proximity I once lived. 
The Emperor of Austria, the German Emperor, the 
Tsar of Bulgaria were all familiar figures to me. 

Driven to Munich by the war, then to Budapest, 

taken prisoner for a brief space by Hungarian 

Bolshevists, I have survived the European tempest, 

and I have seen all those who disowned and crushed 

me, beaten and punished. 

13 



14 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

And I trembled every day for my poor Belgium, 
so strong in her courage and her travail, but so un- 
just to me — oh, no, not the people — ^the good people 
are naturally heroic and indefatigable. I refer to 
certain of their leaders, who have been misled on my 
account, and who are also, perhaps, too fond of 
money. Unjust themselves, they all equally violated 
justice by illicit interests which had the appearance 
of legality, as well as by the false attitude which 
appeared merely to be forgetfulness, but which was 
actually ingratitude. 

My father has not yet had a monument erected 
to him in the country which he esteemed so highly; 
his Government has remembered the follies of his 
old age rather than its privileges, and his memory 
has suffered accordingly. 

But what is past is past. My memory remains 
faithfully and affectionately attached to my native 
land ; my sole thought is to love and honour her. 

It is of Belgium that I wish to speak before pass- 
ing on to the Courts of Vienna, Berlin, Munich and 
Sofia, and to the many doings which these names 
recall, certain of which deserve better knowledge and 
consideration. 

I have never entertained any feehngs for Belgium 
other than those of imperishable affection. The 
most painful of my reflections during the horrible 
war was that she was more to be pitied than I was. 

On the day when I was being searched by Hun- 
garian Bolshevists at Budapest I heard one of them 



WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK 15 

say to another — having proved for himself the sim- 
plicity to which I was reduced: "Here is a king's 
daughter who is poorer than I am." I have thought 
of the unhappy women of Ypres, of Dixmude, of 
France, Poland, Servia, and elsewhere — unfortunate 
creatures without fire or bread through the crime of 
war, and I have wept for them and not for myself. 

More than one of them, perhaps, envied my posi- 
tion before 1914; little did they realize that I should 
have preferred theirs! 

Married at seventeen, I expected to find in mar- 
riage the joys that a husband and children can give. 
I have had bitter proof to the contrary. 

Rupture was inevitable where my own intimate 
feelings were concerned and those who surrounded 
me. I was too independent to make use of what was 
offensive to me. 

Honours are often without honour, however high 
they may seem to be. Save for rare exceptions, for- 
tune and power only develop in us the appetite for 
pleasure and urge us to depravity. Those whom 
La Bruyere calls "the Great" easily lose the knowl- 
edge of human conditions. Life is to them no longer 
the mysterious proof of the existence of a soul which 
will be eventually rewarded or punished according to 
its deserts. Religion seems to them only a mask or 
an instrument. 

Led to judge their fellow-creatures through the 
flatteries, calculations, ambitions and treacheries by 
which they are surrounded, they arrive, through mis- 



16 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

trust of human nature, at a state of indiiFerence to 
God, and they accommodate His laws to their needs 
in the assurance of adjusting themselves with the 
Creator as they adjust their doings with their 
ministers. 

When I review the past, and when I am reminded 
of the various phases of my unhappy existence, I 
never despair of ultimately finding a justice which I 
have not yet come across in this world ; I have always 
believed that it exists somewhere. If it were not so, 
things would be inconceivable. 

I owe this spirit of confidence to the lessons I 
learnt in my infancy, chiefly from those taught me by 
the Queen, my mother. "Always endeavour to be 
a Christian," she used to say. I could not understand 
the import of these words when I was a child, but the 
misfortunes of my life have helped to explain them. 

Stirred into revolt by humanity in so many ways, 
I have now submitted myself to a Superior Will, 
and I know the happiness of not hating my enemies. 
Pardon has always followed my rebellion. 

I have never doubted that those who wronged me 
would be punished sooner or later on earth or else- 
where, and I have been sorry for my persecutors. 

I have pitied them for their disHke of my frank- 
ness, because I am an enemy of all family and Court 
hypocrisy — I have pitied them for having censured 
my fidelity to one affection, and, above all, I have 
pitied their exaggeration of my disregard for that 
ancient idol — money! 



WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK 17 

Convinced as I was, and not without foundation, 
that immense wealth was to come, not only to myself 
but to my sisters, I maintained that our duty was to 
make full use of our resources. Was it not better to 
circulate money and assist trade? This opinion, how- 
ever, was not shared either by a husband who was 
inclined to hoard or by a family who were afraid of 
any fresh ideas or customs, and who only saw in 
the aspirations of the masses an inevitable and hor- 
rible catastrophe against which they ought to protect 
themselves by saving as much as possible. 

At the same time, when I have been engaged in 
a struggle I have never met with anything save cruel 
treatment on the part of my enemies (first and fore- 
most by the slanders intended to ruin me in the eyes 
of the world) , but I have hurled myself at the onset 
against all the obstacles which violence and enmity 
have conceived against me. 

Being unable to live and act normally, and com- 
pelled by force and privations to treat what I held 
as despicable with obedience and respect, I lacked 
the means of existence to which I was entitled. The 
trouble I took in order to assure myself of my liberty 
on my native soil, in the order and dignity for which 
I had hoped, was nullified by those who were them- 
selves morally responsible for it. I was compelled to 
become a prisoner or a fugitive, taken away and kept 
away from my rightful position by difficulties of 
every description. By these methods my enemies 



18 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

imagined that I should be more easily deprived of all 
to which I had clung. 

What would have become of me had I not found 
a man who devoted himself to saving me from all 
kinds of snares and dangers, and who found devoted 
beings to second him — ^many of whom have sprung 
from the humbler ranks of life — I am unable to con- 
jecture. 

If I have known the wickedness of an aristocracy 
devoid of nobility, I have also benefited by the most 
chivalrous delicacy which has been extended to me 
by the populace, and my recognition of this is chiefly 
what I wish to write about to-day. 

But deep in my heart I have the impelhng desire 
not to allow the legend which has been created around 
me and my name to exist any longer. 



CHAPTER II 

My Beloved Belgium; My Family and Myself; 
Myself — ^as I Know Myself 

If in an official procession the principal personage 
comes last, then Belgium should come last in my 
pages, for it is about myself that I must begin. 

I decide to do so not without apprehension, for I 
remember the descriptions of themselves which cele- 
brated writers of autobiography — Saint Simon, for 
instance — ^have given at the commencement of their 
memoirs. 

Far be it from me to wish to paint myself in glow- 
ing colours. That would be a pretension from which 
the great writers who possessed the talent necessary 
to describe themselves preserve me. I only hope, if 
possible, to describe myself as I believe myself to be. 

I often examine my heart. The older I grow the 
stronger this tendency to self-analysis becomes. 
Formerly I used to like to know my fellow-creatures ; 
now I have discovered that one should always know 
oneself before attempting to decipher other human 
enigmas. 

The ancient precept of Delphes, which the King, 

my father, used to quote, comes back to my memory, 

but I will not give it here. I do not understand 

19 



20 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

modern Greek, unlike Queen Sophie, that charming 
woman, who was so misguided as to learn it; she lost 
her throne, so they say, through trying to outwit the 
subtlety of Ulysses! 

My predominant quality is a horror of all that 
is insincere, inaccurate, formal and commonplace. 
My taste for simplicity in thought and actions 
branded me long ago as a revolutionary in the eyes 
of my family. This was when I rebelled in Vienna 
against the routine and what they called the esprit 
of the Court. 

My passion for sincerity has brought me unity of 
thought. I am a woman faithful to one vow which 
my heart admits freely. 

I have known and loved few individuals well 
enough to allow myself to approach them and know 
them thoroughly, but when once my confidence and 
liking have been given and found to be justified, 
I have become deeply attached to those on whom they 
were bestowed. 

Many people would have liked to have seen me 
deprived of happiness, but I possess at least this one 
jewel — faithfulness, and I have known the sweetness 
thereof; not only the banal and material fidelity — 
always more or less a passing phase as one generally 
understands it — but the pure and noble fidelity which 
accompanies a vigilant and chivalrous mind ; the ideal 
of noble hearts, which is revolted by injustice and 
attracted by misfortune. Diverse fidelities, although 
sisters, are marvellous treasures in which one must 



MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 21 

be rich oneself to be enabled further to enrich the 
future with precious gifts. 

Firm in upholding my rights, and true to my con- 
victions when I believe them to be in accordance with 
honour and truth — which spring from a divine es- 
sence — and are not inspired by hypocritical conven- 
tions, I am afraid of nothing, and nothing can con- 
vince me against my will. 

I have inherited these traits from my father and 
my mother ; from my mother I get the spiritual side, 
and from my father I get the material side of my 
character. It is useless, therefore, to believe that I 
should ever act against the dictates of my conscience. 

If I am compelled to give way for a moment, I 
do so as one would yield at the point of the bayonet. 

Wickedness and compulsion do not create equity, 
they only create its reservations, and redress to jus- 
tice is from God alone and not from man. 

This strength of resistance against evil and con- 
tempt of etiquette are, so to speak, the salient charac- 
teristics of my life. 

But in spite of my decided opinions I show 
marked nervousness in the presence of strangers. 
When they are introduced to me I can hardly speak 
to them, even though their personality appeals to 
me. 

My beloved compatriots in Brussels, the friends 
who are always present in my thoughts, used to say, 
"Princess Louise is proud!" What a mistake! On 
the contrary, I should have much liked to respond to 



22 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

the affection they offered me, and to have entered 
those Belgian homes that I knew to be so hospitable. 
Ah! what happiness not to have been born a king's 
daughter! One could then speak freely to fellow- 
creatures who merited sympathy; but a princess can- 
not do as she pleases. 

With my entourage I am sometimes as open and 
expansive as I am silent and reserved with strangers. 
I mistrust fresh faces, and in no circumstances do I 
ever indulge in gossip. I much prefer the conversa- 
tion of men who know something, to that of women 
who know nothing. 

I detest all that is unnatural in conversation; affec- 
tation is insupportable to me. Idle remarks which 
annoy me easily suggest some repartee or sarcastic 
comment such as the King knew so well how to use, 
which always touched to the quick the person to 
whom it was addressed. But the influence of the 
Queen's memory sometimes restrains me and keeps 
me silent out of Christian charity. 

Immovable in the convictions of my conscience and 
outwardly reserved, I am, nevertheless, a woman of 
contradictions. When I am forced to act I invariably 
rush to extremes. Soul extremes always result from 
contrasts, just as the thunder of heaven results from 
the meeting of two storm clouds. In me the storm is 
suppressed. I surprise people more than anything 
else by my customary attitude of not being able to 
foresee the decision which carries me away. 

I do not regard existence from the ordinary stand- 



MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 23 

point; I regard it from a much higher one. This is 
not due to any f eehng of pride. I am carried away by 
something within me past certain barriers and certain 
frontiers ; I hve in a world of my own in which I can 
take refuge. 

Many, many times during the implacable persecu- 
tion which I have endured for so long, I have stood 
in front of a mirror and tried to read the soul within 
my eyes. I was a prisoner; I was "mad" for reasons 
of State. I asked myself in cold blood, was I not 
really becoming mad — ^was I still mistress of my rea- 
son? 

"Yes," replied an inner voice, "you are mistress of 
your reason so long as you are mistress of yourself, 
and you are mistress of yourself so long as you remain 
faithful to your ideal of honour." 

I will speak of this ideal later. Honest women will 
understand. But my nature did not find in the con- 
jugal abode the good, the pure and the true, which it 
had dreamed of, hoped for, and desired. As the years 
passed the atmosphere of my home changed, the grow- 
ing children became less of a safeguard. Help came in 
a day of chaos under an aspect which the world con- 
demns. Nothing stopped me then, and, henceforth, 
nothing shall separate me from my ideal. I have 
done away with the gilded splendour which to me is 
shameful. I live now with that which speaks to me in 
a language I can understand, something which is 
morally beautiful. This act of my inner self is now 
realized. I have not repented. I never shall. 



24 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Dramas, plots, intrigues, treason follow each other 
— I struggle against them without triumphing. It is 
the work of my outward self. I may appear to fail, 
but my inner self turns away disgusted from the 
mud. 

I was not made to conquer in the fray of human 
conflicts in a sphere which is, perhaps, that of crea- 
tures predestined to show that the real condition of 
man is not here below. The society that he extols, the 
civilization that he admires, are but the poor and 
fragile conceptions of his illusion of earthly sovereign- 
ty, and they will only bring misfortune to him if he 
lives for them alone. 

God was always present in my thoughts even when 
I believed myself forgotten by man. 

I have had, like every creature who has been 
crushed by false witness, my hours of doubt and de- 
spair. The grievance against me at the Coburg Pal- 
ace and in Vienna was that I would not conform to 
the outward practice of religion after I had seen all 
its double-facedness and mock devotion. I often re- 
fused to go to the chapel and accept as fitting the out- 
ward piety which to me was sacrilege. I went to 
seek God and the Holy Virgin in some solitary and 
humble church far from the Hofburg and my pal- 
ace. 

I have also known the time when at the bidding of 
my rebellious soul I turned from Heaven. Suffering, 
experience and meditation have led me back to the 
Divine Master whose love was taught me by my be- 



MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 25 

loved mother. I believe I shall reach His presence 

by a road which resembles Calvary. It is an uphill 

road, but He raises me; and so rugged is it, that at 

every turning I forget the world a little more and I 

stretch out my arms towards the love and justice of 

God. 

'in * * * ¥lt 

They have said that I was beautiful. I inherit from 
my father my upright figure, and I have also some- 
thing of his features and his expression. 

I inherit from my mother a certain capacity for 
dreaming, which enables me to take refuge in myself, 
and when a conversation does not interest me, or if 
anyone or anything troubles me, I instantly seek 
sanctuary in the secret chamber of my soul. 

But my eyes betray me, and the effort I make to 
return to everyday life gives me the expression of a 
fugitive — ^this is a great peculiarity of mine. 

The colour of my eyes is a clear brown, which re- 
flects those of the Queen and the King, but more par- 
ticularly those of the King. Like him, I am able 
to change my voice from softness to a certain hard 
brilliance. The golden ears of corn are not more 
golden than was once my golden hair; to-day it is 
silver. 

I speak like the King, but somewhat slower than 
he did, in the two languages I chiefly employ — ^which 
are equally famihar to me — French and German. 

Like him I think in French or German, but when 
I write, I prefer to do so in French. 



26 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

So enamoured am I of simplicity and truth in rela- 
tion to every condition of life, that I think a woman, 
wherever she may be, should always keep her position 
as a woman. Of course there must be degrees in 
everything, and the differences among men are the 
outcome of their education and the rules of social life. 

Although I am utterly indifferent to false courtesy 
and hollow praise, and the methods of the crafty and 
the claims of intriguers, I respect merit, and when it 
is recognized and rewarded I esteem the honour which 
is accorded to it. 

Let us not look for outside honours but let us re- 
spect our own personal honour. I do not forget, I 
have never forgotten, even in my worst hours of mis- 
fortune, what I owe to my birth, to my dear departed 
ones and to the ideas which were born in me. 

I love Art, and, like the Queen, I have a preference 
for music. I also inherit her love of horses. Sport 
seems to me a secondary thing in comparison with the 
interest of horsemanship in all its varieties. 

In Paris I was always to be seen in the Bois; in 
Vienna I was an habituee of the Prater. I still take 
great pleasure in picking out carriages that are car- 
riages and horsemen who are horsemen ; they are both 
rarer than one thinks. 

I am a great reader and I make notes of my impres- 
sions. I read with pleasure all the newspapers worth 
reading, and all the reviews that make me think. 

Politics never bore me, but to-day they astonish me 



MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 27 

and rend my heart ; the frightful upheaval in Europe, 
the universal trouble, fill me with concern for the 
future. 

Hostile to any excess of monarchical power which 
incites its favourites to depravity, I think, neverthe- 
less, that democrats will find it difficult to conduct 
matters and govern to the betterment of general in- 
terests. The etiquette of Power, the name of Presi- 
dent, Consul, Emperor or King signifies but one 
thing, and besides this the principle of authority is al- 
ways regulated by the influence of Woman. 

This influence, supreme in the history of the world, 
is only paramount in democracies when it exercises it- 
self in secret, and it is generally unlucky. In mon- 
archies it is beneficial to the development of aris- 
tocracy, except in the classic case of a drunken or per- 
verse favourite who by taking sensual possession of 
the prince also talies possession of his authority. 

In some instances it is not wise to lead men to good 
fortune. Those of our epoch seem to be very far from 
attaining it through hatred, ignorance and confu- 
sion, which the ruin of ancient Europe can only ag- 
gravate. 

With regard to books, I re-read more than I read. 
But I am attracted by anything new which I hear 
spoken about — in which, by the way, I am so often 
disappointed. I have read books on the war; I com- 
miserate with the men who cut each others throats — 
but I wish they would cease writing on this bar- 
barous subject. 



28 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Goethe is my favourite author; he is the friend 
and companion whom I love at all times. I am famil- 
iar with the great French authors, but none of them, 
in my opinion, attains the mental serenity of Goethe 
or gives me so much repose of mind. 

I have a penchant for the works of Chateaubriand 
which dates from my youth. The character of Rene 
will always appeal to the hearts of women. 

With regard to modern books. . . . But in speak- 
ing of hterary men and artists it is always necessary 
to exclude those who are living, so I will say noth- 
ing about modern authors. I will only say that of all 
theatrical plays (Shakespeare, like God in Heaven, 
alone excepted) the French repertory, in my opinion, 
is the most varied and the most interesting, and 
through the facihties which I have had of hearing 
plays in the principal European languages, I think I 
am able to judge. I am speaking now of the dramatic 
theatre. The works and the representations of the 
lyric theatre appear generally more remarkable, and 
the companies are more conscientious in Germany and 
Austria and even in Italy, than in France. 

Outside Paris and Monte Carlo it is difficult to 
find, even in the most charming countries, what all 
unimportant German towns possess — a comfortable 
theatre, good music, good singers. 

How strange are different temperaments: this one 
is more musical, that one is more learned, this one is 
more philosophical, that one is more imaginative; it 
seems as though Providence, in creating diversities 



MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 29 

in races and characters, had wished to instil into men's 
hearts the necessity of amalgamating their different 
talents, in order to be happy in this world. But Prov- 
idence, whilst endowing men with genius, has neglect- 
ed to make them less foolish and less wicked. 



CHAPTER III 

The Queen 

The Queen was the daughter of Joseph Antoine 
Jean, Prince Royal of Hungary and Bohemia, Arch- 
duke of Austria (the last Palatin, greatly venerated 
by the Hungarians), and his third wife, Marie Doro- 
thee Guillemine Carohne, Princess of Wurtemburg. 

Affianced to Prince Leopold, Duke of Brabant, 
heir to the throne of Belgium, Marie Henriette of 
Austria married him by proxy at Schonbrunn on Au- 
gust 10, 1853, and in person, according to the Alman- 
ack de Gothaj in Brussels on the 22nd of the same 
month. 

By this marriage the Royal House of Belgium, al- 
ready connected with those of France, Spain, Eng- 
land and Prussia, became alhed to the reigning fami- 
lies of Austria-Hungary, Bavaria, Wurtemburg, etc. 

The young Queen was the daughter of a good and 
simple mother, herself a model of virtue. Her broth- 
ers were the Archduke Joseph, a gallant soldier who 
had three horses killed under him at Sadowa, and the 
Archduke Stephen, the idol of my childhood, who was 
banished from the Court of Vienna because he was too 
popular. He ended his days in exile at the Chateau of 
Schaumbourg in Germany. 

30 



THE QUEEN 31 

King Leopold the First, my grandfather, having 
died on November 10, 1865, King Leopold II and 
Queen Henriette ascended the throne. 

I can still see the Queen as I saw her when I lay in 
her arms as a child, so long has my adoration for her 
survived, so long has my belief in another world re- 
mained sacred to her memory. 

The Queen was* of medium height and of slender 
build. Her beauty and grace were unrivalled. The 
purity of her lines and her shoulders, merited the ex- 
pressian "royal." Her supple carriage was that of a 
sportswoman. Her voice was of such pure timbre 
that it awakened echoes in one's soul. Her eyes, a 
darker brown than those of the King, were not so 
keenly luminous, but they were far more tender; they 
almost spoke. 

But how much less her physical perfections counted 
in comparison with her moral qualities. A true Chris- 
tian, her idea of religion was to follow it rigorously in 
every detail, without being in the least narrow-mind- 
ed. She had a philosophical and an assured concep- 
tion of God, and the mysteries of the Infinite. This 
faith enlightened her doctrine and strengthened her 
piety. 

People who cannot, or who will not, study the prob- 
lem of rehgion, easily persuade themselves that it is 
absurd to subject themselves to the laws of confes- 
sion and to its signs and ceremonies. The sincere 
Christian is the woman who is par excellence a wife 
and a mother, but to some bigots she is merely an in- 



82 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ferior being, who has fallen into the hands of priests 
— but they would doubtless be very pleased all the 
same to have her as the guardian angel of their own 
home. 

Religion did not in the least deter the Queen from 
her obligations to the State, or from her taste for Art, 
or from indulging in her favourite pursuit of sport. 

She received her guests, she presided over her cir- 
cle, she attended fetes with a natural charm peculiar 
to her, which I passionately admired from the mo- 
ment when I was old enough to follow in her wake. 

The Queen dressed with an inborn art which was 
always in harmony with her surroundings. A woman 
in her position has to set out to please and win the 
hearts of people, and she is therefore obliged more 
than anyone else to study her toilette. The Queen 
excelled in this to such perfection that she was al- 
ways held up as an example by the arbiters of Pari- 
sian fashion. 

At any time fashion is peculiar, or at least it seems 
to be; if it were not so there would be no fashion; 
but la mode is not so varied as one thinks. Con- 
sidered as novelties, her innovations are nothing more 
or less than little discoveries and arrangements with 
which the serpent, if not Eve, was already familiar 
in the Garden of Eden. 

The Queen followed la mode without innovating 
fashions — that is the affair of other queens — queens 
of fashion, for which they have reasons, not dictated 
by Reason. But the Queen adopted and perfected 




QUEEN" MARIE HEXHIETTE OF BELGIUM 



THE QUEEN 83 

fashions. It was miraculous to see how she wore the 
fairy-hke lace which is the glory and charm of Bel- 
gium. I have always remembered one of her gowns, 
a certain cerise-coloured silk, the corsage draped with 
a fichu of Chantilly — one of the most beautiful things 
I have ever seen in my life. 

The Queen would often adorn the gowns worn by 
her at her receptions with garlands of fresh flowers. 
She knew how to wear them, and what a delight it was 
to my sisters and myself when we were told to go into 
the conservatories and prepare the garlands of roses, 
dahlias, or asters which our beloved sovereign was go- 
ing to wear! 

A perfect musician, the Queen was equally brilliant 
in her execution of a Czarda, an Italian melody or an 
air from an Opera, which she interpreted in a soprano 
voice, the possession of which many a professional 
singer would have envied her. 

One of her great pleasures was to sing duets with 
Faure, the illustrious baritone, a well-bred artist who 
never presumed on his position. The Queen and 
Faure were wonderful in the famous duets from Ham- 
let and Rigoletto. ... I think of her singing even 
now with emotion. But all this belongs to the past; 
it is far away. 

The Queen received the best artistic society on the 
same footing as the best Belgian society at her private 
receptions. She closely followed all the doings at the 
Theatre de la Monnaie and the Theatre du Pare. 
She interested herself in deserving talent. She was not 



34 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ignorant of the anxieties and difficulties of a career 
of which four hours, so to speak, are lived in the realms 
of illusion, and the remaining twenty face to face with 
reality. She frequently showed her sohcitude for 
artists in the most delicate and opportune manner. 
The memory of her kindness lives in many hearts. In 
the theatrical world gratitude is less rare than else- 
where. One can never speak too highly of the good 
that exists in the souls of these people, who appear 
so frivolous and easy-going on the surface. Comeille 
always had a good word for them. 

The Queen loved horses with the appreciation of a 
born horsewoman ; she liked to drive high-spirited ani- 
mals, and I have inherited her taste. She knew how 
to control the wild Hungarian horses which were only 
safe with her. Refreshed with champagne, or bread 
dipped in red wine, they flew like the wind ; one might 
have said that she guided them by a thread, but in 
reality she made them obedient to the sound of her 
voice. 

She groomed her horses herself and taught them 
wonderful circus tricks. I have seen one of them as- 
cend the grand staircase of Laeken, enter the Queen's 
room and come down again as though nothing had 
happened. What amused her most was to drive two 
or four different animals at once who had never been 
harnessed, and who were so high-spirited that no one 
dared to drive them. By dint of patience and the 
magnetic charm of her voice the most restive animal 
eventually became docile. 



THE QUEEN 85 

Her life was so ordered that she found time for 
everything — maternal cares were first and foremost 
with her; she looked upon these as sweet duties, of 
which I was her first burden. 

I was a year old when my brother Leopold was 
born, who, alas! only hved a few years. I was six 
years old when my sister Stephanie was born, and 
when Clementine came into the world I was already 
twelve years old. I was therefore the eldest bird in 
the Queen's nest — the big sister who was taught to 
assist her mother equally well on the steps of the 
throne as in a cottage. It was I who was expected 
to set a good example to the brothers and sisters who 
might come after me; it was I who was expected to 
benefit the most from maternal teachings. I certainly 
had the priority, but I was not the favourite, though 
owing to my age I was, in some ways, the most privi- 
leged. 

Our mother brought us up after the English fash- 
ion ; our rooms were more like those in a convent than 
the rooms of the princesses one reads about in the 
novels of M. Bourget. 

When I was no longer under the daily and nightly 
supervision of a governess or nurse, I was expected to 
look after myself, and when I got out of bed in the 
morning I had to fetch the jug of cold water from 
outside the door which was intended (in all seasons) 
for my ablutions, for neither in the Palace at Brussels 
nor at the Chateau of Laeken had the "last word" in 
comfort attained perfection. 



86 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

The Queen taught me from my earliest youth how 
to manage servants ; I learned from her very early in 
life that it was possible to be on a throne one day and 
the next to find one's self in the streets. How many 
of my relations or friends can contradict this to-day? 
But at that time my mother's cold reasoning would 
have disgusted the Courts and the chancellors. 

My mother made me think deeply. Thought was 
my first revelation of a real existence. I began to 
look further than the throne and a title for the means 
of moral and intellectual superiority, I became a defi- 
nite personality; I wished to form my own ideas so 
that in after life I could always be myself. 

The Queen helped to mould my character by abun- 
dant reading, chiefly in French and English — ^princi- 
pally memoirs. I was never, or very rarely, allowed 
to read a novel. The Queen read deliciously, giving 
the smallest phrase its full value ; the manner in which 
she read aloud was not only that of a woman who 
knew how to read, but it also displayed a penetrating 
intelligence — in fact, it was more like speaking than 
reading, and it seemed to come from a heart which 
understood everything. 

The Queen was gay and entrancingly charming 
with her intimate friends. She was always like this, in 
her excursions in the country, at croquet parties, at 
her own receptions, and in her box at the theatre. Her 
good humour was in accordance with the promptings 
of a generous and expansive nature. 

On my birthday, August 25, 1894, which I cele- 



THE QUEEN 37 

brated with her at Spa, she wished to mark the aus- 
picious occasion by improvising a small dance after 
dejeuner^ which she had specially ordered to be served, 
not in her villa, but in a room reserved for her in an 
hotel, thus making dejeuner a more agreeable and 
homely affair. There were present myself and my 
sisters, Stephanie's daughter, and my own, and all of 
us wore our smartest gowns. 

The Queen insisted on Clementine, who was an ac- 
complished musician, playing the piano, and having 
sent for Gerard, her mcdtre d'hotel^ who had accom- 
panied us to supervise the service (he was one of those 
servants who believed in their duty towards their em- 
ployers, and who knew the meaning of the name of 
servant), the Queen said to him: 

"Gerard, in honour of the princess's birthday you 
are going to waltz with us." 

"Oh, your Majesty!" 

"Yes, yes, you are going to waltz once with me, 
and once with the princess." 

"Oh, your Majesty!" 

"What? Do you not know how to waltz?" 

"Yes, your Majesty, a little." 

"Eh bien, Gerard, waltz! Now, Clementine, play 
a waltz." 

The faithful Gerard could but obey, blushing and 
shy and hardly daring to glance at his royal partner. 
The Queen then said laughingly: 

"Don't be afraid, Gerard, I am not a sylphide." 



38 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Gerard then waltzed with my mother and also with 
me, and he waltzed well! 

The next day he was once more the model servant — 
such as are loved and esteemed by their masters, whom 
they love and esteem in return, if those they serve only 
know how to merit their devotion. 

The Queen took no part in politics except to dis- 
charge her duties as a sovereign. On a man like the 
King, feminine influence could not be exercised by 
a wife and mother. 

It was impossible for the Queen to find in her hus- 
band the perfect union of thought, the intimacy of 
action and the entire confidence which, in no matter 
what household, are the only possible conditions for 
happiness, and the first deception which she experi- 
enced was followed by others which became more 
and more cruel. 

The trial which caused the Queen to be inconsol- 
able and which had such painful consequences, was 
the death of her son Leopold. 

My mother could never be comforted for the loss of 
the heir to the Throne, this child of so much promise, 
who had been given and retaken by Heaven. This 
was the sorrow of her life. She even alluded to it in 
her admirable will. 

From the day of his death, her health, always so 
robust, gradually changed little by little. Her soul 
began to break away from earthly things and lose it- 
self more and more in prayer and contemplation. She 



THE QUEEN 39 

lived only in the ardent hope of meeting her son in 
Heaven. 

The Queen was always a saint — and she soon be- 
came a martyr. She suffered immensely through the 
aloof greatness of the King, who existed solely for 
his Royal duties, although he would occasionally sud- 
denly indulge in some unbridled pleasure after his 
arduous work. His was a nature of extremes which 
a tender soul could not understand, and hence arose 
misunderstandings and their tragic consequences. 
Against such a fate, which could only become more 
and more unhappy, there was nothing to be done. 
Earthly life is doomed to know implacable disillu- 
sions. 

But however much the Queen suif ered she never 
diminished her Heaven-inspired kindness. She 
would sometimes give way to her sorrow and allow the 
cries of her wounded soul to be heard. She would 
even attempt to defend herself by some action of 
which the public was cognizant but which it failed to 
understand. But she always returned to the feet 
of Christ the Consoler. 

It is there that I shall find her, and there I shall 
offer my veneration and love to this sublime mother 
who instilled in me the passion to fulfil my duties, as 
I define them, 

My idea of duty, face to face with myself, is, firstly, 
a rightful and complete liberty of action; that is to 
say, freedom of body and soul; from this comes the 
seeking after God here below and the ascension to 



40 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Him through human errors and human weaknesses. 
Oh I well-beloved mother, I have passed through 
life without at all understanding the mysteries which 
surround us, but, following your simple faith, I have 
believed, / now believe, in the presence of a Creator. 



CHAPTER IV 
The King 

My father was not only a great king — ^he was a 
great man. 

A king may achieve greatness through possessing 
the art of surrounding himself with the right entour- 
age, and thus taking advantage of the importance 
which it is then so easy for him to gain. He must be 
superior, at least at heart, to have a taste for su- 
periority. 

When he came into power Leopold II did not aim 
at gathering round him those wonderful intellects 
who would have inspired him to greatness. He had 
not the same chances as Louis XIV, neither had he 
those men whom his own example later developed. 
Belgium was still an adolescent State, the govern- 
ment of which required very careful and exclusive 
handling. She had sprung into being from twin coun- 
tries, widely diif erent in character, but united by the 
same laws. Her national policy is like a web whose 
mission it is to hold them together, but such a form 
of Constitution is not without its inconvenience? 

For a long time the King's secret conviction was, 
that in order to be able to endure and strengthen her- 
self, Belgium had urgent need of some great scheme 

41 



42 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

which would produce in her an amalgamation of ef- 
fort and intelligence, and allow her to take one of 
the highest places among the nations of the world. 

He had carefully studied the map of the world, and 
his observations resulted in the unheard-of project of 
endowing his little kingdom with immense colonial 
possessions. He had at the time neither the money 
nor the army; he only had the idea, but the idea 
obsessed him and he lived for it alone. 

The man whom I recall to my mind in thinking of 
the King is one whose silence always frightened me 
when I was a child. Here is an instance of his taci- 
turn character. 

The Queen is seated, holding in her hand a book 
which she is no longer reading. She is folding me 
close to her heart, whilst her eyes follow the King. 
The doors of the drawing-room leading to the other 
rooms are open, and the Sovereign paces backwards 
and forwards, his hands behind his back, almost like 
an automaton, without glancing at us and without 
breaking his interminable train of thought. Silence 
lies over the palace ; nobody dares enter, for the King 
has forbidden access to the Royal apartments. The 
Queen and I are involuntary prisoners of this prison- 
er of his own thoughts. 

The King was a fine and strong figure. His im- 
posing personaHty and his characteristic physiognomy 
are familiar even to the new generation, who have 
only seen the popular pictures of him; but photo- 
graphs never did justice to his expression of sceptical 



THE KING 43 

shrewdness. His eyes, as I have already said, were 
light brown; at the least opposition they assumed a 
fixed expression, and when it rested on my sisters and 
myself when we were in fault, the King's glance 
terrified us more than any reproaches or punishment. 

The King's voice was deep and somewhat muffled 
in timhre, sometimes it grew nasal; when he was 
angry it became, like his eyes, as hard as a stone, but 
if he wished to please it became soft and emotional. 
People still speak of the manner in which he delivered 
his speech from the Throne after the death of Leo- 
pold I, and his touching opening words: "Gentlemen, 
Belgium, like myself, has lost a father." 

When he was in a happy mood he became animated, 
although his humour, when he was pleased to show it, 
was always bitter and satirical — and he possessed it 
in abundance. I have never forgotten certain of his 
opinions touching his Ministers and contemporaries. 
Some of those who are still living would be very flat- 
tered to know them. Others would not! 

The King paid little attention to me or my sis- 
ters; his fatherly caresses were rare and brief. We 
were always awed in his presence; he was ever to us 
more the King than the father. 

With regard to his attitude towards the Queen, as 
far back as I can remember I always see him as the 
same self-centred and taciturn man in his relations 
with her. 

He was constantly away from home, so we little 
ones were rarely with both our parents. I alone, on 



44 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

account of my age and the advantage which it gave 
me over my sisters, enjoyed a little family life with 
my father and my mother before the differences be- 
tween them arose. But I cannot recall a single act of 
kindness or tenderness on his part towards my mother 
that I especially noticed in my youth. 

I only know that at a certain epoch, when I was 
about eleven years old, the King, who like my mother 
adored flowers, never missed bringing her some every 
week which he had gathered himself in the Royal gar- 
dens. He would arrive in my mother's apartment 
laden with his fragrant harvest and would say to 
her abruptly, "Here you are, my good wife." 

Stephanie and I would at once begin to refill the 
vases — I especially, for I had been taught by the 
Queen to love and arrange flowers, those discreet com- 
panions of our thoughts, which bring into the home 
perfume, colours, caresses and rest, and which are 
verily the quintessence of earth and Heaven ! 

One day at Laeken my father off"ered me a gar- 
denia. I was simply stupefied. I was then about 
thirteen. I hoped for a long time for a repetition of 
this paternal graciousness, but in vain! 

This prince of genius, whose political conceptions 
and manner of conducting negotiations useful to Bel- 
gium won the admiration, if not of those to whom they 
were advantageous, of at least the high intelligences 
of other countries, was singularly thorough in small 
things. He clung to his ideas and his personal con- 
cerns in a most obstinate manner. I have seen him 



THE KING 45 

look into the management of the gardens at Laeken 
with the greatest attention to every detail. 

Large, juicy peaches grew on the walls of the gar- 
i dens, and the King was very proud of them. I had 
a passion for peaches, and one day I dared eat one 
which was hidden away among the leaves. And that 
year peaches were plentiful. But the following day 
the King discovered the theft — what a dramatic mo- 
ment! At once suspected, I confessed my crime and 
I was promptly punished. I did not realize that the 
King counted his peaches! 

This great realist had a realistic mind, and material- 
ism carried him on to idealism. I will not allow my- 
self for a moment to suppose that he did not believe 
in God, but certainly he had a different conception 
of the Creator from that of the Queen. She suffered 
greatly through this attitude of her husband, but he 
persisted in his way of thinking. 

On Sundays he used to attend Mass ; he considered 
it was an example which he owed to the Court and 
the people. Sometimes he escorted the Queen to 
Divine Service taking with him "Squib," a tiny terrier 
of which the Queen was very fond and which the King 
always spoke of as one refers to a person. He called 
it "The Squib." 

It was a sight to see the big man holding the tiny 
dog under his arm — the little animal too terrified to 
move. Thus, one supporting the other, they both 
heard Mass seated beside the Queen, who assuredly did 
not think this a very religious procedure. When Mass 



46 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

was over, the King, still carrying Squib, would cross 
the reception rooms until he reached the dining-room, 
when he would gravely deposit the little dog^ on the 
Queen's knee. 

With regard to the King's policy, I only knew and 
understood that related to the Congo. I knew the 
alternate hopes and fears which passed through the 
mind of the author of this gigantic enterprise. It was 
the one topic of conversation around me, and it was 
always mentioned with bated breath; but the things 
which are spoken of in this way are, I think, those 
one hears of most. 

I know that the Royal fortune and that of my aunt, 
the Empress Charlotte, which was administered by 
the King, were employed at one time, not without 
some risk, in the acquisition and organization of the 
possessions that the Great Powers afterwards dis- 
puted with Belgium. Those were anxious days for 
the King. He manoefuvred cleverly between the 
Powers. History knows the value of his work; she 
realizes what a profound politician he was. Offi- 
cial Belgium does not remember, but the people have 
never forgotten. I have confidence in the soul of Bel- 
gium, the Belgium who has shown her greatness in 
the years 1914-1918. King Leopold II will one 
day receive the recognition he merits in the country 
which he enriched, and which he always wished to for- 
tify against the dangers of war. 

The private failings of the man only harmed him- 
self and his family; his people never suffered by 



THE KING 47 

reason of them. They have even benefited by the im- 
mense wealth which it pleased the King to assign to his 
country, regardless of the justice of reserving that 
portion which belonged to his daughters, who were 
excluded by him from the Belgian family. 

Here we touch on a side of the King's character 
which is looked upon by psychologists as unnatural, 
and is similar to the legislation of which the Belgian 
Government availed itself in simliar circumstances, 
a legislation contrary to the moral laws of justice 
and equity. 

Belgiimi's excuse — ^if there can be an excuse for 
this illegahty — ^was that the King himself had ex- 
ceeded his rights. 

I have read, over the signature of a journalist, that 
even before his marriage the King declared that he 
would never accept any benefit from the Royal purse, 
and that his income, from whatever source it was de- 
rived, should not accrue for the benefit of his descend- 
ants. 

This is an astounding story and is a pure inven- 
tion. A king is a man like other men; the value of 
his position rests upon his qualifications. The King 
could have either ruined or enriched himself. He was 
a genius, and for this reason his daughters were able 
to be — and indeed were — deprived of a fortune which 
was partly theirs by right, and which was used for the 
development of a commercial enterprise by the colos- 
sal audacity of their father! 

But why should the King have wished to disinherit 



48 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

his daughters and deprive them of his immense accu- 
mulation of wealth? The reason must be definitelj^ 
stated. 

The King had long wished that our fortunes (those 
of my sisters and myself) should be reduced to the 
minimum of what he considered convenient to assign 
to us, that is to say, much less than our needs re- 
quired, because, after the death of our brother Leo- 
pold, he only saw in us impediments to his own am- 
bition and he was tortured by the fact that he had no 
male descendant. 

I alone noticed, during the years that followed the 
death of his son, that the King on various occasions 
behaved in a different manner towards the Queen ; he 
was more amiable and was more frequently in her 
company. Having now become a woman I can under- 
stand the real reason for this! 

Clementine came into the world ; her birth was pre- 
ceded by many vain hopes, but when the longed-for 
child arrived it was once more a girl! 

The King was furious and thenceforth refused to 
have anything to do with his admirable wife to whom 
God had refused a son. What a mystery of human 
tribulation! 

As for the daughters born of the Royal union, they 
were merely accepted and tolerated, but the King's 
heart never softened towards them. At the same time 
we were not altogether excluded from his thoughts. 
The feelings of our father, so far as we were con- 
cerned, varied according to circumstances, and, no- 




KING LEOPOLD II OF BELGIUM 



THE KING 49 

tably in my own case, according to the various calum- 
nies and intrigues. My sister Stephanie also suiFered 
in this way. 

Both of us were married at an early age and, living 
as we did at a distance, we were deprived of the op- 
portunity of constantly seeing the King, so naturally 
we could not pretend to be the subject of his con- 
stant remembrance. We therefore ran the risk of be- 
ing easily maligned by the unscrupulous courtesans 
who had influence with the King and were in the pay 
of our enemies. 

Clementine was in a far better position. She re- 
ceived all the tenderness the King was inclined to be- 
stow on the only one of his children who remained 
with him, one who showered on him a daughter's af- 
fection and who also upheld the traditions of the 
Royal House, a duty which, in the absence of the 
Queen, the daughter of such a mother was alone able 
to fulfil. 



CHAPTER V 

My Country and the Days of my Youth 

It is more than forty-five years that, since my mar- 
riage, Fate has exiled me from my native country. 
I have never revisited Belgium, except in passing 
through it, and then often under very painful circum- 
stances. 

Well ! I will close my eyes and return in imagina- 
tion to the Chateau of Laeken, and to a certain path- 
way in the park; I will go, in like manner, to one par- 
ticular footpath in the forest of Soignies; there are 
trees, stones and roofs there, which seem to me to 
be those which I once knew. 

An oak tree was planted at Laeken to commemo- 
rate the birth of my brother and the birth of each of 
my sisters and myself. I had not seen these trees 
thus dedicated to us for a long time, until I happened 
to be in Belgium for a few days after the King's 
death. Accompanied by that old friend of my child- 
hood, my brother's tutor, General Donny, I made an 
excursion to Laeken, and I saw once more, with what 
bitter-sweet memories, the little garden formerly 
tended by my brother and myself, which had been 
piously preserved in its original state. Was this a 
mute evidence of the King's remembrance, or the 

50 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 51 

fidelity of some old servants? In my grief I did not 
question to whom the little garden owed its preserva- 
tion. My tears alone spoke. 

When I stood before our "birthday" oak trees I 
only saw three! 

I was told that by some extraordinary coincidence 
the one which marked the birth of my brother had 
died, like him, when it was quite young. Of the oth- 
ers, mine was strong and vigorous; Stephanie's had 
had the misfortune to grow a little crooked, but the 
one belonging to Clementine was quite normal. I 
venture to say that the three oak trees are emblems 
of our destiny so far as our inner lives are concerned, 
which have been ignored and misunderstood by men, 
but which like Nature remained confident in God. 
These three oak trees, and the fourth which is now 
dead, have always troubled me since the day when I 
beheld them again. 

Whatever they may be now I envy them! They 
have grown, they have lived, they still flourish on the 
soil sacred to my lost ones, except one, whose absence 
is so expressive. I should love to see them again and 
to live, if not near them, at least under the shadow of 
other oak trees growing in my beloved country. 

Would that I could end my days there, and once 
more find my adored mother and my vivid youth in 
the forests, the countryside, or the villages through 
which we passed so often together. She it was who 
taught me the secrets of Nature, and it was thus that 
the life of Nature and the hfe of Belgium, the won- 



52 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ders of the universe, and the life of society were re- 
vealed to me. The Queen loved and taught me to 
love our heroic country, whose defence of her liberty 
in past ages constitutes one of the most touching epi- 
sodes in history. 

And I have inherited an ardent wish that my coun- 
try should never become enslaved. 

I know that the good people of Belgium have re- 
proached me, as if it had been my fault, for deserting 
our country. Those who knew me in my youth have 
believed that I was transplanted to a strange and 
brilliant world where I forgot my native land. Then 
the dramas and scandals into which I was dragged 
on the hurdle of misunderstanding and calumny have 
for some transformed me into a sinner, for whom it 
was not enough punishment to forbid her to see her 
dying mother by keeping her as a sane prisoner in a 
madhouse. Such a woman deserved to be wiped off 
the face of the earth ! 

Ah, poor miserable humanity, so full of evil your- 
self that you see nothing but evil in others, what was 
my crime ? 

I would not, I could not live under the conjugal 
roof. I endured my life, sacrificed myself, as long 
as I could, because I knew that I owed a duty to- 
wards my children, but after they grew up the horror 
of my life increased every day. My crime has consis- 
ted in listening to a unique man, the ideal knight 
who kept me from committing errors which I resolved 
to forget, and to do as many others have done. 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 53 

In my palace, or elsewhere, I could have been the 
heroine of discreet and multiple adventures. This be- 
haviour would have conformed to the code of high pro- 
priety, and God knows that opportunities abounded. 
But I was not a hypocrite and very soon I found my- 
self up against hypocrites — innumerable legions of 
them. I was also the recipient of their irritating and 
deceitful confidences. 

Thus slander did its detestable work. An impla- 
cable persecution, masking itself behind the simulated 
indignation of a false morality, began to assail me. 

To me one of the most cruel acts was the violent 
attack made by my detractors on the King and 
Queen, and on public opinion in Belgium. 

Could such a thing be possible? I found myself an 
exile from my country, imprisoned and branded as 
mad, for everyone was determined that I should be- 
come so. 

It is to you, my mother, martyr and saint, and to 
some sublime moral strength that I owe my resist- 
ance. You armed me for the struggle by never let- 
ting me forget the essential duties of life which you 
had taught me. I have remained faithful to them. 
But I have suffered horribly since the day when even 
you could not understand my rebellion. I was sup- 
pressed by the world. Cleverly exploited, all appear- 
ances were against me. My enemies told you: "She is 
lost; she is mad; the doctors have said so." 

What doctors, mon Dieu? The truth about these 
doctors came out afterwards. 



54 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Ah! some people envy princesses. They should 
rather pity them. I know of one for whom there has 
been no justice in this world. Ordinary rights were 
denied her. The law of the world was not a law for 
her, except when it could be used against her. 

Yes, a victim of an abominable plot of such sur- 
passing cruelty that reason can scarcely conceive pos- 
sible ; I was not allowed to return to my beloved Bel- 
gium at the moment when I learnt, in spite of my per- 
secutors, that my mother was dying at Spa; I could 
not receive her last blessing, I was not even allowed 
to follow her coffin ... to the tomb ! 

If I did not become mad in my asylum it was be- 
cause I was not meant to do so; I could not become 
mad. But I still tremble when I think of it. 

Later, when the King was dying, I recovered my 
liberty, and my freedom was brought about by my 
friend — a friend without equal, who, having on one 
occasion saved me from myself, now saved me from 
prison and madness, after having nearly succumbed 
himself beneath the blows of hate and persecution. 

But my freedom constituted a new crime ; my fidel- 
ity to an incarnate ideal in a whole-hearted devotion 
constituted an additional sin. 

When I attended my father's funeral I was kept 
under constant observation. I was restricted to a cer- 
tain area of my native country. The eldest daugh- 
ter of the great King whom Belgium had just lost 
was received with polite formality by a police official 
in Court attire! 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 55 

Ah, no! I incriminate no one — not even the serv- 
ants whose civility I had once known. I am aware 
how tempting and profitable it is to mislead princes, 
and what power exists in wicked advice when it is 
given with an air of devotion. I am only explaining 
how it came about that I did not remain in my much- 
loved country. 

At last the frightful war broke out, following 
the debates regarding the King's inheritance, and I 
was at once even more definitely suppressed by the 
Belgian nation because, to my other abominations, 
I had added the unpardonable sin of believing that 
justice existed in Belgium. 

I was a prisoner in Munich, where I could do noth- 
ing. I was surprised in Bavaria by hostilities and 
treated like a Belgian princess — ^that is to say, very 
badly, as will be seen later. 

In Brussels I became an enemy princess, and from 
the date of the Armistice I was proclaimed a foreigner 
in my native country in the interests of which I had 
been sacrificed at the age of seventeen, and I also 
saw myself deprived of the inheritance which would 
have become mine at the death of my aunt, the Em- 
press Charlotte of Mexico. 

But it is a matter of history that my marriage with 
the Prince of Coburg was annulled in 1907 by the 
decision of the special tribunal of Gotha, judging 
according to the "Rights of Princes," and that this 
annulment was transmitted to the Court of Vienna. 
The divorce was ratified by all the minute forms of 



56 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

the law of Courts and the ancient statutes of Austria. 
The King officially gave me back my title of Princess 
of Belgium. 

That meant nothing; in Brussels no notice was 
taken of it. 

It is a fact that the law of Hungary does not rec- 
ognize the "Rights of Princes" and the procedure of 
Gotha; in consequence of the possessions of the Co- 
burg family in Hungary I am still a Princess of Co- 
burg. 

I lose myself in this web in which I have been en- 
tangled, but common sense tells me that the disap- 
pearance of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and 
the separation of Austria from Hungary has put an 
end to the "mixed state" and the position of "mixed 
subject" which was that of the Prince of Coburg. 

Through his ancestors, this "Austrian" Prince, 
Duke Philip of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, is of Fran- 
co-German and not of Hungarian origin. The 
princely union cancelled, the civil union dissolved, I 
feel I have been delivered, and that I have regained 
my Belgian nationality, thanks to the good will of the 
King himself. 

They have wished to ignore this at Brussels. They 
have branded me as a Hungarian because the Prince 
of Coburg has entailed estates in Hungary. Could they 
not just as well have proclaimed me a Turk or a Chi- 
nese had he possessed estates in Turkey or China? 

I question this; I make no reproaches whatever, 
especially against the principle of superior authority, 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 57 

for the good reason that this happened in a state whose 
king and queen had retreated before the invader in 
order to defend their country (one knows with what 
courage and self-denial) from the extreme frontier 
left them by a conquering enemy. They returned in 
triumph, flushed with the joy of victory. They had 
only time to deal with general and momentous ques- 
tions. I should like to think that the attitude adopted 
towards myself has been merely the outcome of a des- 
tiny which wills that I should become a stranger in my 
own country. 

I wept over this country, so dear to my heart, in 
1914. I believe that her errors towards me have 
added to her misfortunes. I know that the judgment 
of Brussels in denying me my share of my father's 
property aroused bitter indignation in Berlin. My 
son-in-law, the Duke of Schleswig-Holstein, brother- 
in-law of the Emperor William II, relied on succeed- 
ing to the inheritance of his wife's grandfather. I 
can only say that the anger of the German Sovereign 
against the resistance of Belgium was increased by 
the remembrance of the deception of one of his rela- 
tions, on whom he was rather severe, and this may 
have decided him to crush the little nation which dared 
oppose the violation of its neutrality. 

But this did not help to recall the irritable Wil- 
liam II back to reason and humanity, because this 
miserable man, whom I have known since my child- 
hood, was absolutely convinced of his role as the ap- 



58 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

pointed scourge of God and the invincible redresser 
of Justice on the field of battle. 

Let us for a moment forget these miseries and suf- 
ferings and talk of the time when I was happy in my 
happy country — the days when I went for excursions 
with the Queen and "discovered" my parents' king- 
dom. 

What joy when I could drive like my mother! I 
was then barely fourteen and I was her pupil. We 
frequently went for excursions through our dear Bel- 
gium from early morning till late in the evening. Two 
or three of the Royal carriages followed. The first 
was driven by the Queen, the second by myself, and 
the third by an officer, one of the ladies-in-waiting, 
or, later, by my sister Clementine. Dr. Wiem- 
mer, a compatriot and a devoted friend of the Queen 
who accompanied her to the Belgian court, often went 
with us, also good General Donny and General Van 
den Smissin, and certain maids-of -honour and other 
trusted members of our entourage. We halted as 
fancy dictated. The forest of Soignies, the environs 
of Spa, and the Ardennes have many a time witnessed 
the sight of the Queen sitting on the grass in some 
delightful glade, munching one of the famous pisto- 
lets for which Brussels is famous, and which came out 
of the Royal bakeries (what delicious cakes were 
made there ! I can taste them even yet) . How beau- 
tiful Belgium was then, and what pure air refreshed 
us. How eagerly I awaited the future. 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 59 

On these long excursions the Queen carried a map 
and made out the itinerary herself with the skill of a 
staff officer; she also taught me and my sisters how 
to take our bearings. 

At this time the automobile had not yet ravaged 
the world. I have come across this stupefying remark 
of a Frenchman, "Speed is the aristocracy of move- 
ment." One might as well say, "Thoughtlessness is 
the aristocracy of thought." The automobile is doubt- 
less of occasional individual benefit, but I look upon 
it as a general scourge. Side by side with the satis- 
faction which it procures, it upsets existence by pre- 
cipitating it. 

At the time when horse-drawn vehicles were in con- 
stant use, we had different impressions of a day's ex- 
cursion than those which we have after the end of 
three weeks' feverish motoring — ^when we halt at vari- 
ous palaces, drive between interminable rows of pop- 
lars, interspersed with fleeting visions of fields, houses 
and poultry-yards, and when we are tortured by the 
dread of being made untidy by the wind and splashed 
by the mud. 

It is nearly half a century since the horse was the 
ornament and comfort of the best European society. 
The example of the Queen of Belgium then counted 
for something. 

In France, the Orleans family — ^which is related to 
ours — and the Due and Duchesse de Chartres led the 
fashion not only in Cannes, but in Normandy and in 
the delicious region of Chantilly. The duchess al- 



60 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ways rode in an admirable riding habit. I well re- 
member her black eyes, her pure features and her 
dazzling personality which were a mixture of natural 
charm and inborn distinction. 

The Prince de Joinville, so artistic, so witty, was 
endowed with the most exquisite and gallant spirit. 
He paid me marked attention, as did his brother the 
Due de Montpensier. We were a very gay trio, and 
the graver members of the family were wont to cast 
severe glances in our direction. 

The mention of the Orleans family recalls to me 
the most indulgent, the greatest nobleman of all — ^the 
Due d'Aumale, a faithful friend of Belgium and often 
our host. Oh! what a loyal and noble character the 
French Repubhc refused to recognize in him. His 
revenge was to overwhelm his ungrateful country 
with kindness. I have lived under his roof and I 
think of him with the greatest tenderness. I still see 
myself in a room on the ground floor overlooking the 
moat at Chantilly, where this princely host surround- 
ed himself with everything that counted for anything 
in France, and where he held wonderful receptions, 
frequently numbering among his guests the magnifi- 
cent-looking Prince de Conde, whom he honoured 
and had almost brought back to life. 

The Queen and the Due d'Aumale were greatly 
attached to one another. When the bitterness of a 
difficult situation rendered her life first difficult and 
then impossible, owing to the King's forgetfulness of 
what was due from the man to the prince, the Due 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 61 

d'Aumale was one of those invaluable friends whose 
delicate understanding and faithful thougjhts con- 
soled her helplessness. 

Although devoted to the Due d'Aumale, I also 
knew the Comtesse de Paris intimately, with whom I 
have stayed at the Chateau d'Eu. She was an eccen- 
tric woman, rather odd-looking in appearance, but 
she possessed a joyous and lively disposition. 

Another lady of the Orleans family who became 
famiHar to me in early life was the Princess Clemen- 
tine of respected memory, a daughter of King Louis 
Philippe, and the wife of Prince Auguste of Coburg. 
I became her daughter-in-law by my marriage with 
her eldest son, and my ardent hope was that she 
would be a second mother to me. It did not occur to 
either of us that her age and my youth could not 
agree. 

Gratitude also recalls to my mind my near rela- 
tions the Comte and Comtesse de Flandre, and their 
many kindnesses which I have not forgotten. Their 
noble lives have known the awful sadness of the de- 
struction of a tenderly nurtured future. But God 
has granted them reserves of hope and affection. 

I was nearly forgetting one of the chief recollec- 
tions of my earliest childhood — ^Queen Marie Amelie, 
the widow of King Louis Philippe. 

This Royal lady, who bore her loss and her exile 
with so much dignity, was my great-grandmother and 
my godmother. She lived in retirement at Clare- 
mont, near Esher. 



62 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

When the Queen received the news of my birth her 
first question was: "Has she small ears?" She ex- 
pressed the wish for me to be named Louise Marie, in 
memory of her daughter, my venerated grandmother, 
the first Queen of the Belgians. 

I can still picture my sweet old relation, with her 
white curls showing underneath a wide-brimmed lace 
cap. I can again see the early breakfast placed at 
the side of the deep arm-chair, and I remember the 
"pain a la Grecque" which she gave me when I had 
been good. 

Then the pony was brought round, and my cousin 
Blanche de Nemours and myself were installed in the 
double panniers, and taken for our daily ride in the 
shady avenues of the great park. 

The Queen had as reader Miss Miiser, a German, 
who was the faithful friend and constant companion 
of her old age. I was very young at this time, certain- 
ly not more than four, but I have religiously treasured 
in my remembrance the face, the voice, and the ten- 
derness of my great-grandmother, Marie Amehe, 
Queen of France. 

As everyone knows, my two sisters, whom I always 
remember in those happy times when we still ignored 
what is called life, are both married. Stephanie, like 
myself, married very early, and Clementine much 
later in life. 

Stephanie as a child, a young girl and a young 
woman was the more beautiful. Clementine, who was 
also beautiful, possessed the most charm. Destiny 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 63 

has smiled upon her. Her hfe with the King gave 
her the insight and guidance which we never enjoyed. 
Every life has its favours and its chances in the hu- 
man lottery. 

Clementine married Prince Victor Napoleon and 
the widely varied possibilities attached to such a name. 

Stephanie's marriage seemed brilliant, not with 
eventualities but with certainties. I refer to her first 
husband, for she married twice. The first time she 
had the good luck to marry an intelligent, handsome 
and chivalrous man, who was perhaps the most re- 
markable personality of his time. He shared with her 
the crown of Charles-Quint and the thrones of Aus- 
tria-Hungary . . . crown and thrones have disap- 
peared, as though banished by the wand of some infer- 
nal magician, and my sister remains known to history 
as the widow of the Archduke Rudolph. She was 
only twenty-five years of age when he died. 

I have said nothing about the mise en scene in the 
midst of which the various personages moved who 
appealed to my intelligence and to my heart at an 
age when my heart and mind were alike expanding. 
There is nothing to tell but what is already well 
known. 

The most interesting place of all others to me in 
my childhood was the Chateau of Laeken. I have 
no agreeable memories of the Palace at Brussels, al- 
though I have not forgotten the gallery and the re- 
ception rooms, where the many beautiful pictures 
always interested me, above all that of Charles I, by 



64 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Van Dyck, dressed in black, in whose pale and noble 
face I seemed to read the melancholy fate which over- 
shadows some doomed monarchs. 

I have seen many princely and many royal abodes. 
They all resemble museums, and they are equally 
fatiguing. Better to have a cottage and a small Te- 
niers than own ten salons and five hundred linen table- 
cloths which belong to everybody. 

I was happy at Laeken because work became less 
absorbing. We had more liberty, more space. I 
never hesitated to run or jump in the gardens and 
the park from the earliest age, and I always took the 
lead instead of my brother, who seemed to be the girl. 
I was strong, lively and full of devilment. 

I was eager and willing to learn. My habit of ask- 
ing questions gave me the name of "Madame Pour- 
quoi." I always loved truth and logic. My instinc- 
tive passion for truth made me attack my governess 
tooth and nail one day because she wished to punish 
me undeservedly. I was in such a state of mind that 
Dr. Wiemmer, who was called in, decided to get to the 
bottom of the cause of my fury. He concluded that I 
was right in fact, if not in action, and he saw that 
my character was one that could only be led by kind- 
ness, frankness and justice. The governess was sent 
away. 

The Queen recalled this incident and the doctor's 
words many times. 

This medical man who was so devoted to my fam- 
ily, and who disappeared all too soon, once saved my 





THE COTTKTESS rOKYAX 

(Princess Stephanie of Belgium. Her first hus- 
band was the Archduke Rudolph of Austria) 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 65 

sister Stephanie's life when she was stricken with ty- 
phoid, and when she was better the King and Queen 
took us to Biarritz — a change of air being necessary 
for our convalescent. My sister and I shared the 
same room facing the sea at the Villa Eugenie. I was 
thirteen years old, Stephanie was seven. I was en- 
trusted with the care of her, and to see that she did 
not catch cold. One night a tempestuous wind arose 
which, incidentally, produced a terrible waterspout. 
Waking up, I rushed to the window, which was open, 
in my nightgown. The system of closing the window 
would not act, or perhaps I was clumsy; anyhow, I 
could not manage to shut the window. The wind now 
rose to such fury that every moment I was blown 
back into the room. I began to tremble as I feared 
for Stephanie. But I still continued to struggle 
against the force of the storm. How long this lasted 
I do not know. I only remember that they found me 
frozen, soaked and shivering, and that I was put into 
a warm bed. 

My eyes closed. I heard Dr. Wiemmer say to the 
Queen: "What a child! Any other would have called 
out or rung the bell! She did not wish for help to 
protect her sister, and the storm did not frighten her. 
She only listened to the voice of duty, and she did not 
flinch." 

Alas! each of us is made according to his or her 
destiny. 

The first blow which made me realize the cruel 
severity of Fate was the death of my brother Leopold. 



66 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

I had for him the feelings of a devoted and "mother- 
ly" sister. 

He was my property, my chattel, my child. We 
grew up together. I had considerable authority over 
him as I was twelve months older than he was, and he 
always obeyed me. 

Leopold, Duke of Brabant and Comte de Hainaut, 
loved to play with dolls. I much preferred playing 
with him. Nevertheless my uncle, the Archduke 
Etienne, my mother's brother, one of the best and 
most distinguished men that the earth has produced, 
gave us two Hungarian dolls. These were works of 
art of their kind. Mine was christened "Figaro," a 
souvenir of Beaumarchais, the enemy of Courts, who 
thus named it ; why, and wherefore, I cannot say. My 
brother's doll received the much more modest and ro- 
mantic name of "Irma." 

There came a time when Figaro and Irma enliv- 
ened the Chateau of Laeken. They even made the 
King laugh. I organized performances with Leo- 
pold, Irma and Figaro which would have made Bar- 
tholo jealous. 

My brother and I were happy and light-hearted — 
as happy as it is possible to be at our age. Then came 
death, which lacerated my whole being, and the pass- 
ing of my beloved brother in his ninth year. I re- 
member then that I dared curse God and disown 
Him. . . . 

Leopold, handsome, sweet, sincere, tender and in- 
telligent, embodied for me, after our mother, all that 



THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 67 

was most precious in the world — I could no more con- 
ceive existence without him than the day without 
light. But he could not stay . . . and I still weep for 
him, although it is more than fifty years since he left 
me. 

If he had lived how different things would have 
been I 

Our house, thus struck down in the male descent of 
its eldest branch, never recovered from this misfor- 
tune. Belgium will remember in the great works ac- 
complished by her, that my grandfather and my 
father made her what she is. 

She will not forget that angel on earth, my grand- 
mother, the immortal Queen Louise. Many, many 
tears were shed at her death, and have still left their 
traces in Belgium. 

Of my grandfather, I will repeat what M. Dele- 
haye, President of the Chamber of Representatives, 
said in his address to the King during the magnificent 
fetes of July 21-23, 1856, to celebrate the twenty-fifth 
anniversary of his succession to the throne. 

"On July 21, 1831, confidence and joy burst forth 
at your Coronation, and Sire, although you were then 
alone on your throne with your eminent qualities and 
the prospect of splendid political alliances, you are 
not alone to-day. You present yourself to the coun- 
try supported by your two sons and remembrance of 
the Queen beloved and regretted as a mother, you are 
surrounded by the Royal family, by illustrious alli- 
ances, by confidence and sympathy, you are supported 



68 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

by foreign Governments, your fame has grown great- 
er, and you possess the love of Belgium which has 
grown still greater than any fame. Sire, we can have 
confidence in the future. . . ." 

Cannot I, must I not, also, have faith in the fu- 
ture? 

I appeal to my illustrious ancestors ; I appeal to the 
memory of the Queen ; I appeal to the memory of the 
King, by whom, alas ! I was too often denied and be- 
trayed. I appeal to that world where everything is 
illuminated for the soul liberated from earth, which 
will alone see clearly for me. 



CHAPTER VI 

My Maeriage and the Austrian Court — The 
Day After my Marriage 

I WAS barely fifteen when it was first decided that I 
was to be married. On March 25, 1874, I was offi- 
cially betrothed to Prince Philip of Saxe-Coburg; 
on February 18 I entered my sixteenth year. 

My fiance certainly showed perseverance. He had 
already made two proposals for me. His first was re- 
peated after an interval of two years. The King re- 
plied to it by advising him to travel. The prince then 
made a tour round the world; this completed he re- 
newed his request. Again he was asked to wait. 

To marry me had become a fixed idea with PhiKp 
of Coburg. What sort of love inspired him? Was he 
attracted by the elusive charm of my virginal youth, 
or did the definite knowledge of the King's position 
and the belief in the future of his enterprises fan the 
flame in the heart of a man who was absolutely 
engrossed with material things? 

The engagement being arranged, the two families 
interested (mine especially), the Queen on the one 
hand, and the Princess Clementine on the other, de- 
cided that my marriage was not to be celebrated until 
twelve months later. I was so young! 

69 



70 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

My fiance was fourteen years older than I. Four- 
teen years' difference is not perhaps of much ac- 
count between a young woman of twenty-five and a 
man of thirty-nine; it is a great deal, however, be- 
tween an innocent girl of seventeen and a lover of 
thirty-one. 

I had only occasional glimpses of my fiance during 
his rapid visits to Brussels. Our conversations were 
of no account; they were merely such as a man of 
his age would hold with a girl of mine. But I thought 
I knew him well. We were cousins. This constituted 
the first difficulty, as the sanction of the Church of 
Rome was necessary to the marriage. It was asked 
for and obtained. This is the custom in such cases. 

My fiance left me to complete the studies neces- 
sary for my successful debut in a strange world. And 
what a world ! The most courtly of Courts in the uni- 
verse. A Court haunted by the shades of Charles V 
and Maria Theresa! A Court in which Spanish eti- 
quette was allied to German discipline. An emperor 
whose greatness had been increased rather than dimin- 
ished by his military reverses, so well did he bear his 
misfortunes. An empress who was a Queen of 
Queens owing to her undisputed perfections. And 
around them a host of archdukes and archduchesses, 
princes, dukes and gentlemen bearing the highest 
titles in the land. 

All this was very impressive for a Belgian princess 
who did not regret her short dresses, because one 
never regrets them when it is the fashion to wear 



THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 71 

long gowns, but who was nevertheless very astonished 
to find herself dressed like a grown-up girl. 

However, I was not embarrassed, nor was I nerv- 
ous; I looked at everything with the eyes of a girl 
who is only interested in her engagement and her 
lover. 

I would have married the prince, had I been asked 
to do so, on the same day that I received his first ring. 
I would have gone before the burgomaster and the 
cardinal with just the same eagerness as I did a year 
later. 

Healthy in body and pure in spirit, brought up in 
an atmosphere of sincerity and morality under the 
care of an incomparable mother, but deprived, owing 
to my rank, of more or less enhghtened friends who 
would have reposed certain womanly confidences in 
me, I gave my whole soul to my approaching mar- 
riage without troubling myself what marriage might 
mean. I was no longer a creature of this earth. I 
created a star where my fiance and I would live to- 
gether in a divine atmosphere of happiness. The man 
who was to be my companion on the enchanted road 
of life seemed to me the embodiment of all that was 
beautiful, loyal, generous, and I deemed him as inno- 
cent as myself. 

My hours of martyrdom and the distressing quar- 
rels were to come later when the inmost recesses of my 
heart were disclosed by the barbarians of the police 
court, who made scandalous use of my letters writ- 
ten after my engagement. These letters expressed 



72 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

my love. I had written to the man who was my par- 
ents' choice as I would have written to an archangel 
destined to marry me. I adorned him with the beau- 
ty of my most beautiful desires. I transfigured him. 

The savages had the effrontery to deduce from 
these expressions of affection that I was an unstable 
and deceitful creature. 

I put this question to women. Between love as we 
conceive it and love as we experience it, is there not 
very often an abyss? 

I have been culpable, criminal and infamous to fall 
into this abyss. Such is the real truth. 

Why did my mother — who was so good — and why 
did the King — ^who was so experienced in human na- 
ture — wish for this marriage, in spite of the dispro- 
portion of our ages, and the few claims to universal 
admiration which my intended husband possessed, 
apart from his claims to worldly position? 

In the first place his mother, who, rightly, loved 
and respected him, pleaded for him. She credited him 
with possessing some of her own good qualities. 

In the second place, Prince Frederick of Hohen- 
zollern had expressed a wish to ask me in marriage. 
The King and Queen, who were told of this, did not 
want, for various reasons, to become closer allied to 
the house of Berlin. Other suitors, more or less de- 
sirable, might also appear on the scene. Therefore, 
to put an end to this particular scheme and any fu- 
ture uncertainties, I was plighted to Philip of Co- 
burg. 



THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 73 

In addition to this the Queen congratulated herself 
on sending her eldest daughter to the Viennese Court 
where she herself had shone. She still possessed in- 
fluence there, and she thought that I would benefit 
from it. She was still more satisfied to think that ow- 
ing to the entailed estates of the Coburgs in Hungary, 
I should possess material advantages in the country 
dear to her memory, and where she could often re- 
join me, perhaps where she might even retire herself, 
since she foresaw a future which was gradually to be- 
come more and more difiicult. 

My fiance again appeared on my horizon. A year 
passes quickly. The date of my marriage was ap- 
proaching. I knew all the flowers of rhetoric and the 
hot-house flowers of a daily courtship. But I asked 
myself, why did the Queen never leave the archangel 
and me alone? 

My fiance told me about his travels. He had, he 
said, brought back some wonderful collections of sou- 
venirs. But I only knew how wonderful these were 
later. He also told me about his plans for the future, 
the numerous properties of the Coburgs, etc. I gave 
myself up to delightful hopes, and described the mag- 
nificence of my trousseau, which was enriched with 
fairy-like gifts of Belgian lace and intricate embroi- 
deries. 

Finally I tried on the symbolical white robe, under 
a heavenly veil, a chef dfceuvre of Brussels lace, and I 
was acknowledged fit to manage my long train and to 



74 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

make my curtsies equally as well as the most grace- 
ful of the famous young ladies of Saint Cyr. 

Loaded with jewels, I soared higher and higher, 
flattered by homage, congratulations and good wishes, 
without perceiving that, although my fiance was so 
much older than myself, I had now become a certain 
personality in his dreams and in his thoughts. 

I was praised on all sides in verse and in prose, with 
or without music, and it seemed that I was a "flower 
of radiant beauty." I was quite taken with this 
phrase. 

As for my husband — ^his bearing, his nobility and 
his prestige were also praised. I remember that he 
wore his Hungarian military uniform when we re- 
ceived the burgomaster of Brussels, the celebrated M. 
Ausbach, who came on February 4, 1873, to marry us 
by the civil code. Then with great pomp we appeared 
before the Cardinal Primate of Belgium. 

An altar was erected in the large drawing-room 
next the ballroom. I will say nothing about the deco- 
rations. The chants and the prayers carried me to 
Heaven, although I by no means forgot the ritual of 
my marriage and that I was the cynosure of all eyes. 
It was not a public of kings, but of princes. In the 
place of sovereigns, whose greatness kept them away, 
their next of kin were present; the Prince of Wales, 
the Crown Prince Frederick, the Archduke Joseph, 
the Due d'Aumale, the Duke of Saxe-Coburg, and, 
finally, a large crowd of those notables who figure in 
the pages of the Almanach de Gotha, 



THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 75 

If I once began to describe the details of a cere- 
mony of this magnitude I should never finish. Per- 
sonally I was not much attracted by it. I am always 
surprised when, on opening a modem novel, I notice 
the pains which clever people take to describe the 
sumptuous ritual of modern marriage. I only know 
one appropriate description of this nature : that of the 
"Sleeping Beauty." Fortunate Beauty, whose Court 
and herself were put to sleep just at the crucial mo- 
ment of a marriage which might not have been a 
happy one. 

But where are the fairies now and where are the 
beasts who know how to talk? 

Alas ! the fairies have vanished and the beasts speak 
no more, except the hidden beasts in our souls, and 
they do not relate pretty fables and stories. They 
indulge rather in unpleasant realities. 

I have taken a long time in coming to the point, 
but no matter at what cost, it is necessary for me to 
speak about things which have as yet never been told, 
but which will explain how the foundations were laid 
for the drama of my life. 

There were hints as to this drama in former days, 
but I will not refer to the vague tittle-tattle which 
amused rather than saddened Brussels and its Court. 

I am not, I am sure, the first woman who, after hav- 
ing lived in the clouds during her engagement, has 
been as suddenly hurled to the ground on her mar- 
riage night, and who, bruised and mangled in her soul, 
has fled from humanity in tears. 



76 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

I am not the first woman who has been the victim 
of false modesty and excessive reserve, attributable 
perhaps to the hope that the delicacy of a husband, 
combined with natural instincts, would arrange all 
for her, but who was told nothing by her mother of 
what happens when the lover's hour has struck. 

However, the fact remains that on the evening of 
my marriage at the Chateau of Laeken, whilst all 
Brussels was dancing amid a blaze of lights and illu- 
minations, I fell from my heaven of love to what was 
for me a bed of rock and a mattress of thorns. Psyche, 
who was more to blame, was better treated than my- 
self. 

The day was scarcely breaking when, taking ad- 
vantage of a moment when I was alone in the nuptial 
chamber, I fled across the park with my bare feet 
thrust into slippers, and, wrapped in a cloak thrown 
over my nightgown, I went — ^to hide my shame in the 
Orangery. I found sanctuary in the midst of the 
camellias, and I whispered my grief, my despair, and 
my torture, to their whiteness, their freshness, their 
perfume and their purity, to all that they represented 
of sweetness and affection, as they flowered in the 
greenhouse, and lit up the winter's dawn with a 
warmth, silence and beauty which gave me back a 
little of my lost Paradise. 

A sentry had noticed a grey form scurrying past 
him in the direction of the Orangery. He approached, 
and listening, recognized my voice. He hastened to 
the chateau. No one knew what had become of me. 



THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 77 

Already the alarm had been discreetly raised. A raes- 
senger galloped to Brussels. The telephone was not 
then invented. 

The Queen came to me without any delay. My 
God ! what a state I was in when I regained my apart- 
ment ; I would not let anyone approach me except my 
maids. I was more dead than alive. 

My mother stayed with me for a long time ; she was 
as motherly as she alone could be. There was no 
grief which her arms and voice could not assuage. I 
listened to her scolding me, coaxing me and telling 
me of duties which it was imperative for me to under- 
stand. I dared not object to these on the ground 
that they were totally different from those which I 
had been led to expect. 

I finished by promising to try and conquer my 
fears, to be wiser and less childish. 

I was scarcely seventeen years old ; my husband had 
completed his thirty-first year. I had become of his 
"goods and chattels." One can see, alas! how he has 
treated me. 



CHAPTER VII 

Married 

On the morrow of such a painful episode in the life 
of two newly married people I witnessed with bitter 
grief the preparations for my departure to Austria. 
Never was Belgium so dear to me ; never had she ap- 
peared more beautiful. 

Concealing my tears, I said good-bye to all those 
who had known me as a child and a young girl, and 
who had loved and served me, and to all the familiar 
objects in the Chateau of Laeken, where everything 
appealed to my affection. Little did I foresee that I 
should be looked upon one day as a stranger there. 
What do I say — a stranger? No, as an "enemy," 
rather ! 

We departed, according to the expression sacred to 
custom, on our honeymoon. But there are honey- 
moons and honeymoons. 

I should have liked to have taken certain personal 
maids with me. I was not allowed even to dream of 
such a thing. The Coburg Palace had its own serv- 
ants. It was explained to me that the introduction 
of a strange element would break the domestic har- 
mony of this high-toned abode. I had therefore to 
content myself with a Hungarian maid, quite a pro- 

78 



MARRIED 79 

ficient person, but who was not like one of my own 
faithful servants. 

And everything was the same. My tastes, my pref- 
erences only passed muster after having been ap- 
proved by a family council. 

Unfortunately the austerity which prevailed in this 
family council chamber did not reign in the palace 
at all hours and in all the rooms. This I soon dis- 
covered. 

But before arriving at the Coburg Palace we 
stayed at Gotha, where Duke Ernest of Saxe-Co- 
burg, the Prince Regent, and his wife. Princess Alex- 
andrine, gave their niece a warm welcome. 

The duke was a true gentleman, one of the person- 
alities of his time, who became one of my favourite 
uncles. He spoke, with affection, of his friend Count 
Bismarck, and then touched on less serious topics, as I 
was curious to know about the people and things be- 
longing to this Germany to which I found myself so 
closely related by marriage. 

I have already said that it was as natural for me to 
speak German as it was for me to speak French, 
since it was the general rule to do so at the Court of 
Brussels. Has not Belgium everything to gain by 
being bi-lingual and by serving as an intermediary 
between the Latin and the German countries? Less 
than Alsace and Luxembourg but nevertheless a little 
like them, should she not benefit by the two diverse 
cultures ? 

On leaving Gotha we went to Dresden, thence to 



80 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Prague, and finally to Budapest and glowing Vienna. 

Let us pass, however, from these princely visits and 
the sameness of their receptions to more intimate 
things. The interest in speaking of these consists in 
the necessity for me to lay bare my slandered life, and 
to relate how, having fallen from Heaven, I rose to a 
belief in better things. 

But years and years were destined to pass before 
my existence was again embellished by a glimpse of 
the ideal, apart from the joys of maternity. 

My first recollection of something amiss in my role 
of Princess of Coburg is, that every evening at our 
formal banquets my husband took care that I should 
be served abundantly with good wines. I ultimately 
became capable of distinguishing a Volney from a 
Chambertin, a Voslaver from a Villanyi, and one 
champagne from another. 

The body thus trained to the practice of something 
more or less akin to gluttony, the soul of necessity fol- 
lowed its example. I extended my range of litera- 
ture, and I became familiar with books which the 
Queen and the Princess Clementine would not have 
believed could have been given me by the person by 
whom they were put into my hands. 

In the days of my open rebellion people were scan- 
dalized by certain liberties of speech and manner 
which 1 wilfully exaggerated. But who first taught 
me them? And, once again, where should I have 
gone and what would have become of me if God had 
not put in my way the incomparable man who alone 




PBIXCK PHILIP OF SAXE-COBUaG 



MARRIED 81 

had the courage to say to me: "Madame, you are a 
King's daughter. You are about to go astray. A 
Christian woman revenges herself on infamy by rising 
above it and not by descending to its level." 

And so, stunned and intoxicated in every way, I re- 
viewed the family of Coburg and their various palaces 
and castles. Finally I found the palace in Vienna 
which was destined to be my principal residence. 

I positively turned cold on entering it. The palace 
certainly looks imposing from the outside, but the in- 
terior is most gloomy, especially the staircase. I only 
like the salon in "point de Beauvais" originally in- 
tended for Marie Antoinette and her ladies-in-wait- 
ing. 

My room made me shudder. What? Was this 
really the setting which had been prepared to receive 
the freshness of my seventeen years? A student of 
Bonn, where the prince had graduated, might have 
liked it, but a girl, who had only recently become a 
young woman! . . . Impossible. Try, then, to im- 
agine a fairly large room, the walls fitted half-way up 
with small cupboards of dark wood with glass doors, 
and blue curtains behind which I never wished to 
look! Certain pieces of furniture were Gothic in 
style. In the centre of this paradise stood an im- 
mense glass case full of souvenirs of the prince's 
travels; stuffed birds with long beaks, armour, 
bronzes, ivories, Buddhas and pagodas; my heart sick- 
ened at the sight. And, worse than all, there was no 
private entrance or annexe, only a narrow dark cor- 



82 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ridor, which was used by the servants. To get to my 
room I had to pass through that of the prince, which 
was approached through a kind of salon ; all the rooms 
communicated and showed not a vestige of taste. 
Massive old furniture upholstered in rep a century 
old was offered to the eyes of youth! All was old, 
ordinary, sombre. Hardly a flower, nothing com- 
fortable, nothing matching. As to a bathroom, there 
was not a sign of one. There were only two baths in 
the whole palace; they were far away from each 
other, and of positively archaic construction. And, as 
for the rest — ^it is better left unsaid I 

My first active objection was to this anti-hygienic 
organization, and the lack of necessities for my imme- 
diate use. This state of things almost broke my heart. 
I was told, however, that the illustrious grandparents 
were quite content with what had been given me. 

One knows that use is a second nature. Princess 
Clementine did not notice the things which troubled 
me, and even the glass case with the stuffed birds 
charmed her. She admired her son's collection, for- 
tunately without knowing or understanding all that 
it contained, as in our palace of Budapest I saw some 
very unique pieces; souvenirs of Yoshivara which a 
young woman could not look at without blushing, 
even after an expert hand had lifted the veil from her 
inexperienced eyes. 

What a school! However, thanks to the Bacchic 
regime organized by my husband, things went on 



MARRIED 83 

indifferently well after the storm of our debut in 
domesticity. 

Our fundamental incompatibility first appeared at 
the Coburg Palace in the presence of the Princess 
Clementine, over a cup of caf e-au-lait. On our honey- 
moon the prince had told me that a well-born person 
should never drink black coffee. Such is the Ger- 
man conviction. Germany can no more imagine cof- 
fee without milk than she can imagine the sun without 
the moon. However, ever since I ceased to take Na- 
ture's nourishment I have never been able to drink 
milk, I have never drunk it, and I never do. My hus- 
band took it into his head that he would make me 
drink milk, especially in coffee, as, if he failed, the 
traditions, the constitutions, and the foundations of all 
that was German would be shattered. 

The discussion took place before the Princess Clem- 
entine, who always drank milk in her coffee. But her 
affectionate kindness could not overcome the stub- 
bornness of my stomach. I could see that I was of- 
fending her. Her son became furious to the extent 
of saying most painful and unpleasant things, and I 
answered him in like manner. The princess, although 
deaf, felt that something was the matter, and we re- 
strained ourselves on her account, but the blow had 
fallen; henceforth we both had caf e-au-lait on the 
brain I 

I relate little episodes like this because life is a mo- 
saic of small things which cement great desires or 
high sentiments, and which of themselves express the 



84 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

daily necessities to which we are slaves. Human 
existence is a tragedy or a comedy in two acts which 
take place in the drawing-room and the bedroom. 
The rest is only accessory. 

What a bungle nearly all people of exalted rank 
make in fulfilling the obligations of appearing to 
live! We forget the words of Frankhn: "Time is the 
material of which life is made." 

I reproach myself bitterly to-day for having led 
such an empty life, for having lived such an existence 
of anguish of mind. I have not sufficiently known 
the true life, which is that of the soul ; if I had realized 
this, with what distinguished personages I might have 
associated, with what authors, scholars and artists 
have surrounded myself! 

But could I really have done so? 

My highest desires were criticized, contradicted' 
and repulsed. 

The prince, my husband, from the standpoint of 
his superior age, instructed me in everything. 

People were afterwards astonished at my expendi- 
ture — at my numerous gowns. . c . 

Oh, God! I nearly became mad through the force 
of this continual restraint. One fine day I burst my 
bonds ! 

Oh! this palace of Coburg, this residence where 
the slightest frivolous fancy, the smallest evidence of 
Parisian taste imported from Brussels, provoked 
harsh words; this soup9on of a decolletage which 
caused jealousy; this desire to live a little for myself, 



MARRIED 85 

without being submissive to the rigorous routine of a 
barracks which aroused such storms. Mon Dieu! 
when I think of all this — the stuffed birds, the un- 
healthy books, the dirty jokes, and the daily miseries 
of my life — I am at a loss to know how I endured it. 
I ask myself how I could have resisted so long? It 
was worse in the long run than being shut up in the 
madhouse. The crime is sometimes less horrible than 
the criminal. There are moral deformities which con- 
stitute an oiFence at every turn, and in the end one 
becomes exasperated with them. I do not know to 
what extremes I should have gone if this life had con- 
tinued. I have always looked upon the strength which 
permitted me, at the age of twenty, to break away 
from my princely cage as a direct help from Heaven. 
Even had I been able to foresee to what excess hatred 
and fury would reach, I would still have broken away. 
A palace can become a hell, and the worst hell is 
that where one suffocates behind gilded windows. 
Titles count for nothing — a bad household is a bad 
household. Two people are united, the same chain 
holds them irrevocably together. Certain couples 
manage to get on, others cannot. It is a question 
of temper and conditions. Neither the prince nor I 
could accustom ourselves to the differences which 
separated us. This permanent conflict, which was at 
first latent and which afterwards became open war, 
daily widened the abyss between us into which so 
much finally disappeared. 

But amidst all this bitterness my days had their 



86 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

golden hours. Everything was not disagreeable. 
Storms sometimes have a ray of sunshine. But those 
I experienced were of the most devastating nature ! 

I have said that I respected Princess Clementine 
and that I was attracted to her, but her deafness, 
which sadly aggravated her natural dignity, and her 
spirit of another age which made her always appear 
to be living in state and etiquette, often repulsed my 
natural outbursts of affection. Every time when the 
prince and I arrived at irreparable diiferences, and 
my mother-in-law, because of her great age, submitted 
to the influence of her son, I still could not help feel- 
ing towards her the same sentiment of gratitude which 
I had for her former kindness and her superiority of 
mind. 

Besides my husband, Princess Clementine had two 
sons and two daughters. One of her sons, Auguste 
of Saxe-Coburg, was to me what Rudolph of Habs- 
burg would have been, a brother-in-law who was a 
brother. Until his death, which took place, if I re- 
member rightly, in 1908 at Paris, where, under the 
name of Count Helpa, he lived a life of pleasure and 
mixed in the best society, he retained the same affec- 
tion for me that I had for him. 

The three other Coburgs, Philip, Auguste and Fer- 
dinand, did not resemble one another either physi- 
cally or morally. Auguste was like the Orleans fam- 
ily. In him the blood of France triumphed over the 
blood of Germany. In the veins of Ferdinand, who 
became the adventurous Tsar of Bulgaria, I do not 



MARRIED 87 

know what blood flowed. Let us pass on quickly. T 
shall have occasion to return to him and his throne of 
surprises when I speak of the Court of Sofia. 

Of the two daughters, Clotilde and Amelie, the 
latter lives always in my memory. A gentle victim of 
love for an excellent husband, she died after losing 
him. United to Maximilian of Bavaria, the cousin of 
Louis II, Amelie was a lily of France that strayed 
into Germany. She had the good luck to meet a being 
worthy of herself in the patriarchal Court of Munich, 
which Prussian folly has rendered so unhappy. They 
loved each other and they lived for love, concealing 
their happiness as much as possible. Maximilian died 
suddenly — ^thrown from his horse whilst riding. 
Amehe was inconsolable and did not long survive him. 

The idea never struck her brother Philip, her broth- 
er Ferdinand, or above all her sister Clotilde, that 
one could die — or live — for love! 

Our double connexion with the house of France 
brought me a happy diversion from my troubles at the 
Coburg Palace, as well as in the country, in the shape 
of visits of members of the Royal family whom I had 
more or less known in my youth. The springtime of 
my life was full of their marks of affection. 

I have seen the birth of the hopes of my niece 
Dorothee, the daughter of the Archduchess Clotilde, 
my sister-in-law, when she became engaged to Duke 
Philip of Orleans. 

I confess I had no faith in the future, being scep- 
tical as to Royalist France, and doubtless it was an 



88 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

effect of the general surroundings, but I fancied that 
the gold lilies embroidered on the robe of the beau- 
tiful bride would have vanished from her train long 
before she reached the Elysee, the Tuileries or the 
Louvre. I could not, however, see without emotion 
the closed crown which adorned the "queen" on the 
day of her wedding. 

Ah! this dream of a crown; how many heads it 
turns, or rather how many heads it has turned! For 
now one is obliged to reflect on things in general, and 
although I am a stranger to French politics I owe as 
much recognition as consideration to the Republic, 
where I have found, together with the security of just 
laws, the respect due to misfortune, and the courtesy 
which Republicans know how to extend, even to prin- 
cesses. Still I cannot help following the career of the 
"King, in anticipation" — my nephew the Prince of 
Orleans, with some degree of curiosity. 

For him everything happens on the banks of the 
Seine, the Garonne, the Rhone, and the other water- 
courses of the most beautiful country on the face of 
the earth ; but the worst that I wish Philip of Orleans 
is that he should never have to exchange his yachting 
cap, which becomes him so well, for the crown of 
Saint Louis. He is certainly handicapped in life. 
More than ever to-day when it is advisable for a king 
to have a queen. But Fate has willed that the great 
marriage of Philip of Orleans and Marie Dorothee 
of Habsburg, which was one of the joys of the Coburg 
Palace, and the occasion of the most gorgeous recep- 



MARRIED 89 

tions, should turn out contrary to what it promised. 

On one occasion I counted the Royal or princely 
houses wherein the wind of discontent already whis- 
pered. I arritved at a startling total. Taking it all 
round in every kind of society, the average number 
of happily married people is not very high. But the 
nearer one gets to the people, and to their good sense 
and work, the better does famity life become, because 
they tolerate each other's failings much more wisely 
and agree to help each other, until they finish by 
knowing a kind of happiness, which is only achieved 
by the knowledge of common imperfections. 

My life at Coburg would have been still more pain- 
ful if from time to time it had not been varied by 
changes of residence and travel. 

In order not to digress from the family circle, I 
will only say a few words about three towns where 
I had relations, and where I stayed with them, or 
near them, as Princess of Coburg — Cannes, Bologna 
and Budapest. 

First, I will mention Budapest, which was one of 
the most attractive cities of the world, and will be 
again when the reign of Bolshevism is over. In the 
old Buda the ancient East has left its traces; in Pest, 
the modernity of the West has become apparent. I 
knew something of it in 1918. 

I loved Budapest, and I preferred the small Co- 
burg Palace in the Hungarian capital and its charm- 
ing receptions to our home and our entertainments in 
the capital of Austria. The atmosphere was different 



90 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

from that of Vienna, and I was pleased to find myself 
in the neighbourhood of the good Archduke Joseph, 
my mother's brother, who was so warm-hearted and 
so dear to me. His palace was at Buda, and his 
chateau was some hours' distance from the town. 
They had no disadvantages except as dwellings of 
my aunt and my sister-in-law Princess Clotilde, who 
were very different from the affectionate and sin- 
cere Amelie. 

The archduke was a kind man who did not mis- 
judge or censure my extravagant fancies. 

In the first year of our marriage my husband and 
I spent the anniversary of my birthday, February 
18, with the archduke at Alauth. There had been a 
heavy fall of snow the day before, and I said, "I do 
not want any presents, but please let me drive a sledge 
to-morrow; I have such a wild wish to drive one; it 
will be my first experience!" 

The Archduchess Clotilde was usually an open- 
hearted person, but she was nevertheless endowed 
with certain straight-laced characteristics, and she 
frowned severely. 

It was no use to beg or to implore. The prince 
forbade the sledge drive. They metaphorically rele- 
gated me to a dark cupboard with dry bread to eat; 
they kept me under such close observation that I 
could not go out at all, either on foot, on horseback, 
or in a sledge. 

The archduke arrived on the scene. I was still 
furious. . . . Oh! certainly, it is evident that I did 



MARRIED 91 

not look on the bright side of things; my character 
has always been one which resented foolishness and 
wickedness. 

The archduke questioned me. I told him the whole 
story. "Louise," he cried, "you are right a hundred 
times; first of all because at your age and when one 
is pretty, as you are, one is always right. We will go 
out at once for a drive in the snow." 

He rang, and ordered two Hungarian horses to be 
harnessed to a large sledge fit for the* chariot of 
Apollo, in which he seated me, wrapped in my furs. 
He took the reins and we drove off at great speed, 
accompanied by a confidential servant. I felt myself 
akin to the angels. My puritanical sister-in-law and 
my puritanical husband dared not say a word. 

Society at Budapest was less submissive to Court 
ceremonial than that of Vienna, and it was in conse- 
quence natural and more audacious. I remember a 
certain ball on the He Marguerite, the pearl of the 
casket of the Danube, when the prince was angry and 
did not wish me to waltz. I was inundated with invi- 
tations, to which my husband replied by saying that 
at the Court of Brussels I had only learned to dance 
the quadrille and the minuet! 

The quadrille! The minuet! People were quite 
worried. They understood what it means to waltz 
in Hungary, and a waltz on the banks of the Danube 
to the strains of gipsy violins is a thing which can- 
not be surpassed. And now — ^now — they import 
from America dreary stuff, dull and epileptic in 



92 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

movement, and they call it by all sorts of names after 
trotting or galloping animals out of Noah's Ark. 
The waltz will always remain as the incomparable 
queen of dances to those who know how to dance. 

One of those who asked me to dance was bolder 
than the rest, and, taking no notice of the prince's 
excuse, he said: "But surely Her Highness knows 
how to waltz," and at these words I was swept away 
from the domain of authority by my audacious part- 
ner, a Magyar, who thus hurled me into the whirlpool 
of the dance. I confess I never stopped dancing for 
the remainder of the night. The prince was furious, 
but as he was overwhelmed with compliments on my 
beauty and my success, he was obliged, nolens volenSj 
to smile! 

I recall the scene which took place at our depar- 
ture. Fortunately we were asked to embark on a 
wonderfully illuminated boat which took us along 
the beautiful river to the nearest point to our palace, 
and this delightful journey was made to the sounds 
of the music, sometimes wild and sometimes languor- 
ous, which can only be heard to perfection in this 
country. 

Had it the effect of Orpheus's lute? I was not 
condemned to die at sunrise like poor Scheherazade. 
But why did she not dance instead of relating stories? 
At Bologna and Cannes I saw a section of society 
which has now disappeared. This was to be met with 
at the residence of the Duchesse de Chartres, and at 
the Due de Montpensier's at the Caprara Palace. In 



MARRIED 93 

Italy certain of the greatest Italian aristocrats were 
surrounded by the noblest names of France; on the 
Cote d'Azur it was more of a butterfly world, in 
which shone some of the most resplendent Parisian 
beauties. 

Where should I be if I allowed myself to evoke 
the shades of many of those whom I have known 
during my Hfetime? Already all is silent, already 
forgetfulness has begun. Oh, vanity of vanities! 
But at least I will say how much I was enchanted by 
Cannes, and by the refined taste of French elegance. 
The war has transformed this town, once sought after 
by the elite of society. I have read that, overrun and 
noisy, it has lost the discreet cachet which was once 
its particular character and charm. What a pity! 

There is everything and yet nothing to say about 
the life of worldly people who are merely worldly 
people and nothing more. True, I could fill a library 
were I to describe in detail the fashionable records 
of my past. But of what interest would that be? 
I should but pander to the social curiosity that is sat- 
isfied by the reports of the doings of society, which, 
knowing the necessity of polishing its lustre daily in 
order to retain its brightness, provides the newspapers 
with the names of the people it receives, and the de- 
tails of the receptions it gives — ^merely to satisfy that 
commonplace curiosity which is, unhappily, the foun- 
dation of human nature, and its desires and self- 
esteem. 

It will be better perhaps for me to terminate this 



94 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

rough sketch of my hfe as Princess of Coburg, be- 
fore coming to the events which led to the final 
denouement, by a few facts concerning my children. 
I have been, I believe, a good mother. I have wished 
to be, and I have, at least, the feeling that I was a 
good mother for a very long time. I lavished much 
care and tenderness upon my children. 

This will only appear natural to women whom 
maternity makes true women, and to whom it repre- 
sents honour and glory. They must, however, allow 
me to say that maternity is sometimes more difficult 
than one thinks, when one has to consider the difficul- 
ties which are often raised by the father of the child 
— ^there are situations when being a mother is a con- 
stant trial. 

Happy are those whom a peaceful and normal life 
allows leisure to watch beside a cradle. Neverthe- 
less, I knew happiness with my first-born son Leo- 
pold, who saw the light in 1878 at our Chateau of 
Saint Antoine, in Hungary. 

The Queen was present, very delighted at being a 
grandmother. The arrival of this child, a boy, heir 
to the titles, appendages and functions of the family, 
temporarily appeased the quarrels between the prince 
and myself. There was a lull in the storm, which 
lasted for some little time. The influence of the 
Queen had its effect upon my husband. I myself, 
absorbed by my maternal duties, made great resolu- 
tiMis to be patient and wise in the future. 

I dreamt wonderful dreams beside the cradle of 



MARRIED 95 

my son. . , . Oh, cruel Fate, against which I was des- 
tined to be powerless. When he grew up, and as the 
influence of environment exerted itself, Leopold be- 
came less and less my child. I wished him to be loyal 
and courageous. Was he not to carry a sword? 
What a knightly soul did I not wish to forge in him! 
But his father claimed the right to guide him. Very 
soon he belonged to me no longer. 

Leopold reached the age of reason just when I 
had thrown off the shackles of an existence which had 
become atrocious. He believed that, having refused 
to continue to be the Princess of Coburg, I had 
thereby appropriated the hundreds of millions which 
pne day should have come to him from his grand- 
father, and which I should throw to the winds by my 
folly. So I have known the hatred which Nature can- 
not conceive — the hatred of a son for his mother. I 
have shed the tears which are shed by mothers who 
are struck down by their own flesh and blood. But 
God knows that each time my children, infatuated 
with the greed for money, which is indeed the root of 
all evils, have made me suffer, I have always for- 
given them. 

When Leopold died in such a frightful way that I 
cannot even mention it, he had not belonged, in my 
belief, for a long time to this world ; but it was not I 
who was afl'ected by this terrible punishment which 
terminated the lineage of the eldest scion of the house 
of Saxe-Coburg. He who was stricken was the 



96 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

father who had formed this misguided son in his own 
likeness ! 

I think he has survived in order that he may have 
time for repentance. 

When my daughter Dora was about to be born in 
1881, I had such a dread of the presence of her 
father that I did all I could to hide the imminent hour 
of my deliverance. I did not wish the prince to be 
near me at this painful moment; I wanted him to go 
out, in ignorance that I was in the throes of travail. 
It happened in this way. The birth took place in our 
palace at Vienna, and I quite succeeded in astonish- 
ing my world. I evaded, during the time of my suf- 
fering, a presence which could only have aggravated 
it. The midwife who was with me had not even time 
to go and fetch the Royal Accoucheur, who arrived 
after it was all over. 

Dora was my second and my last child. She prom- 
ised to be a pretty girl; she was taller than myself, 
very fair and rather shortsighted. She had the mis- 
fortune to marry Duke Gunther of Schleswig- 
Holstein, brother of the Empress Augusta, the wife 
of William II. "Misfortune?" my readers will say; 
"that is the usual opinion of a mother-in-law." They 
will see later that the word misfortune is conformable 
to the facts which touch contemporary history. I 
will say nothing more. 

My daughter has no children. If she had, they 
would have been told that their grandmother was the 
most wicked of women, if not the maddest, because 



MARRIED 97 

she often said to her son-in-law, as well as to the 
Prince of Coburg and certain dignitaries of Vienna 
and elsewhere, who were the accomplices and agents 
of the persecution by which she was overwhelmed: 

"You have only one end in view, and that is to 
take away all that remains to me — my liberty. But 
there is justice and you will be punished!" 

They have been. 

Ah! if instead of making me suffer martyrdom, 
or allowing me to be made a martyr, some of my 
own relations had dared come to me, openly or in 
secret ! . . . I am a woman, I am a mother. I do not 
affirm that I was not guilty of wrong. I only affirm 
this: they always lied to me. They always talked 
to me of the honour and virtue of the family, but, 
above it all, I heard the cry of "Money! money! 
money!" 



CHAPTER VIII 

My Hosts at the Hofburg — the Emperor 

Francis Joseph and the Empress 

Elizabeth 

Since defeat has overthrown in one day thrones 
which were the foundation of the world of Germany, 
I sometimes pass from the Ring towards the Graben 
by the Hofburg, the ancient Imperial Palace of this 
city of Vienna where I am now writing. I can see 
from the Fransenplatz (the large inner court) the 
windows of the rooms which formerly saw me received 
by the guards and chamberlains with the honours due 
to my rank. These windows are now closed, empty 
and silent. In Vienna everything seems dead. The 
old Hofburg has ceased to exist. The new Hofburg, 
an outward symbol of vanished hopes, is an unfinished 
building. It bears witness to the downfall of an 
Empire. 

Of all the princesses and archduchesses belonging 
to the vanished Court, I am the only one remaining 
in Vienna, loved, I believe, by the people, and re- 
spected by those in authority. 

There is one city in the world in which I have 
lived for a long time. It has been the scene of my 
"crimes." This city, after it abandoned all pretence 

98 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 99 

of honour, truth and virtue, has now reserved for me 
my right to speak, and, whilst aboHshing titles, has 
left me mine. I stand alone in the ruins of a Power 
which was cruel to me. 

I have known the "justice" of the Court and that 
of the Emperor Francis Joseph. I have learned that 
a princess has not the same legal rights as the rest of 
the world. For her, secret arrangements exist which 
are applied without the judges having anything to 
say, or, if they do, they only carry out certain orders. 
They disguise these with all kinds of pretexts. In 
my case the excuse was that of madness. 

It would be impossible to-day to tax a rebellious 
conscience with insanity. It would be impossible to 
accuse a victim of causing impossible scandals if she 
dared appeal for help. No one can be thrown by 
force into a madhouse, where the superintendent says 
that you are not mad and yet is obliged to keep a 
guard over you. He had his orders! They called 
these "une affaire de courf' 

I do not think it would require many criminal at- 
tempts of this nature to obtain a sentence from a 
Divine justice which no hypocrisy of words or deeds 
and no machinery of human power can deceive. 

But why should not those who were guilty of an 
immoral and cowardly pohcy be the only ones to 
expiate their faults? A whole nation is at this mo- 
ment expiating the decadence and the downfall of 
the Court of Vienna. Yes, the poor people, who are 
so good, so duped, so resigned, so industrious and so 



100 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

much to be pitied, are now expiating the crimes of 
their rulers! 

When I arrived at the Austrian Court in 1875 
Francis Joseph was forty-five years old. 

He was always distinguishable at a distance by 
his gallant bearing in uniform. At close quarters he 
gave one the impression of possessing a certain 
amount of good humour, which was contradicted by 
the severity of his glance. He was a narrow-minded 
man, full of false and preconceived ideas, but he pos- 
sessed from his upbringing and from the traditions 
of Austrian politics certain formulas and manner- 
isms, which enabled him to keep afloat for a long 
time before he was finally engulfed in the sea of blood 
in which the Imperial galley ultimately foundered. 
But, stripped of his rank and ceremonial, devoid of 
routine or receptions, audiences and speeches, he was 
nothing but a fool. At his birth. Nature deprived 
him of a heart. He was an emperor but he was not a 
man. He is best described as an automaton dressed 
as a soldier. 

The Emperor at first made a great impression on 
me when my husband presented me to him as the new 
Princess of Coburg. I listened to his amiable and 
polished phrases, which I found difficult to answer be- 
comingly. They were usually so banal that almost 
before leaving his presence I had already forgotten 
what he had said. It was ahnost always like this, 
except on one memorable occasion which I will de- 
scribe later. 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 101 

I do not know anyone who remembers a single 
word uttered by Francis Joseph that was worth re- 
peating. His conversation in the Imperial circle was 
disconcertingly cold and poor. He never became ani- 
mated except when talking scandal, but that was 
generally in the apartment of Madame Schratt, who 
constituted alike his refuge and his relaxation, where 
he was really "at home" and where he was simply 
"Franz" or "Joseph." 

I have seen Madame Schratt at the Burg Theatre. 
Her influence ( if she ever had any, other than that of 
permitting the Emperor to escape from the insuffi- 
ciencies which constituted the fatalities of his life) 
was not injurious to any living soul. 

An actress at the Comedie Franc^aise of Vienna, 
pretty, and honest by nature, Katti Schratt was a 
"Brohan," and her gaiety of heart at least pleased 
the Sovereign. He first gave her a peaceful and an 
assured position, and then one fine evening he quietly 
introduced her to the Court, where the Empress re- 
signed herself admirably to this Imperial audacity. 
She was quite satisfied in knowing that Francis 
Joseph was now methodical in his passions, had cur- 
tailed his excesses and had chosen a confidante who 
did not pretend to be anything more than a recrea- 
tion for him. There was a great difference between 
Madame Schratt and Madame de Maintenon. There 
was a still greater difference between Francis Joseph 
and Louis XIV. 

But so far as actual looks went, the Emperor 



102 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

might easily have been taken for his maitre d'hotel 
had it not been for his uniform and his surroundings. 
Seen at close quarters he was a very ordinary person. 
Two bad habits, however, were noticeable in him: 
at the least perplexity he pulled and massaged his 
side-whiskers, and at dinner he frequently looked at 
his reflection in the blade of his knife. As for the rest 
of his actions, he ate, he drank, he slept, he walked, he 
hunted, he spoke according to the accepted ritual laid 
down by the circumstances of the hour, the day, and 
the calendar. These mannerisms were hardly dis- 
turbed by revolutions, wars or misfortunes. He 
greeted his calamities with the same expression with 
which he noticed if it were raining when he was about 
to leave for Ischl. 

When his son killed himself, when his wife was 
assassinated, he did not lose one ounce of flesh; his 
step was as firm as ever, and his hair just as fault- 
lessly dressed. 

The funeral ceremonies over, nothing changed in 
Austria. Francis Joseph still continued to speak in 
just the same tones of the love of his people towards 
himself, and of his love for them. 

And that same evening he was with Madame 
Schratt. To this man, devoid of brilliance, without 
courage, and without justice, I owe the misfortunes 
of my life. 

At the time when he should have filled his place 
as Sovereign and head of the house where I was con- 
cerned, he did not do so because he was afraid. 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 103 

On two occasions only he behaved differently a 
propos of what concerned me; these circumstances 
were not, however, decisive. A man is not judged 
by the way he helps you out of a carriage, but by his 
behaviour in a big fire ; he does not draw back before 
the flames in his effort to save you ! 

Francis Joseph was incapable of throwing himself 
into the fire in order to save anyone. He could not 
be depended upon for any help in danger. He would 
have been afraid of spoiling his uniform, or of dis- 
arranging his whiskers! 

Ah ! I can easily understand the despair of his son 
and his wife, whose only thought in Hfe was to escape 
from this nonentity. 

The Emperor's brother, the Archduke Louis Vic- 
tor, was the instigator of the hatred of which I was 
the victim. This man was later to know the tortures 
of a dishonourable exile, and he died dishonoured. 
God has punished him. I have seen His might strike 
this guilty man, who started the persecutions from 
which I had to suffer. 

For many years he laid his devotion at my feet. 
All Vienna knew it; the Emperor included, and he 
better than most people, because scandal was his 
daily bread. To him it was almost an affair of State 
to know whether the Archduke Louis Victor would 
succeed in vanquishing the citadel of my virtue. 

Nevertheless, the prince could be pleasing when 
he chose; his was an ardent nature, the excessive in- 



104 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

quisitiveness of which dragged him eventually into the 
scandal of public punishment. 

I resigned myself to receive his compliments and 
his flowers with patience. We all know the exigencies 
of the world. I had to endure the assiduity of an 
archduke, the brother of the Emperor, with a smile. 
But the smile has been especially given by Nature to 
woman in order to enable her occasionally to conceal 
her thoughts ! 

Unfortunately Louis Victor, jealous of the worthy 
sentiments with which another, who was not a 
"prince," had inspired me, lost his patience, and from 
being the object of his love I became the object of his 
hatred. I own that I had a taste for satirical repar- 
tee which I had inherited from the King and which 
made me many enemies. Was the archduke offended 
at a little plain speaking? Wounded vanity is prompt 
to avenge itself. I had henceforth in him an open 
enemy. He swore that he would force me to leave 
the Court. 

I had inspired jealousy. What woman has not? 
My rivals ensconced themselves around my former 
admirer. The usual intrigues began. My freedom 
of life was attacked by some charitable souls whose 
only thought was to destroy it, aided by a rejected 
Don Juan. The archduke was not long in arranging 
the necessary details. People commenced to talk of 
the notice which I took of that honourable man, the 
only person who has filled my life. I have always 
given him my whole confidence and esteem. 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 105 

Tlie Archduke Louis Victor went to his brother 
and told him that he had seen me with his own eyes 
in a popular restaurant at night, tete-a-tete with a 
Uhlan officer. 

Carried away by indignation at such f orgetfulness 
of my rank, three noble Furies, whom I will not men- 
tion, and who possessed exclusive rights to represent 
virtue on earth, made it known to His Majesty that 
if I were allowed to attend the coming State ball they 
would turn their backs upon me in the presence of the 
Imperial circle. 

My sister, who was told of this uproar, questioned 
me and warned me. I had no difficulty in discovering 
whence the plot emanated, and I protested my inno- 
cence to Stephanie. On the evening when the Arch- 
duke Louis Victor had told his brother he had seen 
me at the restaurant, I had not quitted the palace. I 
may add that I have never, never, never sat in a res- 
taurant tete-a-tete with anyone. When I have had 
occasion to appear at a dinner or supper in public I 
have always been accompanied by one or more per- 
sons of my entourage. 

And what was more, at the identical hour men- 
tioned by my calumniator I was with the prince, my 
husband, and we were having one of those discussions 
which constituted the daily storms of our existence. 
The prince was there to witness this, besides which, 
the servants could attest that I had not given any 
orders for my carriage and that I had not left the 
palace. So nothing would have been easier than to 



106 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

have contradicted the archduke and his virtuous 
friends. 

My sister was quite convinced, but, not wishing to 
place herself between the devil and the deep sea, she 
said that she thought it would be as well if I appealed 
to the Emperor in person. The cabal, however, acted 
quickly. Francis Joseph forestalled my request by 
summoning me. I saw him in Stephanie's room. I 
was in such a state of righteous rage that, alas ! I was 
unable to control myself in the presence of this in- 
famous man. 

First of all I thanked the Sovereign for his audi- 
ence, and I said (mastering my temper with diffi- 
culty) that he ought to defend me and take my part; 
that I was the butt of the attacks of a miserable cabal, 
and he ought to put an end to it by punishing the slan- 
derer. I asked him to make an inquiry, as I had a 
perfect right to one. The rest of my words may be 
left to the imagination. As the Emperor knew what 
defence I should probably put forward, he had pre- 
pared his answer according to the formula of one of 
the heads of the Imperial Chancellery who had 
trained him in his youth. This is what he said: 
"Madam, all that has nothing to do with me; you 
have a husband; it is his affair. I think, however, 
that for the present you had better take a trip some- 
where, and not appear at the next State ball." 

"But, Sire, I am a victim; you make me out a 
criminal." 

"Madam, I have listened to my brother, and when 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 107 

Victor has spoken. ..." He finished with a sign 
which was Imperial and definite. 

I was not the kind of a woman to suffer such 
iniquity in silence. But I managed to conceal my con- 
tempt, and replied: 

"The future will reveal, Sire, which of us has lied, 
the Archduke or I." I then made my regulation 
curtsy, and the Emperor left the room. 

On my return to the Coburg Palace I went to my 
husband and told him that I trusted to his honour to 
destroy the abominable plot in which I was involved, 
and that he must send his seconds to the Archduke 
Victor. 

The Prince of Coburg coldly answered that if I 
had lost the Imperial favour he had no wish to lose 
it by fighting a duel with an archduke who was the 
brother of the Sovereign. 

After the chivalrous Emperor I had indeed encoun- 
tered another Galahad ; I was furious, but I could do 
nothing. My fury, however, brought about unlooked- 
for results. The prince did not wish to remember that 
I was at the palace on this particular evening. He 
declared that he would not contradict the assertion 
made by my slanderer. This was the last straw. 
From that hour my mind was made up. I would not 
remain any longer with a husband who had aban- 
doned me in this disgraceful manner. I would listen 
to the voice that said: "Madam, you are lost in the 
world where you live; it is cowardly and perverse." 
But my family feeling proved stronger than my 



108 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

anger. I said to the prince : "We must separate and 
regain our liberty. But we have children. Let us 
avoid a scene. Let us travel for a year, and if at the 
end of that time we have not found a better way of 
living together we will part; you must go your way 
and I will go mine." 

To the mind of a man such as the Prince of Coburg 
these words were the most awful imaginable. The 
prospect of a separation or a divorce would be known 
to millions of people, to the King and others, and not 
only to the father of my children; such a thing was 
impossible. He said I should hear more about this. 
And I did. 

Since I am telling the whole story from the begin- 
ning I must give the other reasons for Francis Jo- 
seph's inconceivable attitude towards me. These 
were more or less political, and I do not wish to dwell 
on politics, and still less on any affecting him. But 
at the same time I am writing for the purpose of add- 
ing a few fresh facts to the history of this time, as 
well as for the purpose of defending myself from 
false accusations. 

Francis Joseph refused to help me, and he aban- 
doned me from the first moment because he was 
obliged to be cautious; he therefore left my husband 
complete liberty to do as he pleased. The Prince of 
Coburg knew the secret of Meyerling and the termi- 
nation of Rudolph's despair. Moreover, the prince 
had a brother Ferdinand who was quartered at the 
outpost of Nach Oste in Bulgaria. The Coburgs 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 109 

were a power in themselves. Francis Joseph bowed 
down to them. He chose the lesser of two evils and 
sacrificed me. 

I only knew him to adopt a chivalrous attitude on 
two occasions. Once when I asked him to change a 
gentleman-in-waiting attached to my person and that 
of my husband who made common cause with the 
Archduke Victor, he immediately granted me my re- 
quest. Again, when I had entered upon a new life, 
and was hving up to a higher ideal and disregarding 
the most sinister proofs of an atrocious calumny, it 
happened that the Prince of Coburg found himself 
face to face with a man of honour who was ready to 
give him satisfaction. My husband put on an air of 
supreme disdain. The Emperor then reminded him 
that the uniform of a soldier was intended for more 
than purposes of show. He advised the Prince of 
Coburg to fight ; he fought. 

I believe this was the only military victor}^ that 
Francis Joseph gained over anyone; and as for the 
prince, an Austrian general, it was the only battle in 
which he was personally engaged. 

*afc, ^ ^ j|i 

*t* 1» "T* "T* 

I often think that Providence was very merciful 
to the Empress in not letting her attain old age, riv- 
eted as she was to the chain which dragged the Em- 
pire into the abyss of human foolishness and ferocity. 

Shall I say that my thoughts go out to her in 
prayer? She, too, was a martyr; she is only second to 
the Queen in my daily meditations. The difference 



110 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

in my age and rank kept me, to my great grief, far- 
ther apart from her than I should have liked. At the 
time when I could have drawn nearer to her, I was 
torn between my yearning for the ideal, and the vani- 
ties of the world. If she was a serene empress I was a 
distressed princess! But I had, however, something 
in common with her; the love of Nature and freedom 
and the taste for Heinrich Heine. 

Without putting this writer on the same pedestal 
as Goethe, the mind by which I have tried to vivify 
my own, I have enjoyed many happy hours reading 
Heine, and the older I have grown the more I have 
learned to know and admire the poet who was both 
an inspired humourist and a philosopher. He was the 
De Musset of Prussia and Judea, the wit par excel- 
lence of Europe — Heine had taken from France and 
given her a unity of gifts, the blending of which prom- 
ises a race of men, freed from race barriers, moved 
by the same love of eternal beauty. An indication of 
the reconciliation which the future will perhaps see. 

It is possible that he was a Jew ; the Apostles were 
also Jews. But I understand and appreciate the sen- 
timents of the Empress in going to see him at Ham- 
burg, continuing to be on friendly relations with his 
sister after his death, and lastly in erecting a monu- 
ment to him at Corfu. Rudolph once said of his 
mother: "She is a philosopher on a throne." She had 
truly a great mind. 

The day on which I had the honour of being re- 
ceived privately by the Empress was an exciting one 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 111 

for me. I knew that she only wore black, white, grey 
or violet, so I arranged my toilette without invoking 
the help of a dressmaker, and if I am to believe the 
flattery of the Kue de la Paix, I knew how to dress 
myself; but I confess that, confident as I had now 
become in matters of dress, I took my time in deciding 
what to wear on this occasion. In the end I chose a 
violet gown most tastefully trimmed with grebe and 
a little velvet toque. I can say without boasting that 
my toilette was remarked upon and generally ad- 
mired. 

The Empress was delightful. She spoke of the 
Queen in well-chosen, simple terms, as of a friend 
dear to her. This was her way of speaking about 
almost everything. Her conversation was of a high 
order, but at the same time it was absolutely natural. 
She scarcely ever spoke harshly, and always in low 
and pure tones. She possessed a soulful voice — 
muffled crystal, but crystal all the same. I have never 
seen a smile like hers; it was like a smile from 
Heaven; it enchanted me and it aff*ected me, it was 
at the same time both sweet and grave. She was 
beautiful, a celestial beauty with something ethereal 
in the purity of her features and the lines of her fig- 
ure. No one walked like Elizabeth of Austria; the 
movement of her limbs was imperceptible, she glided ; 
she seemed to float on the ground. I have often read 
that some celebrated and adored woman was endowed 
with "inimitable grace." The Empress Elizabeth 
truly possessed this inimitable grace. And her large 



112 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

eyes seemed to speak and express a noble language 
peculiarly their own, which embodied the three vir- 
tues, Faith, Hope and Charity. 

Bavaria, her birthplace, has retained throughout 
the ages the essential elements of the Celtic race es- 
tablished as far as the Danube. South Germany also 
has this ancient European blood in abundance. The 
Empress represented the most refined characteristics 
of Celtic beauty. She was not a German type — at 
least not a type of Central Germany — she expressed 
to perfection, both morally and physically, all that 
separated and will continue to separate Munich and 
Vienna from Berlin. 

***** 

Recollections crowd upon me when I return in 
thought to the Hofburg. I must record some of the 
most striking. 

Thus, I will think of the Archduke John, who was 
afterwards known as John Orth, the name of one 
of Maria Theresa's castles on the Danube, the spot 
preferred of all others by this strange being. 

Like Rudolph, with whom he was on terms of 
great friendship and certain understanding, the Arch- 
duke John could not breathe the air of Courts. He 
once said to me: "You and I, Louise, in many re- 
spects are not made to live here." 

He interested me, but I did not like his sarcastic 
spirit. He had none of Rudolph's high ideals. 
When he disappeared I believed him to be living 
somewhere in secret, and that there was a possibility 




PRINCESS VICTOR NAPOT.EON 

(Princess Clfimentine of Belgium) 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 113 

of his reappearance. I read in the papers not long 
ago that a person who might easily have been the 
Archduke John had just died in Rome, where he had 
lived for twenty years in seclusion. Rome attracts 
the solitary and disillusioned souls of the world. If 
this unknown man was really John Orth, he was 
indeed able to meditate on the grandeur and deca- 
dence of empires. 

I will leave this mysterious shadow and speak of 
two others who have passed, whose existence touches 
us more closely and constitutes a problem of State to 
minds interested in this subject. 

I see in imagination the ball where Francis Fer- 
dinand d'Este showed by his attachment to the 
Countess Chotek what would eventually come to pass 
between them. He loved her and she loved him; 
they were married. This was a great event. The 
countess was clever and intelligent, and she was not 
personally displeasing to the Emperor. She knew 
better than to offend this narrow-minded being. But 
her role in the political events of Central Europe, 
from the day when the death of Rudolph allowed her 
to dream of a throne (even though it was only that 
of Hungary), was more important than one im- 
agined. 

It has occurred to me more than once, that if 
France had known and would have put up with an 
Austrian policy, she would have found that the 
Countess Chotek, raised to the rank of Duchess of 
Hohenberg, had far diiFerent ideas from those of 



114 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Berlin. Unfortunately France committed the fault 
(and she will forgive me for daring to say so, en 
passant) of separating politics from religion, and of 
forgetting that religion is the first of all politics. 
She bound her own hands, bandaged her own eyes, 
and advanced on Europe. There was very little 
chance for her to reach the Danube, the most impor- 
tant of all the European routes. 

I knew how much the King of the Belgians de- 
plored the blindness of France, and what he said on 
this subject to more than one distinguished French- 
man. It was to the effect that the disadvantage of 
democratic governments was that they were obliged to 
provide numerous schools of thought before they pos- 
sessed the small number of principles which constitute 
the foundation and the whole secret of government. 
The religious principle is not the least of these. 

In a country in which statesmen formerly abound- 
ed, and which has ended politically through corrupt 
foolishness, that destroyer of characters and convic- 
tions. Countess Chotek, the woman of solid beliefs, 
came into prominence through the possession of a poli- 
tical brain. 

She made Ferdinand d'Este a man capable of ac- 
tion and energy. Her chief fault and that of her 
husband was that through fear of showing weakness, 
they did not know how to show kindness. The hered- 
itary archduke and his wife were strict in maintain- 
ing their landed possessions, and they taxed the peo- 
ple with great severity. 



MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 115 

It needed little to aggravate the latent hatred 
against the heir to the thrones in a state divided 
against itself, and, added to this rivalry, jealousy and 
general restlessness existed, and certain trifling mat- 
ters due to the severity of Francis Ferdinand and the 
Duchess of Hohenberg were perfidiously exploited 
against them. The day of their death was decided, 
the way was prepared, and the instruments selected. 
But I must pass over the terrible events of yesterday, 
the result of which does not justify me to speak. 

The hereditary archduke and his wife had a power- 
ful camarilla against them. They were not in need 
of partisans and they could have opposed cabal after 
cabal, but their adversaries, who were nearly all hid- 
den, had plans outside the Monarchy. 

This is not the place or the moment to discuss the 
conflict of influences of which Vienna was the battle- 
field. It will be the work of some penetrating and 
impartial genius who will perhaps be in a position 
to enlighten the world as to the general worthlessness 
of the Court of Austria during the ten or fifteen years 
before 1914. He will then make known to the world 
the history of one of the most formidable conflicts of 
self-interest and vanity which the world has ever 
known. 

At the Court of Vienna there was a camarilla con- 
sisting of a group of men, more or less filled with 
ambition, who gathered around the Sovereign, 
guarding every approach to him, and they exploited 
the prince to the best of their hatred and avidity. As 



116 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

the Emperor became more and more of a figure-head 
the old favourites saw themselves confronted with the 
coming power. This power, for the less important 
reasons which are known, and for others greater than 
these, recognized the morganatic marriage of Francis 
Ferdinand, and the ardent Catholicism of the Duch- 
ess of Hohenberg, who, owing to her character and 
her ambitious dreams for her children, possessed both 
interior and exterior enemies. There resulted, there- 
fore, a third camarilla, the most secret and the most 
redoubtable, for the simple reason that, in a Court 
where individuals fight amongst themselves, they 
indirectly fight the whole world. They do not betray 
merely this one and that one — ^they betray their whole 
country. 



CHAPTER IX 

My Sister Stephanie Marries the Archduke 
Rudolph, who Died at Meyerling 

My younger sister spent a happy girlhood at 
Brussels. At the age of nineteen she was a radiant 
beauty. Without knowing whom she was eventually 
to marry, she had been encouraged to look forward to 
making a more advantageous marriage than her eld- 
est sister. 

The King had never been very enthusiastic over my 
marriage with the Prince of Coburg. He had higher 
ambitions for me. My mother, however, desired the 
marriage. I have already given her reasons. 

To avenge himself for his disappointed hopes, the 
King intended Stephanie to marry an heir to a 
throne. He had thought of Rudolph of Habsburg as 
a possible husband for her, and the Queen agreed 
with him. What a daring idea! For however hon- 
ourable the Royal House of Belgium might be, it did 
not rank so high as that of Austria. 

I was not in ignorance, as I shall shortly relate, of 

the project of this marriage which began under the 

most dazzling auspices, and terminated in the most 

appalling tragedy. 

History has been more interested in the final 

117 



118 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

catastrophe than in the story of the early days of the 
married life of Rudolph of Habsburg and Stephanie 
of Belgium. I, too, will discuss the finale and de- 
scribe Rudolph as I knew him on the eve of his death. 

Rudolph was then thirty years old. He might 
easily have called himself "the beloved of the gods." 
A great Court was at his feet; the most beautiful 
town in the world, after Paris, was an abode where all 
might have belonged to him. The people of the 
Monarchy placed their hopes of the future in him. 
He had a wife whom everyone envied; a daughter 
whom he overwhelmed with caresses; a noble and 
good mother whom he worshipped; and lastly, a 
father whose great Empire would revert to him; but 
Rudolph, the ill-fated and unhappy, preferred to die. 

Let us, once for all, finish with the legends of 
Meyerling, and as far as it is possible have done with 
the lies connected with it. Rudolph of Habsburg 
committed suicide ! 

It is said that there is no proof of this. This is 
wrong; the proof exists. I am able to give it. 

The history of the liaison which led Rudolph of 
Habsburg and Mary Vetsera to the grave has often 
been told. I will therefore confine myself to relating 
a few points which are but little known. 

There was in the love of the hereditary archduke 
for Mary Vetsera either a lurid fatality or a sinister 
influence. . . . 

When I was in Vienna shortly before I decided to 
write these pages, I was sorting some private papers 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 119 

which recalled me to the period when I was the con- 
fidante and friend of Rudolph. Having finished my 
task, I went for a drive. 

At the turning of a crowded street my attention 
was attracted by the sight of a melancholy looking 
old woman dressed in a dark costume. My carriage 
was going slowly at the time, so I could not fail to 
notice that she seemed crushed by numerous calami- 
ties, bent to the ground under the weight of a heavy 
burden, and she walked close to the buildings, almost 
touching the walls as she passed. Her face showed 
utter dejection and horror, and it was seared with 
innumerable tragic wrinkles. In this funereal appa- 
rition I recognized the mother of Mary Vetsera. 

What had happened to the smart woman of the 
world whom I had been accustomed to meet chaper- 
oning her daughter, then in the full bloom of her 
bewitching youth? 

I have only to close my eyes in order to see Mary 
Vetsera — superb and glowing as she appeared at an 
evening entertainment given by the Prince of Reuss, 
the German Ambassador — ^the last sensational ap- 
pearance in Viennese society of the girl who was 
about to become the heroine of the "bloody enigma" 
of Meyerling. 

But the enigma is very simple. 

Nevertheless, one must be behind the scenes in 
order to see all and know all. And this will always 
be difi^cult for journalists, who concoct distorted ver- 
sions of "facts" which are the enemies of "history." 



120 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Every journalist continues to rely on his imagination 
or on his observations, which vary according to his 
point of view. If the truth, therefore, is long in com- 
ing to light it is not very extraordinary. The aston- 
ishing thing about the Press is not so much that it 
abounds in lies as that it sometimes states the truth. 

I had just arrived at the Embassy. The Prince 
of Reuss left me in order to precede my sister and 
her husband who were making an official entry. 

Rudolph noticed me, and leaving Stephanie came 
straight up to me. "She is there," he said without 
any preamble; "ah, if somebody would only deliver 
me from her!" 

"She" was Mary Vetsera, his mistress of the ardent 
face. I, too, glanced at the seductress. Two bril- 
liant eyes met mine. One word will describe her: 
Mary was an imperial sultana, one who feared no 
other favourite, so sure was she of the power of her 
full and triumphant beauty, her deep black eyes, her 
cameo-like profile, her throat of a goddess, and her 
arresting sensual grace. 

She had altogether taken possession of Rudolph, 
and she longed for him to be able to marry her. Their 
liaison had lasted for three years. 

Mary Vetsera was a member of a bourgeois family 
of Greek origin with some pretensions to nobility. 
The family, which was numerous and impoverished, 
hoped much from the favour of the Heir Apparent. 
Perhaps the only one who did not concern herself in 
worldly matters was a sister of the idol who, unlr-ce 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 121 

her, had not the gift of beauty. Her merit was of a 
less perishable order. When the drama of Meyerling 
engulfed Rudolph and his love, this sister of the dead 
Mary disappeared in a convent. 

At the soiree I was struck by my brother-in-law's 
state of nervous exhaustion (this soiree took place, 
I may mention, during the second fortnight of Janu- 
ary, 1889) , but I thought it well to try and calm him 
by saying a word or two about Mary which would 
please him, so I remarked quite simply: 

"She is very beautiful." Then I looked at my per- 
fectly gowned sister, beautiful, too, in another way, 
who was making a tour of the room. . . . My heart 
contracted. All three, Stephanie, Rudolph and Mary 
were unfortunate. 

Rudolph left me without replying. An instant 
later he returned and murmured: "I simply cannot 
tear myself away from her." 

"Leave Vienna," I said; "go to Egypt, to India, 
to Australia. Travel. If you are lovesick that will 
cure you." 

He shrugged his shoulders imperceptibly and 
spoke no more during the evening. 

It was not a pleasant soiree. An atmosphere of 
uneasiness hung over the brilliant assembly. For 
my own part, I was so depressed that on my return 
home I could not sleep. 

I had followed, so to speak, all the gradual develop- 
ments of Rudolph's passion. 

Upon my arrival at the Court of Vienna I instantly 



122 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

liked the archduke, and he gave me his friendship. 
We were ahnost the same age. I venture to say that 
we resembled each other in many points. Our ideas 
on certain matters were identical. Rudolph con- 
fided in me, and I soon placed my confidence in him. 

It often happened that after my arrival in Vienna 
I was not always on my guard. God knows, then, 
that it was praiseworthy of me to say to the prince, 
in the intimate manner adopted by those Royal and 
princely families who had imbibed the patriarchal 
German spirit: 

"Get married. I have a sister who is like me. 
Marry her." He at once changed the subject by 
replying: "I like Middzi better." Middzi was a 
pretty girl, a perfect Viennese type, a Parisian of 
Eastern Europe. He had two children by her. 

But at last wisdom prevailed with me, perhaps my 
will also, and the finding in maternity the courage to 
support many things which later grew worse and 
were no longer bearable. I was not then either "mad, 
extravagant," or "capable of every kind of deceit," 
as my persecutors said later. 

On the contrary. For a long time my good quali- 
ties and virtues were praised by people who later 
covered me with opprobrium. 

At this period my younger sister was said to be a 
charming happy replica of myself, and therefore 
Rudolph took the train for Brussels. Stephanie thus 
became the second highest personage in Austria- 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 123 

Hungary — ^the future empress of the Dual Mon- 
archy. 

The archduke had no trouble in finding favour in 
her eyes. He was more than handsome ; he was fas- 
cinating. He had a slight figure, but it was well 
proportioned. Notwithstanding his delicate appear- 
ance, he possessed a strong constitution. He always 
made me think of a thoroughbred; he had the shape, 
the light build and the temper of one. His nervous 
force equalled his sensitiveness. His pale face re- 
flected his thoughts. His eye, the iris of which was 
brown and brilliant, assumed varying shades and 
changed in shape with his expression. He passed 
rapidly from love to anger, and from anger to love. 
He was a disconcerting individual, with a captivating, 
changeful and refined soul. 

Rudolph's smile perhaps made a still greater 
impression. It was the smile of an angelic sphinx, 
a smile pecuhar to the Empress; he had also her man- 
ner of speaking; and these traits, added to his win- 
ning and mysterious personality, charmed all with 
whom Rudolph came in contact. 

Well read and always ready to welcome new 
ideas, he sought the society of artists and savants. 
He was happy in the company of such men as the 
distinguished painters Canon and Angeli, and Bill- 
roth, the eminent professor. 

My readers must not expect a pen portrait of my 
sister. It would be difficult for me to write about her 
in laudatory phrases since I have said that she re- 



124 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

sembled me. I will only say that she was better- 
looking. 

Rudolph and Stephanie made a well-matched pair. 
A daughter was born to them — Elizabeth — now 
Princess of Windisgretz. She owes her material 
independence to the fortune which she inherited from 
her grandfather, the Emperor Francis Joseph, and 
this fact added to her independence of soul has made 
her a very noticeable personality. 

After the birth of her daughter, my sister, almost 
on the day following her churching, decided to travel. 
She said that she wanted to go to the seaside and 
recover from the effects of her confinement. She 
therefore went to Jersey, where she stayed some 
considerable time. 

Rudolph was opposed to her going away. He 
negatived the idea by saying that she ought to stay 
with him, as he was unable to accompany her owing 
to his duties as Heir Apparent. 

But we are a family who, having once decided 
upon doing anything, are very difficult to persuade 
to the contrary. 

Stephanie was obstinate. She never thought that 
a young wife's duty was to remain as long as possible 
near her husband, especially when he happened to 
be the man most exposed to the temptations of the 
Court of Vienna. 

Rudolph was greatly vexed at the length of an 
absence which really could only have been excused on 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 125 

the grounds that it was not so long as it might have 
been. 

The Crown Princess fell ill. When she escaped 
from the hands of the doctors who had lavished their 
attentions upon her, Rudolph was told that he would 
have little chance in the future of again becoming 
the father of legitimate children. 

The blow was severe. From that day he tried to 
forget his troubles. He strove to banish them by 
drink, by hunting and other kinds of amusements. 
This desire for forgetfulness increased. 

At this critical moment he met Mary Vetsera. 
The first time that her beauty was brought to my 
notice I nearly betrayed myself, having been placed 
in an unexpected and awkward position, which served 
to show me the height which passion can attain in a 
nature such as Rudolph's. 

One evening we gave a dinner at the Coburg 
Palace. The Crown Prince, according to his rank, 
sat on my right, and my sister sat opposite me. 

There was naturally much gossip current in 
Vienna about the liaison which existed between 
Rudolph and Mary Vetsera. Stephanie, thanks to 
her dignity of character, was silent, but I know that 
she suffered. I was not afraid of mentioning this 
delicate subject to Rudolph, and I had expressed my 
hopes that the gossip was exaggerated. I wished to 
beheve that he was merely the victim of a passing 
caprice. Yet at my own table, with the servants 
present, the guests watching (especially my sister's 



126 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

and her husband's) our slightest movements, Rudolph 
took it into his head to show me, sheltered by the 
tablecloth and the usual table decorations, the minia- 
ture of a woman, hidden in something which appeared 
to be a cigarette-case. "This is Mary," said he; 
"what do you think of her?" 

The only thing I could do was to pretend neither 
to see nor to hear him, and I began to talk to my 
sister across the table. But after this, of what follies 
would Rudolph not be guilty? We were not long in 
finding out! 

My brother-in-law died on January 30, 1889, be- 
tween 6 A.M. and 7 a.m. Three or four days pre- 
viously my sister came to see me one morning — a rare 
thing for her to do. I was still in bed, as I was tired. 
Stephanie seemed anxious and disturbed. 

"Rudolph," said she, "is going to Meyerling, and 
intends staying there some days. He will not he 
alone. What can we do?" 

I raised myself on my pillows. I felt a strange 
and sinister foreboding. I remembered Rudolph's 
words at the Prince of Reuss's soiree. "For the love 
of God," I cried, "go with him!" 

But was this possible? Alas! no. I next saw my 
sister when she was a widow and my brother-in-law 
was dead, lying in state, with his bloodless face 
swathed in a white bandage. . . . 

On the afternoon of January 28 I was driving in 
the Prater accompanied by a lady-in-waiting. It was 
a fine winter's day, and the sunshine was still linger- 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 127 

ing over Vienna. The horses were proceeding at a 
walking pace in order that I could enjoy the beauty 
of the day, and enable me to notice the carriages and 
the equestrians and acknowledge their salutes. 

In the Hauptallee I noticed with astonishment 
Rudolph, unattended and on foot, chatting in a lively 
manner with Countess L., who has been so much 
talked about and who has pubhshed so much, but 
whose role in connexion with Rudolph was such that 
it was not agreeable for me to know her. 

The archduke saw my carriage. He made a sign 
to me to stop, and came up to me. He was then 
speaking to me for the last time. 

I have often asked myself why his trivial words 
caused me such indefinable anxiety. I still remem- 
ber the sound of his voice, and I have not forgotten 
the peculiar look which accompanied his words. 
Rudolph was pale and feverish; he seemed on the 
verge of a nervous breakdown. 

"I am going to Meyerling this afternoon," he 
announced. "Tell 'Fatty' not to come to-night, but 
the day after to-morrow." 

"Fatty," to speak with all due respect, was my 
husband. The Prince of Coburg was always included 
amongst the boon companions of Rudolph's hunting 
and other pleasure parties. 

I tried to keep my brother-in-law by my side for a 
moment or two longer, and induce him to say some- 
thing more. I asked him: "When will you come and 
see me? It is a long time since you have been." 



128 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

He replied, looking at me most strangely: 

"What would be the use of coming to see you?" 
***** 

Rudolph stayed at Meyerling from the evening of 
January 28 until the morning of the 30th, alone with 
his mistress. When his guests arrived for the hunt, 
the gathering was exactly like one of those pagan 
feasts in the days of Nero and Tiberius, when Death 
was bidden to the banquet. But the guest condemned 
to die was the prince himself, and he dragged with 
him into the abyss the imperious mistress who had 
first brought him to its brink. 

They were found dead in their bedroom. It was 
a frightful sight, and it was first witnessed by Count 
Hoyoz, and then by the Prince of Coburg. 

If Mary Vetsera was indeed the dominating force, 
and as Venus would not relinquish her prize, Rudolph, 
in an access of despair and rage, did not forgive her 
for placing him in an impossible position ; but neither 
did he pardon himself. 

On the morning after a nerve-racking orgy both 
lovers perished. It all happened with lightning-like 
rapidity. 

It was impossible for Rudolph to continue keeping 
two households. Impetuous but enslaved, he could 
not endure a liaison which paralysed his energies, but 
which he lacked the strength to break, so great was 
the hold which Mary had obtained over him. 

Novelists have often depicted the frightful situa- 
tion of the thraldom of the body, and the desperate 




THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH ,. 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 129 

protests of the spirit which can only escape by death. 

Rudolph at thirty years of age was utterly out of 
love with life. He was worn out from living in the 
atmosphere of a Court which suffocated him. His 
death by his own hand was due to several causes, of 
which the following are the principal: 

First, his bitter regret of a marriage which did not 
give him what he expected, after his disappointment 
in knowing he could not have a son; the impossibility 
of realizing the wish to dissolve it — an impious wish 
in the eyes of his relatives, the Holy See and the 
Catholic Church ; and, finally, the certainty he had as 
to the chances of the longevity of the Emperor, that 
heartless being, that living mummy, who had em- 
balmed himself with selfish and petty cares. 

Rudolph often remarked: "I shall never reign; 
he will not allow me to reign." 

And if he had reigned? 

Ah, if he had reigned! I knew all his plans and 
his ideas. Of these, I will only say, modernity did 
not frighten him. The most daring modern idea 
would have been acceptable to him. He had already 
destroyed, in imagination, the worn-out machinery 
of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. But, like pieces 
of invisible armour held together by expanding links, 
the constraints, the formulas, the archaic ideas, the 
ignorance and the disillusions from which he was 
always wishing to escape, closed in on him. His life 
was a perpetual struggle against a feeble, worn-out, 
blind and corrupt Court, the routine of which en- 



130 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

slaved his body without shackhng his intelligence. 
He was compelled either to go under or to reign for 
a time and then to conquer, and throw off the burning 
garment of Nessus, open the windows, overthrow 
the Great Wall of China and chase away the 
camarilla. 

But the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy would 
perish rather than change. It went to its death with 
a courier in advance! 

The sad news of Rudolph's death reached Vienna 
on the morning of January 30. General consterna- 
tion prevailed. In the afternoon one of the Emper- 
or's aides-de-camp came to see if he could obtain 
more news from me. 

I was scarcely able to speak. I had been told that 
the Prince of Coburg had assassinated my brother- 
in-law ! 

There were some charitable souls in Vienna and 
at Court who did not admit that Rudolph's affection 
for me was merely fraternal. 

Ah, if one only realized to what jealousy and 
wickedness the highest are exposed! 

After the death of the Crown Prince all kinds of 
stories and scandalous gossip were rife! 

I told the aide-de-camp that I knew nothing be- 
yond the tragic news of the death of Rudolph and 
Mary Vetsera, and that my husband, who had left 
that very morning at six o'clock to shoot at Meyer- 
ling, had not returned. 

In the meantime I had seen one of Stephanie's 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 131 

ladies-in-waiting, who had told me about the catas- 
trophe. Mastering my emotions, I went to see my 
sister at the Ho f burg. 

I found her pale and silent, holding in her hand 
a letter whose secret must now be given to history. 

This letter, which had just been discovered ad- 
dressed to Stephanie in Rudolph's private desk, 
announced his death. He had already resolved on 
this course when he spoke to me in the Prater. The 
letter commenced as follows : 

"I take leave of life." It was too much for me to 
•read that. The words were blurred by my tears. 
"Be happy in your own way," he said to his wife. 
And his last thought was of his child. "Take great 
care of your daughter. She is most dear to me. I 
leave you this duty." Unhappy child, who has had 
no father. I have often pitied her, and I pity her 
more than ever. She does not know what she has 
lost. 

The Prince of Coburg did not return to the palace 
until the night of the 31st, after having passed many 
hours alone with the Emperor. He came at once 
to my room. His disturbed condition and his wild 
words showed how distraught he was. I pressed him 
to give me some of the details of the tragedy. "It is 
horrible, horrible," he said. "But I cannot, I must 
not say anything except that they are both dead." 
He had sworn to the Emperor to keep silent, as had 
Rudolph's other friends who had gone to shoot at 
Meyerling. The secret was well kept. The servants 



132 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

who might have spoken have, for very good reasons, 
disclosed nothing. 

When I went to see the Empress, at her request, 
I found myself in the presence of a marble statue 
covered with a black veil. 

I was so agitated that I could hardly stand. 

I passionately kissed the hand she extended, and 
in a voice broken like that of the mother at Calvary 
she murmured: 

"You weep with me! Yes, I know that you too 
loved him." 

Oh, unfortunate mother! She adored her son. 
He helped her to bear that life smothered in ashes 
which his malicious father led beside one who was so 
noble. After Rudolph had been snatched from her 
and from his Imperial future, the Empress fled from 
this Court which henceforth held nothing for her, and 
she met death alone. It is known by what a sudden 
and cruel blow she died — the innocent victim of the 
penalty of her rank. 

I saw, I see in the successive dramas of the House 
of Austria a punishment sent by Heaven. A chain 
of bloody fatalities which recalls the tragedies of 
Sophocles or Euripides is not simply a game of 
chance. The justice of the gods is always that of 
God. The Court of Vienna was destined to perish 
horribly. It had betrayed everything; first of all its 
traditions, for nothing noble remained — even its in- 
trigues were base. It was only a servants' hall for 
the valets from Berlin. And after Francis Joseph 



THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 133 

appeared at the famous Eucharistic Congress on the 
eve of the war, and stood before the altar as Prince 
of the Faith, he went to finish the dull day at the 
house of Madame Schratt, and Hstened to the back- 
stairs gossip of Vienna and the unsavoury reports of 
the police news! 

Rudolph died of sheer disgust ! 



CHAPTER X 

Ferdinand of Coburg and the Court of Sofia 

The glory of the Coburg family reached its zenith 
at the time of Leopold I and the Prince Consort. 

They gave to the world a series of princes who were 
veritably made to rule. Their direct influence on 
Belgium, and indirectly on England, created a period 
of peace and an "Entente," of which the beneficial 
results are so well known. 

Later, when my father continued the brilliant work 
bequeathed to him by King Leopold, Duke Ernest, 
Prince Regent of the Duchy of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, 
proved himself no less inferior to his cousin at Brus- 
sels. In Vienna Prince Auguste, who was so good 
and with whom unfortunately I had very little to do 
as a father-in-law, also proved that he was a man of 
valour. 

Of the various Coburgs, those of Vienna who were 
my husband's brothers represented with him the male 
descendants left to carry on the name of the race. 

I will chiefly mention Ferdinand, the ex-Tsar of 
Bulgaria. I will not expatiate again on the branch 
of my family to which he belonged. Its role in con- 
temporary history is sufficiently well known. 

Ferdinand of Coburg, who is still alive as I write 

134 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 135 

this, is one of the most curious beings it is possible 
to imagine. To describe him adequately needs the 
pen of a Barbey d'Aurevilly or a Balzac. 

The clearer my mind becomes as I get older, and 
the more I try to understand this strange person, the 
less I comprehend him when I consider him from the 
ordinary point of view of human psychology. 

I have read that woman is an enigma. I believe 
there are men who are more puzzling enigmas than 
any woman. One can only wonder whether this man 
has not created for himself, even more so than 
William II, an artificial world of his own in which 
he wished to live. I will presently say which world 
I think appealed to Ferdinand of Coburg. I realize 
that any princely education which tends to encourage 
the self-esteem of princes by outward respect and 
flattery must of necessity accentuate their peculiari- 
ties, unless some wholesome influence restrains the 
promptings of worldly vanity. 

A really superior mother was unable to regulate 
the undisputed mental gifts of Ferdinand. He was 
born in the autumn of Princess Clementine's days. 
He was her Benjamin. She was weak as water where 
he was concerned. This strength, greater than all 
strengths — ^namely, a mother's love — has also its 
weaknesses. Bad sons abuse these, and, according 
to the laws of that justice whose workings are often 
unseen, but whose judgments and punishments are 
sometimes visible, this son deserves a severe sentence. 

He was sixteen years old when I arrived at the 



136 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Palace of Coburg. He was slight and elegant; his 
countenance, lit up by azure eyes, possessed all the 
beauty of youth allied to something of the Bourbon 
type. The fire of intelhgence and the wish to read the 
book of life animated him. 

He promised to be different in every way from 
his eldest brother. In his moral character he ap- 
peared to possess the good qualities of his second 
brother, the charming Auguste of Coburg, but they 
were only useful in helping to form the distinguished 
bearing which later became natural to him, and which 
concealed beneath a brilliant appearance a complex 
and stormy nature. 

I was a year older than he. We were the life and 
soul of the old palace, and at times I was able to 
forget its dullness and my own troubles. I was the 
confidante of Ferdinand, and I did not hesitate to 
make him mine. 

Although Ferdinand later displayed hostility 
towards me, he devoted himself at this period to 
pleasing his sister-in-law and surrounded her with 
flowers, attentions and kindness. But it so chanced 
(and it remained so for a long period) that the eldest 
and the youngest of the Coburg brothers were at 
enmity on my account, although this feeling was not 
outwardly apparent. I must relate these incidents, 
otherwise it would be difficult to explain the presence 
of the many enemies who one day overwhelmed me. 
This enmity proceeded from the same miserable cause 
which will eternally be at the bottom of so many 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 137 

human dramas — namely, man's jealousy and his 
lustful appetites thwarted by rules of morality. 

Ferdinand of Coburg, idolized by his mother, 
accepted as a spoiled child by society, initiated early 
in the most refined pleasures, allowed himself to be 
transported by his exalted imagination into a world 
of his own. I have seen, I still see in him a kind 
of modern necromancer, a fin de siecle magician. He 
was a cabalist in the same way that M. Peladan was 
a wise man of the East, and from these adventures 
always proceeds something which influences destiny. 

If at first I only saw him making what appeared 
to me to be strange gestures, without explaining 
what these signified, I have now arrived, through my 
experience of men and things, at understanding why 
he was then so incomprehensible. He must have been 
possessed by a power beyond this earth. But he did 
not believe in God; he believed in the Devil. I am 
only going to relate that of which I am sure. I am 
only going to say what I have seen. I do not wish 
to be more superstitious about certain things, or more 
troubled in soul than Ferdinand of Coburg. I ask 
myself to what fantastical sect, to what Satanic 
brotherhood he belonged in his early days, doubtless 
with the idea of furthering his ambitions and his 
extraordinary dreams of the future. 

I remember that in our palace at Vienna, Ferdi- 
nand would sometimes ask me to play to him when 
we were alone in the evening. He insisted upon the 
room being only dimly lit. He would then come near 



138 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

to the piano and listen in silence. At midnight he 
would stand up solemnly, his features drawn and con- 
tracted. He then looked at the clock and listened 
for the first of the twelve strokes, and when they were 
nearing the end he would say: 

"Play the march from A'idaJ" Then, withdrawing 
to the middle of the room, he would strike a cere- 
monial attitude, and repeat incomprehensible words 
which frightened me. 

Ferdinand used to articulate cabalistic formulas, 
stretching out his arms with his body bent and his 
head thrown backwards. Amongst the mysterious 
phrases a word which sounded like Koptor, Kofte 
or Cophte was often repeated. One day I asked him 
to write it down. He traced letters of which I could 
make nothing, excepting that I seemed to recognize 
some kind of Greek characters. 

After these seances I questioned him, because while 
they were proceeding I had to be silent and play the 
march from A'ida. He invariably answered: "The 
Devil exists. I call on him and he comes!" 

I did not believe this ; I mean to say I did not be- 
lieve in the Devil's actual visit, but I was neverthe- 
less a little frightened, and when my brother-in-law 
once again began his incantations I would look round 
to see if there was anything extraordinary in the 
room. But there was nothing unusual excepting 
Ferdinand and my own curiosity — and, perhaps, the 
unrevealed vision of both our futures! 

Full of eccentricities, he would bury gloves and 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 139 

ties which he had worn. There was quite a ceremonial 
attached to this, at which I was sometimes obhged to 
assist. Ferdinand dug the hole himself, and repeated 
strange sentences with a mysterious air. 

His mouth would then assume that bitter expres- 
sion which age has accentuated. Did he indeed juggle 
with the Prince of Evil, and did he acquire thereby 
the dominating spirit which became so strong in him? 

Did he seek some kind of brain stimulant in these 
practices, under the action of which, I believe, auto- 
suggestion becomes dangerous? 

I leave it to physicians, to occultists and to casuists 
to diagnose this case. I am simply a witness, noth- 
ing more. 

Ferdinand was not yet Prince of Bulgaria. He 
was only known as a charming lieutenant in the 
Austrian Chasseurs, who had exchanged from the 
hussars because he was not in sympathy with the ani- 
mal from which it is possible to fall, and which is 
generally supposed to be the most noble conquest of 
man. I wish to say plainly that Ferdinand of Coburg 
was a wretched horseman. Who would have thought 
that this officer of noble descent who had exchanged 
into an infantry regiment would later possess a 
throne, and would dream of becoming Emperor of 
Byzantium? 

He designed his crown and arranged his State 
entry and his coronation, just as did the miserable 
Emperor William who wished to crown himself 
Welt Kaiser in Notre Dame de Paris, and I do not 



140 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

hesitate to say that he dreamed of a ceremony to 
which the Pope would come, wilHng or unwilHng, and 
that all confessions should be reconcilable in his 
Imperial, august and sacred person. 

It is really impossible to-day for a man to be a 
king according to the ancient formula of absolute 
power. This kind of wine is too strong; it goes to the 
head. 

Formerly, a prince, even an autocrat, did not see 
or understand that a small number of faithful persons 
guarded and restrained him equally as much as they 
served him. He was usually at war for three-quarters 
of his reign, and he shared the rough life and priva- 
tions of a soldier. Now he listens to a thousand 
voices, a thousand people and the calls of a thousand 
duties. He no longer fights in person, and there are, 
besides, long periods of peace. Comfort surrounds 
and enervates him; wonderful inventions and discov- 
eries have changed everything around him. But 
although the values and aspects of society and indi- 
viduals are totally modified, everything is still at his 
feet. 

There is something in losing the knowledge of 
realities as the unfortunate Tsar Nicholas lost it, as 
William II lost it, and as Ferdinand of Bulgaria 
lost it. For Ferdinand grasped power and guarded 
it like an autocrat, and I am convinced that he will 
be grateful to me for not enlarging on his policy and 
the methods which his policy employed. 

He had obtained the throne through the help of 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 141 

Princess Clementine, who was ambitious for her 
beloved son. What a pity she did not live longer! 
The more so because, in his passion for authority, 
Ferdinand tried to overrule his mother, to whom he 
would sometimes say, in his domineering manner, 
words that fortunately owing to her deafness she 
did not hear. If she could have remained on earth 
to advise him, he might have led a better life. 
Whether or no he would have listened to her is an- 
other matter. 

At the same time, it was she who procured the 
Crown of Sofia for him, and she maintained him dur- 
ing his perilous debut of sovereignty. She gave mil- 
lions to the prince's establishment and the princi- 
pality. 

The accession of Ferdinand as a prince was first 
opposed, and afterwards recognized; finally he 
adopted the title of Tsar. He might have said like 
Fouquet: "Quo non ascendam?" Everything suc- 
ceeded with him. Soon he became so self-confident 
that he was actually seen on horseback. I can truth- 
fully affirm this, as I chose one of his favourite 
mounts; this especial one came from our stables in 
Hungary, and was a tall, steady and strong-backed 
bay mare. Ferdinand was a big, powerful man, who 
needed a stolid-tempered animal that would not shy 
at guns, cheering, or military music. I tried the 
mare myself on the Prater in the presence of the 
prince's envoy. We had really found the very thing 
for Ferdinand, but I would have been more than 



142 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

sorry to have had it myself as it was altogether too 
dull, no noise startled it; and it was sent to Sofia, 
where Ferdinand showed off, mounted on this fine 
animal, on which he probably dreamt of entering 
Constantinople. His war against the Turks is not 
forgotten. He thought himself already at the gates 
of Byzantium. . . . But I do not wish to relate what 
everyone knows. I prefer to show in a new light the 
secret drama which his diabolical contempt for God 
and the moral laws of Christian civilization provoked, 
when he baptized and brought up his sons in the 
"orthodox" religion whence Bolshevism originated — • 
just as the European war has sprung from Luther- 
ism, and just as the more terrible trials of England 
will arise from her religious disputes. 

Ferdinand of Bulgaria, born in the Catholic faith, 
first married Marie Louise of Parma, daughter of 
the Duke of Parma, the faithful servant of the 
Roman and Apostolic faith. This marriage, cele- 
brated when he was Prince of Bulgaria, had not been 
agreed upon without the express condition that the 
children should be baptized and brought up in the 
religion of their mother and their ancestors. This 
constituted a formal article of the contract. Ferdi- 
nand solemnly consented to it. But when he thought 
that the support of Russia might be useful to him in 
his plans regarding Constantinople, he did not hesi- 
tate to break his vows; he gave his two sons to 
Russian schism. Marie Louise of Parma, mother of 
the souls of her children, betrayed, repulsed and 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 143 

broken in her belief in her husband, immediately fled 
from the Konak of Sofia, and came to Vienna to hide 
her sorrow and her fear in the sympathetic arms of 
her mother-in-law, who was equally tortured by the 
blasphemy of her son. 

People who have some ideas on the question of 
conscience, especially when it touches religious con- 
victions, will easily understand the intensity of this 
drama. 

I was then at the Coburg Palace. I saw the Prin- 
cess of Bulgaria arrive there after having fled from 
the palace, where, in the opinion of this pious mother, 
her innocent children had lost their hope of salva- 
tion. It was no doubt much to endure. God is far 
greater than we imagine Him to be. Our interpreta- 
tions of His justice, although inspired by revelation, 
will always underestimate His compassion, for we 
have not the words to express, still less to explain, the 
survival of souls. 

The poor princess was naturally extremely un- 
happy. I well remember her agonized, pale face, her 
indignation and her desire to annul her marriage at 
the Court of Rome. 

Fearing that Ferdinand would come and take her 
back to Sofia by force, she insisted upon remaining 
near Princess Clementine, who had a camp bed put 
in a little room adjoining her own. The Princess of 
Bulgaria did not feel safe except in this refuge. 

Reasons of State and the impossibility of living 
without seeing her children, who were retained as 



144 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

prisoners of their father's throne, proved after all 
stronger than the princess's rebellion and despair. 
Some months later she consented to return to Sofia. 

The House of Parma was, like herself, astounded. 
The Holy See had excommunicated Ferdinand. 
This malediction threw the entire family of Parma 
into mourning ; they had been so trustful and so proud 
of Ferdinand's love, in which they had shown their 
confidence by giving him one of their daughters. 

I next saw the poor Princess of Bulgaria at Sofia. 
She had heroically returned to her conjugal duties; 
she had just recovered from her confinement. 

Who knows — who will ever know — what actually 
passed in her mind? Consumed by inward griefs, 
she perhaps died as a result. She was one of those 
sensitive souls who actually die of a broken heart. 

I have often thought of her. She was a martyr 
to the love of her children. One visit to Sofia in 1898 
remains indelibly impressed in my mind. 

My husband accompanied me, but there was always 
something indefinable and indefinite between himself 
and his brother, probably the subconscious enmity 
which I have previously mentioned. We could not, 
however, have been welcomed more warmly. The life 
of the Sovereign was wonderfully well organized in 
this country which was still primitive. Nothing was 
wanting at the palace. There East and West were 
happily united. 

Ferdinand gave me as a personal guard an honest 
brigand of sorts, picturesquely garbed after an 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 145 

Oriental fashion. From the time that this man was 
ordered to watch over me and only to obey my or- 
ders, he took up his stand before my door, and day 
and night he never moved therefrom. My husband 
himself could not have come in without my permis- 
sion. I have never understood how this ferocious 
sentinel managed to be always on the spot. 

My brother-in-law showed me a most delicate and 
refined attention. He constituted me the queen of 
these days of festivity. I was overwhelmed by the 
homage of his entourage. Each meal was a decora- 
tive and culinary marvel. Sybarites would have ap- 
preciated the cuisine at the Palace of Sofia. 

I have always appreciated meals which are meals. 
It costs no more to eat a good dinner than to eat a 
bad one; it is a weakness of the body and mind, a 
crime against the Creator, to disdain food when it 
is prepared with care. If we have been given the gift 
of taste, and if good things exist on earth, they are 
equally for one as for another. Ferdinand at any 
rate held this epicurean belief. 

Every night after supper there was a dance at the 
palace. The Bulgarian officers were most enterpris- 
ing dancers. Educated at Vienna or Paris, they 
understood the art of conversation. They were dis- 
tinguished by an instinctive air of nobility, as are all 
the sons of a virile and essentially agricultural race 
with a wholesome and wide outlook. 

During the day the prince did the honours of his 
capital and his kingdom. We recalled the memories 



146 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

of the Coburg Palace, and our former excursions and 
parties. We returned in spirit to that Forest of 
Elenthal so dear to our youth. We drove, accom- 
panied by an escort which I have never ceased to ad- 
mire. I am unaware whether the Bulgarian roads 
have improved, but at the time of which I write they 
were few, and they were maintained at the expense 
of Providence. A short distance from the capital 
they became tracks. But the escort followed without 
flinching, utterly indifferent to obstacles of every 
description which encumbered an already too narrow 
road. I have rarely seen the equal of either man or 
beast in crossing ridges, walls and ditches. It was 
witchcraft on horseback. 

Ferdinand was superbly indifferent to everything 
unconnected with his sister-in-law. I gazed at him, 
and I thought of the devil-worship of our youth. He 
was always strange. I saw now, as I had seen long 
ago, the amulet in his buttonliole, disguised as a deco- 
ration, a button fashioned in the shape of a yellow 
marguerite beautifully executed in metal of the same 
shade as that of the heart of the flower. Each time 
I asked him about this "gri-gri" he assumed a serious 
manner, and gave me to understand that it was some- 
thing which he could not discuss. 

He had earnestly begged us to spend a short time 
with him. Had he the same idea which he had once 
explained to me openly at dinner, and which he 
emphasized privately in another way? I cannot 
believe it. 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 147 

I think that, carried away by his thoughts, he was 
no longer master of himself. I do not know whether 
I was ever mad, as his elder brother so much wished 
to believe, but I am absolutely sure that Ferdinand of 
Coburg was not always in possession of his senses. 

Yes, this spiritual scholar, this lover of art, this 
lover of flowers, this delightful friend of the birds in 
his aviary to whom he told nursery tales and charmed 
like a professional bird-charmer, this accomplished 
man of the world, this son of Princess Clementine, 
and this grandson of Queen Marie often assumed a 
kind of demoniacal personality and gave himself up 
to the evil delights of sorcery. 

At one dinner, which I remember as if it were yes- 
terday, he said in low tones so that my husband could 
not hear (my husband being opposite to me in the 
seat of the princess, who was absent owing to indis- 
position) : 

"You see everything here. Ah, well! All is my 
kingdom; I lay it, myself included, at your feet." 

I could only welcome this romantic declaration as 
fantastic gallantry rather than a literal statement. 
I tried to reply as if I treated the remark as a joke. 
But apart from his expression, which gave the lie to 
the level tone of his voice, I had more than one reason 
to distrust Ferdinand, now that his imagination was 
mastered by desire. 

In fact, the same evening he came to me, and 
taking me away from the dancers, led me to another 
room where a French window was open to the Ori- 



148 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ental night and the stillness of the little park, and 
inquired if I had understood what he had said. 

His tone was harsh and his look stern. There 
was something imperious and fascinating about him. 
I was much disturbed. He insisted brusquely: 

"It is the last time that I shall offer what I have 
offered. Do you understand?" 

My eyes wandered to the salon. I saw beside me 
the Prince of Bulgaria so different from his brother, 
still young, handsome and full of power. But the 
image of Princess Marie Louise passed before my 
eyes, and also the vision of the Queen. ... I shook 
my head, and murmured a frightened "No." 

I must have looked as pale as wax. Ferdinand's 
countenance changed. His features took on a sinis- 
ter expression; he, too, turned pale, and in a hoarse 
voice he threatened me, saying sneeringly: 

"Take care. You will repent this. By 'Kophte' ( ?) ." 

He added those incomprehensible words which he 
always used when he asked me to play the march 
from Aida in the darkened salon at midnight. 

That evening I felt something dangerous was in 
store for me. It was so; from that moment Ferdi- 
nand of Coburg joined his brother in his enmity 
towards me. And his enmity was no small matter. 

I am quite aware that these facts will appear in- 
credible to most people. They seem more like an old 
romance by Anne Radcliffe! But everything, both 
in the public and private life of Ferdinand of Coburg, 
was incredible. I do not wish to refer to the judg- 



FERDINAND OF COBURG 149 

ment already meted out to him by history. My de- 
sire is not to gloat over his downfall, but to show in 
what inconceivable surroundings I lived. I was a 
member of a family where everything was perfect 
and at the same time execrable. Unfortunately I 
was not then in a position to love good and shun evil. 
It took me twenty years to escape. 

Ferdinand of Coburg has commenced his punish- 
ment on earth. Knowing him as I do, I am certain 
that he suffers intensely, even though he may some- 
times receive consolation from the Devil! 

I think he believes himself a superman. That fool 
Nietzsche — ^in reviving a theory as old as the hills, 
when supermen called themselves cavaliers, warriors, 
heroes and demi-gods — has turned a considerable 
number of heads in German countries. He did them 
the more harm in that their super humanity, infested 
by the morbid materialism of the century, became sep- 
arated from the ideal which once animated these 
mighty persons, and elevated them to honour instead 
of luring them to crime. It is certain that despicable 
motives and methods can only end in a terrible mate- 
rial and moral defeat. Ferdinand of Coburg, who has 
been ambitious from his youth upwards, was a student 
of Nietzsche at the time when his theories achieved 
notoriety. So Nietzsche obtained as his disciple a 
being who is now one of the most notable victims of 
Zarathustra. 



CHAPTER XI 

William II and the Court of Berlin — The 
Emperor of Illusion 

I WISH to speak of William II as of one dead. He 
does not belong to this world ; he belongs to another. 

I must be excused if I am sparing of anecdotes. 
It would be painful to me to recall to life and move- 
ment one who has passed. My desire is to limit my- 
self to explaining effects of which I know the cause. 

It was puerile to wish under high-sounding vain 
words such a petty thing as the arrest and trial of a 
Government sunk in shame. 

Society cannot recognize any Divine law in crimes 
against civilization, since they place man below the 
level of the beast. 

William II fell from the throne and was arrested 
by a more powerful hand than that of earthly justice. 
He has known the severest prison of all — exile; the 
most frightful regime — fear; the most terrible sen- 
tence — that of conscience. Who will know the secret 
of the nights of this fugitive traitor to his people whom 
he fed with deceptions and lies, and whom he has led 
to ruin, civil war and dishonour? For not only did 
he dishonour himself, but he dishonoured Germany 

in dishonouring her arms. 

150 



THE COURT OF BERLIN 151 

Where is the honest German who has recovered 
from the intoxication of war who can hear the name 
of Louvain, of the Lusitania, of poison gas and other 
horrors without shuddering? But the responsibihty 
of all these crimes must rest on William II. 

The passing of centuries will be necessary to wipe 
out the stain of his murderous folly. This constitutes 
the shadow over the unfortunate Empire which 
makes it appear monstrous to the nations of the 
Entente. 

But I wish to say at once, because I am certain 
of it, Germany is what Imperial Prussia has made 
her, and would again make of her. 

The victim of her confidence and candour, she 
accepted as gospel all that her Sovereign, the heir 
of victorious ancestors, declared, professed and taught 
her. 

It is harder to inherit a kingdom than people 
think, and I say this without irony. William II was 
not human like his grandfather, who cried out when 
he saw the sacrifice of the cuirassiers of Reisdroffen: 
"Ah, my brave men!" William II possessed nothing 
of his father, who earned the name of Frederick the 
Noble, and who died of two maladies, that of his 
throat and that of his feverish impatience to reign. 

William II was charming as a boy. As a child he 
was an amiable playfellow. We have plundered the 
strawberry beds of Laeken together — a sacrilege 
which was pardoned solely on his account. 

I have followed his career as far as it was possible. 



152 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

I believed him to be great. I have heard much of his 
power not only from his own people, but from all 
people. He had a wonderful part to play. He did 
not know how to play it; he could not; he lacked the 
means to do so, and perhaps, first of all, a clever and 
good wife. He had no depth of soul. A different 
wife might perhaps have supplied him with this 
quality. 

Francis Joseph at the beginning of his active career 
as an Emperor was almost brilliant; he certainly 
appeared distinguished. Thirty years after, his face 
assumed an expression of vulgarity of which his first 
portraits gave no forecast, although at a distance 
he still gave the impression of being "somebody." 
But the high morale of the Empress was somewhat 
reflected in him. 

Less blessed in a wife, the longer William II has 
lived the worse his looks, his speech and his bearing 
have become. Two men — the late King Edward 
VII and my father, the King of the Belgians — ^took 
his exact measure and augured nothing good for his 
future. 

The intimate opinion of him expressed by my 
father has often recurred to me, but this would entail 
a separate chapter and it would lead us too far. I will 
confine myself to stating that the King had always 
foreseen that Germany, intoxicated with the warlike 
perorations of William II, who was a preacher of 
the old Prussian regime, would end by throwing her- 



THE COURT OF BERLIN 153 

self upon Belgium, upon France and upon the whole 
world. 

The defences of the Meuse were a convincing indi- 
cation of the King's forethought. But we shall never 
know all that the King said, what he did, and what he 
desired to do in this matter. 

Unfortunately certain parties and certain influ- 
ential men in Belgium wrongly countered his plans 
instead of acting upon them. The country has suf- 
fered cruelly for this mistake. 

By what means did William II arrive at those 
false conclusions which swept away the thrones of 
Central Europe and which have caused so many 
calamities? It was not, as has been thought by the 
Entente, the result of a fatal environment created 
alike by the ambitions of Germany and her barbaric 
instincts. The German Emperor wielded immense 
power. He was in truth an absolute monarch, and 
in consequence the Reichstag, the Bundesrath, or the 
various State Parliaments never interfered with him. 
The Emperor's Cabinet ruled the army, which in its 
turn ruled the nation. Thus everything was centred 
in the person of the Emperor, this magnificent fruit 
of Prussian discipline and force. 

But in this fruit which made such an impression 
when seen on its wall, there was a hidden worm. 
William II was a liar; he lied to others and to him- 
self without knowing that he was a liar. He lived 
continually in a world of fiction. In short, he was an 
actor. 



154 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

But he was the worst of actors; he was the ama- 
teur, the man of the world who plays comedy — and 
drama — who is so taken up with his own small talent 
that he becomes more of an actor than an actor, and in 
consequence is always acting in everything and every- 
where. 

This passion for the theatre is alike William II's 
excuse and his condemnation. It is his excuse because 
he entered so well into the "skin" of the various char- 
acters which he played, that in each of them he was 
sincere. It is his condemnation, because a king and 
an emperor should be a Reality, a Will, a Wisdom; 
but he was none of these. 

Personally he was hollow and sonorous. He did 
not know much. He did not at close quarters, like 
Francis Joseph, give one the impression of being the 
concierge at an embassy, but he always gave one the 
impression that is best illustrated by a saying which 
I remember having seen in the Figaro: "Have you 
seen me in the part of Charlemagne, or as a Lutheran 
bishop?" — (for he was summus episcopus) — "or as an 
admiral, or as the leader of an orchestra?" His many 
talents have been recounted. They may all be re- 
duced to one — the art of self-deception in order to 
deceive others. Under this veneer of self-deception 
there existed an empty soul, without a standard of 
honour, without poise, at the mercy of any kind of 
flattery, impressions, or circumstances. No sooner 
did he hear a speech than he gave his opinion, and 



THE COURT OF BERLIN 155 

assumed an attitude according to the role of the 
character to be represented. 

He may be described as the best son in the world, 
for he was not wicked; he was worse — he was weak. 
It was Chamfort, if my memory serve me rightly, 
who wrote: "The weak are the advance guard of the 
army of the wicked." William II was the scout of 
the advance guard; his Staff was the army. He 
who was so afraid of thunder usurped the place of 
Jupiter, the Thunderer, but this amateur soldier was 
far too nervous to endure even the noise of battle. 
When his officers for their own advancement per- 
suaded him that he possessed military and naval tal- 
ent, he dreamt of the role of "Welt Kaiser," and 
prepared for the conquest of the earth. 

Caught in their own trap, his faithful adherents 
were intoxicated by the intoxication which they had 
provoked. The Emperor's Cabinet was the theatre 
of a continuous orgy of gigantic schemes. At Vienna 
men's imaginations were inflamed. The Berlin- 
Bagdad Railway of Central Europe revived the 
earlier Near-East scheme. And a whole camarilla 
interested in the advantages to be derived from these 
splendid enterprises praised them extravagantly. 

If in 1914 the Emperor Francis Joseph had pos- 
sessed any glimmer of reason and good sense, he 
would have taken notice of the formidable uncertain- 
ties of the Berlin problems, and maintained peace 
while refusing to die at the cries of the victims of a 
war. 



156 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Left to himself, William II let loose the worst and 
most barbarous powers on the nations who were 
dragged into the horrors of war. 

I have said that he lacked depth. He was in 
reality inconsistent. Although playing a thousand 
parts, he had no personality. 

A man is only ''someone" by reason of his per- 
sonahty. Many fools and dishonest men reach their 
goals in life through intrigue, chance, favouritism 
and human folly. But they are none the less foolish 
and dishonest for all that, and this is why the world 
is so evil. 

William II assumed chivalrous airs, but he still 
remained coarse in his outlook. This was often ap- 
parent in his jokes with the officers of the Guards. 
He had no tact or judgment. His lack of tact was 
due to his bad Prussian education; to his student 
days at Bonn, which were given up to drinking bouts; 
and as a young man, to his taste for frequenting the 
Berlin casinos. As for his lack of judgment, this 
was the result of inherent vanity, which everything 
tended to develop to his own injury and that of 
Germany. The vain man is the being who is deceived 
by everyone, because he has begun by deceiving him- 
self. And he is usually a hopeless idiot. 

William II once said to me, under the impression 
that he was paying me a compliment: "You would 
make a fine Prussian grenadier." The compliment 
seemed to me "Pomeranian." 

If William II had possessed tact and judgment 



THE COURT OF BERLIN 157 

he would have known how to adopt a policy other 
than threats and violence, and a diplomacy utterly 
opposed to the trickery with which Germany was so 
aif ected during his reign. 

Incapable of judging the times in which he lived, 
weighed down by Prussian tradition, and full of zeal 
as titular chief of the House of Prussia, descended 
from a Suabian family which had emigrated to 
Brandenburg, he persuaded the upper classes of 
Germany that he had consolidated his prestige. The 
Middle Ages have had a disastrous effect on him and, 
through him, on all Germany. 

In addition to battlemented railway stations and 
post offices fortified by machicolated galleries, the 
influence of medisevalism led the Emperor-King and 
his people back to the old hates, the old struggles and 
the old ideas, just as if the world had not changed 
with the passing of centuries. The result was that 
science, inventions, and discoveries were first made 
to serve the industry of war, the continuation of con- 
quests, the mailed fist, and all the follies which sol- 
diers, writers and military journalists applied them- 
selves to serve, finding therein their daily bread. 

However, those nations brought into closer contact 
by means of intercommunication and by exchange of 
ideas have commenced to find solutions of difficulties 
in pacific ways — solutions which until now have only 
been dragged from the path of war. By this I mean 
the preservation and the development of the human 



158 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

species, its better distribution on the earth, and its 
rights to greater happiness and justice. 

Wilham II lacked depth (I again mention the 
fact) because he lacked moral strength. Not that he 
was immoral. Without being a saint, he admirably- 
fulfilled the role of husband and father. He was in 
everything a zealous amateur. Yet he lacked moral 
strength because his Lutheran attitude, which allowed 
him to play the part of a Protestant preacher, was 
not a religious role. His sermons as Head of the 
Church did not teach him to be humble, charitable 
and just before God. 

Contrary to what is generally believed, especially 
if the religious problem has not been studied, neither 
Lutheranism nor Calvinism is a religion. The beau- 
tiful souls one meets who have held, and who hold 
these religious beliefs would be beautiful no matter 
what belief they held, or even in the absence of any be- 
lief. They possess an innate beauty which touches the 
Divine. But a phase of religious belief cannot be a 
religion. Schisms are the accidents of the life of the 
Church. A tear in a costume is not a costume — on 
the contrary! Lutheranism was not originally a 
form of worship; it was a revolt, and this species of 
revolt will always make more rebels than believers. 
A revolt against Rome — Los von Rome! Impious 
cry! This is not only a case of "Deliver us from 
Rome," it is also a case of "Deliver us from the Chris- 
tian religion, from the unity of the Catholic Church, 
otherwise called the Universal Church, which is our 



THE COURT OF BERLIN 159 

only chance of peace on earth." It is a denial of 
Latinity and of Hellenism; it is the retrogression of 
Central Europe to the Scandinavian Valhalla; it is 
not a world which expands, it is a world which con- 
fines. It does not represent the free harmony of the 
actions and the thoughts of men; it is the enforced 
uniformity of the parade step, and the silence on 
parade in the ranks of the Prussian Guard. 

If William II, who is responsible for the violation 
of the neutrality of Belgium, the burning of Louvain, 
the massacres of Dinant and so many other atrocities, 
were not, so far as I am concerned, dead, and if I 
were to see him again, I would say to him : 

"You miserable man ! Have you read Goethe? Can 
you imagine what he who wrote 'Man is only greai; 
according to the Heaven which is within himself 
would think of you? You do not possess Heaven. 
You have driven away God with the Luther of hate 
and negation which was your God; you are a mere 
nullity." 



CHAPTER XII 

The Holsteins 

I FIRST knew Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein 
shortly after her marriage with Prince Wilham of 
Prussia. I saw her later as German Empress at the 
Court of Berlin. 

It was not easy to find favour in her sight ; not that 
she was a malicious woman, but her narrowness of 
mind and her pretensions to the perfections of Ger- 
man virtues made her no friendly judge of women. 

A pessimist and a martinet, she was wholly given 
up to her domestic duties and her worship of the God 
of Luther, whom she served with a zeal inimical to 
other gods, and with such piety that she edified Ger- 
many. But she had no conception of the immense 
pity and the infinite splendour of the true God. Al- 
ways a sentimental country, Germany thoroughly ad- 
mired this wife and mother, her husband and their 
children, who, when seen at a distance, really con- 
stituted a magnificent family. 

But let us judge the tree by its fruits. There were 

in this Royal menage no intimate dramas, no moral 

conflicts; everything seemed to proceed decently and 

in order. But none of the children born of the union 

of William II and Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein 

1 60 



THE HOLSTEINS 161 

has deserved any consideration at the hands of men. 
And in pity for them I will say no more. 

I was famihar with the old Court of Berlin, that 
of William I. I have often seen the old and infirm 
Empress Augusta, who always appeared to be very 
tightly corseted, installed on a sofa in the Imperial 
Salon close to a curtain which was di-awn aside, and 
the Court circle then formed round her. She was in- 
variably kind to me, and spoke to me in excellent 
French. The Emperor, Wilham I, wandered sim- 
ply and affably from one person to another. 

The Crown Prince Frederick gave me the impres- 
sion of being good, well read, noble and spiritual, and 
his wife, the daughter of Queen Victoria, was attrac- 
tive owing to her candid and pleasant demeanour and 
her remarkable intelligence. 

Count von Bismarck and Marshal von Moltke were 
the two lions of this unceremonial Court. Being 
young, I examined both curiously. Count Bismarck 
was noisy; he spoke loudly, and often indulged in a 
certain coarse gaiety. Marshal von Moltke said noth- 
ing; he seemed embarrassed with it all. But his pierc- 
ing eyes made up for his lack of words, and for my 
part I had no desire to offend this sphinx-like per- 
son. 

With the accession of William II, the patriarchal 
Court of William I and the Anglo-German but 
ephemeral Court of Frederick the Noble gave place to 
a Court of another kind. The ceremonial of official 
presentations was increased and became more fre- 



162 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

quent. The new Emperor wished to surround him- 
self with warhke pomp, but the presence of Augusta 
of Schleswig-Holstein always reduced the most sol- 
emn ceremonies of the last Court of Berlin to com- 
monplace gi'andeur. At this period the Empress had 
much trouble to gown herself and to dress her hair 
with taste. Her presence on the throne sufficed to 
transform it into a bourgeois sofa. Later, her taste 
in chiffons improved. 

When William II came to Vienna he was received 
with the honours due to his rank. I took especial 
pains with my toilette in order to do him honour. 

Accustomed as I was to his ponderous sallies, I 
did not expect to hear him say to me in French, which 
he spoke excellently, even in its boldest gallicisms: 
"Do you get the style of your coiffure and your 
gowns in Paris?" 

"Sometimes in Paris, but generally in Vienna," I 
answered. "I represent the fashion, and I design my 
own dresses." 

"You ought to choose Augusta's hats and help 
her with her gowns. The poor dear always looks 
shabby." 

So this is the reason why the German Empress 
patronized the same shops which I patronized, and 
bought dresses which I helped design. The question 
of hats bristled with difficulties, because she had one 
of those big heads which are so hard to suit. But I 
succeeded, it appears, in fulfilling the wish of her hus- 
band by rendering this small service to his wife. He 



THE HOLSTEINS 163 

thanked me amiably, although he was one of those 
who never forgive us for benefits received. 

The Holsteins, from whom the Empress was de- 
scended, had, as one knows, lost their Duchy, which 
was in former times Danish, and which had fallen into 
the hands of the Prussians. As a wife for the prince 
who one day would be Wilham II, Count von Bis- 
marck suggested Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein, who 
possessed an equable temperament, and whom he 
judged would balance the flights of fancy peculiar to 
a young and ardent husband. 

This marriage had the merit of uniting the Hol- 
steins to the House of Berlin by other means than by 
the sword. It regularized, in the eyes of Europe, 
the somewhat brusque method by which Prussia had 
annexed the Duchy. The political value of this mar- 
riage was well worth the dowry which Augusta cer- 
tainly lacked. 

The tall and fair future Empress was neither 
pretty nor ugly, but pretty rather than ugly. Her 
piety was well advertised, but there are pieties which 
had better be dispensed with if they spring from a 
false foundation. This was the case as regards the 
rehgious zeal of Augusta of Holstein, who when she 
became Empress began to regard her husband as the 
Head of the Protestant Church — a man who, lacking 
eclecticism, talked nonsense about the Boman Church, 
the Christian religion and Latinity. But he should 
have been restrained and made to observe the out- 



164 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

come of his Lutheran ramblings, which were mixed 
with invocations to Wotan and the god Thor. 

Another point no less grave was that the Holsteins, 
who were ruined or nearly so, were obliged to try and 
replenish their fortunes. Augusta was forced to think 
of this, and primarily to establish her brother Gun- 
ther, who led the life of a German officer of a noble 
family without having the means to do so. William 
II arranged matters from time to time, but he did 
not display much enthusiasm. In no case does money 
play a greater part than with people who are at- 
tached to a Court. Without money nothing is of 
value, because this class of people are only measured 
by the money which they spend. 

This was not the case with Gunther of Schleswig- 
Holstein. He possessed intelligence and culture. It 
has also been said that he was well posted in business 
matters. He has taken the chair at congresses in the 
capacity of a man of knowledge, and if during the war 
he did not particularly distinguish himself as a soldier, 
he has nevertheless shone as a financier. As a young 
officer these practical qualities were not apparent. It 
was necessary for him to make a good marriage. He 
failed in many attempts at matrimony. Presentable 
enough as a young man, he did not improve with 
age. When I saw him at various shooting parties in 
Thuringia, at the beginning of his career at Court, 
he was not bad-looking. When Gunther of Schles- 
wig-Holstein asked for my daughter Dora in mar- 



THE HOLSTEINS 165 

riage, and we had given our consent, he asked me to 
fix the date. I could not help saying: 

"What! . . . Do you seriously contemplate lead- 
ing my daughter to the altar without having that 
dreadful nose of yours attended to?" 

As a matter of fact he had a red nose of a many- 
sided, uncertain shape. Everyone is not like the 
Prince of Conde or Cyrano. A misshapen nose is 
certainly inconvenient. 

His sister pressed for his marriage with my daugh- 
ter. The same idea had struck her at Berlin as that 
which twenty years earlier had brought the Prince of 
Coburg to Brussels. The immense fortune of the 
King of the Belgians was by now undisputed. Cal- 
culations were made as to his income, and people 
talked of a thousand million francs to be divided one 
day between three heiresses. This aroused ardent 
speculative ideas, because even in those days one thou- 
sand million francs counted as something. 

The Duke of Holstein, having improved the ap- 
pearance of his nose, again spoke of his marriage with 
my daughter. 

Dora was still young. At this time my husband 
and I had reached the tragic point of an almost defi- 
nite rupture. I hoped that it would take place quiet- 
ly. It was not I who let loose all the scandals. It so 
happened that we had decided to stay away from 
Vienna for a year. We therefore left for the Riviera. 
Gunther of Holstein went with us. Thence we went 
to Paris, where I brought my household. This was 



166 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

looked upon as a crime. People seemed to forget that 
my husband formed part of my household. 

His company, rare as it was, was only irksome to 
me, and doubtless mine was no more agreeable to him. 
When difficulties arose between us I found constant 
consolation in the society of my daughter. Her 
mother was everything to her; my child was every- 
thing to me. At least Dora was mine. Her brother 
had long left me, so I kept my hold on her. I pro- 
tected her; I made as much of her as I could. But 
having now reached the point of the story of my 
daughter's marriage with a relation of the Hohen- 
zollerns, and the influence which the Court of Berlin 
was destined to have on Dora's future and on my 
own, I cannot deny myself the pleasure of portray- 
ing in these pages the ideal man of my devotion, 
who, having secured my moral safety, also gave me a 
new lease of life. 

I will not deny it. According to the ordinary laws 
of the world, his presence at that time on the Riviera 
and afterwards in Paris offended all the traditions of 
ordinary respectable conventions. 

Certain situations can only be judged in a manner 
suitable to them. If it is true that owing to my en- 
treaties — the entreaties of a desperate woman who 
found herself isolated, and at the mercy of the man 
who was still her husband — the Count of Geza Mat- 
tachich was at the Cote d'Azur at the same time as my- 
self, and mixed with my entourage on the footing of 
a man of honour (as is the custom in the households 



THE HOLSTEINS 167 

of princesses), then I beg my readers to agree that 
my future son-in-law had no fault to find. This state- 
ment I think suffices. 

Gunther of Holstein showed the count both respect 
and friendship, and further to prove this he asked him 
to act as his second in an affair of honour which he 
was able to arrange. But what was still more unfor- 
tunate, Dora, who had apparently some kind of in- 
stinct as to the troublesome times in store for her at 
Berlin, returned her ring to her fiance and released 
him from his engagement. 

Gunther of Holstein begged Count Mattachich to 
intercede with me to prevent the rupture, and I con- 
sented. 

For this kindness I was destined to be basely re- 
paid. 

I did not wish to be separated from my daughter 
before her marriage, and especially to leave her in 
Vienna at the Coburg Palace. When we were leaving 
for the Riviera, I had told the assembled servants with 
tears in my eyes that I should never return there 
again, and the prince had listened without saying a 
word to contradict my assertion. I was afraid of the 
influence of Vienna, where my unfortunate son finally 
perished, and where owing to his misconduct he was 
destined to end his days in a horrible manner. A fear- 
ful punishment for his faults, and the moral parri- 
cide which he committed in disowning his mother. 
No! at all costs Dora must remain with me. 

However, the Duke of Holstein insisted that Dora 



168 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ought to be introduced to his family and to the Hoh- 
enzollerns. He gave me his word of honour to bring 
her back if I would allow her to go to Berlin for a few 
days accompanied by her governess. I made this sol- 
dier of Berlin swear this, but "vanquished is he who 
pushes the wheel of the conqueror's chariot," and I let 
her go. 

She did not return. She was kept far away from 
me. This was the open avowal of the plot of which 
the melancholy vicissitudes were about to be precipi- 
tated. 

I only learnt of the marriage of my daughter to 
Gunther of Schleswig-Holstein from the newspapers, 
when I was incarcerated in the Doebling Asylum at 
Vienna. I had just been taken there. 

This plot — have I mentioned it? — was one of the 
vilest of plots — it was a plot which concerned money. 

I was not mad, but my enemies thought that I 
should most certainly become mad in the midst of 
lunatics. Madness is contagious. My destruction 
had been determined. For as insane, or passing as 
such, I should be incapable of managing my own af- 
fairs. I should possess no civil rights, and my repre- 
sentatives could do as they pleased with my property. 
The King was old, and doubtless it would not be long 
before he "passed over." It was then certain that 
each of his children would inherit about three thou- 
sand millions. Was I to be allowed to inherit such 
a fortune, which I was sure to surrender into inimi- 
cal hands, and which would then be squandered? 




nUKE GUXTHEH OP SCHtESWItl-HOtSTEIN 



THE HOLSTEINS 169 

It is not to be wondered that my son, my daugh- 
ter's husband, perhaps even my daughter herself, who 
was then a prisoner where WilKam II and his wife 
ruled, agreed with the wishes of the Prince of Co- 
burg, who was anxious to revenge himself for the 
bitter feelings which he had inspired in my heart. 

Besides, his vengeance would not fall on me alone. 
It would overtake and crush the count, whom he hated 
for his presumed influence over me. And this influ- 
ence, how could they possibly understand it? People 
see only what they want to see. It is beyond their 
miserable comprehension to understand superior be- 
ings with lofty souls and aspirations, and they de- 
scribe as infamy what in reality is sacrifice. 

I will pass rapidly over the shame and the sor- 
row, and I will only relate as much as is necessary to 
make known to the world the high and pure charac- 
ter of the count, who, a Bayard without fear and with- 
out reproach, dauntlessly confronted a military tri- 
bunal. 

I will confine myself to stating that in the unprece- 
dented drama of incessant persecutions which I was 
forced to endure from the year 1897 until the victory 
of the Entente, the Imperial Houses of Berlin and 
Vienna were the prop and support of the diff'erent at- 
tacks, pressure, outrages, defamations and calumnies 
which would assuredly have overwhelmed me if public 
opinion had not instinctively revolted thereat. 

And the public knew nothing of the rights and 
wrongs of the case. 



170 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Strengthened by public sympathy, I have been able 
to resist oppression. Justice is slow but sure. 

The principal Austrian mental specialists refused 
to certify me as insane, and an asylum in Germany 
was found where I was destined to serve a life sen- 
tence. I then said to William II: 

"As an accomplice of this crime, you will be even- 
tually punished." 

I reflected at this time that the man who was a 
party to the crime of thrusting a sane being into the 
abyss of madness was capable of other abominations. I 
did not believe that God would permit him to go un- 
punished. 

He has been punished. 

The same blow has struck the companion of his 
life, the wife who was so intolerant of the faults of 
others, so uncompromising from the height of her 
unchristian-like virtue. As the enemy of her neigh- 
bour, her influence would have been enough to bring 
about the war, since the worst of warlike tendencies 
is the spirit of intolerance. 

It is not sufficiently well known, but it is a fact, that 
the awful conflict of 1914-1918 was simply the result 
of the pitiless and inhuman hate of Lutheran Prussia, 
which was devoured by the wish to dominate, to gov- 
ern and to oppress. 

Disbelief caused the war. Belief only will bring 
about lasting peace. 

Belgium and France must understand that, al- 



THE HOLSTEINS 171 

though Prussia held and enriched Germany, Germany 
never liked Prussia. 

Germany can only be won by confidence and by 
affection. 

The Catholic section, who are no less generous than 
the Socialists, who although the greater part are sin- 
cere, are indifferent to Divine will, should show an 
example of reconciliation. The bishops would then 
have a great role to perform. Religious conferences 
and pilgrimages might afford occasions of meeting on 
a better footing, and before I die I should like to see 
Germans, Belgians and French united in the presence 
of the God of Love, in the same faith and in the same 
hope, and through the Love of His Law they would 
then exchange the kiss of peace. 



CHAPTER XIII 

The Courts of Munich and Old Germany 

Each time I have stayed at the Court of Vienna I 
have regretted that I did not know Louis II per- 
sonally. When I first saw him he had already taken 
refuge in his dreams and his dreamlike castles. 

Like Rudolph, he had been seized with a great mis- 
trust, not of humanity, but of those who directed hu- 
man affairs. He did not, like Rudolph, find a way of 
escape in suicide. Louis II created for himself a 
paradise of art and beauty, where he endeavoured to 
lose himself, away from his people, whom he loved, 
and by whom he was loved in return. 

I once caught sight of him in the park at Munich 
sitting alone in his state carriage, escorted by rather 
theatrical outriders. Behind the bevelled plate-glass 
windows framed in gold, he sat imposing and motion- 
less. 

He was an astonishing apparition, one which the 
crowd saluted without his seeming to take any no- 
tice. 

After his extravagances the Court, forced to econo- 
mize, easily adopted a more or less bourgeois exis- 
tence. 

I rejoiced to see the patriarchal customs of the Re- 
gent, Prince Luitpold. I had not then much experi- 

172 



THE COURTS OF MUNICH 173 

ence of politics, and only saw the surface of things. 
The impatient insubordination of Bavaria to Prus- 
sia, from which a more intelligent and less divided 
Europe might have derived so much advantage, es- 
caped me. I only saw in the Regent a character out 
of one of Topfer's stories. 

He devoted the greater part of his time, even in his 
old age, to physical exercises. Shooting and swim- 
ming were his favorite pastimes. He bathed every 
day all the year round in one of the large ponds on 
his estate in Nymphenburg. And when he was not 
shooting he was walking. His outward appearance 
gave no indication of his rank. I met him one autumn 
day in Vienna in one of the little streets off the Prater 
behind the Lusthaus; he was in his shirt sleeves; his 
coat and top hat were hanging on the point of the 
walking-stick which he carried over his shoulder. He 
seemed happier than a king. 

His inseparable companion, a poodle no less 
shaggy and hairy than his master, accompanied him. 
They looked exactly like one another. At a distance 
a near-sighted person might easily have mistaken the 
dog for the Regent and the Regent for the dog. 

Louis III, his son and successor, inherited his fath- 
er's simple tastes, which he believed he could simplify 
still more. But excess in anything is a mistake. His 
abuse of simphcity was practically his only way of 
making a mark in contemporaneous history. History 
will not preserve the memory of this mediocre King of 
Bavaria, but it will remember his unfashionable 



174 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

clothes, his concertina trousers, his square boots with 
rubber heels and his wrinkled socks, by which he 
wished to demonstrate his democratic tastes. He 
would have done better to have recollected that the 
duty of a king is to raise the man in the street to the 
level of the throne, and not to let the king descend 
to the level of the man in the street. 

He was not popular, owing to his bad taste. In 
vain he paraded his love of beer, coarse jokes, sau- 
sages and skittles. The Bavarians remembered Louis 
II as a good king, and at the same time as a grandly 
spectacular king. 

People are flattered when a king who is a king 
unbends to them, but if he looks like a carter they ex- 
perience no pride in seeing him drive the chariot of 
State as if it were a cart. 

The Court of Bavaria, which had slightly retrieved 
its former position before 1914, fell between Scylla 
and Charybdis when the Crown Prince of Bavaria 
and the Man of Berlin played with the thunderbolts 
of war. The Wittelsbachs vanished like smoke in the 
defeat of Prussian ambitions. 

They might still have been at Munich if they had 
furthered legitimate Bavarian ambitions, and judged 
them from the exclusive point of view of the political 
and religious needs of their country. 

It must be recollected, however, that the German 
thrones were threatened. Neither the rigid discipline 
of Berlin, the go-as-you-please rule of Munich, nor 
the mixed systems which existed between these two 



THE COURTS OF MUNICH 175 

extremes could have kept up the anachronism of 
worn-out forms which the people instinctively re- 
jected by paying more attention year by year to So- 
cialism and Republicanism. 

The German kings have vanished. It is not impos- 
sible that they may return; if not the same, others, 
perhaps better qualified to rule. Nations are re- 
stricted in their choice as to the methods of govern- 
ment. Monarchy is the form which pleases them, or 
rather which they tolerate, more often than any other. 
Monarchy originates from the family principle, which 
is an eternal principle. The true king is a father. 
Monarchy may be reborn in Germany and elsewhere, 
but its powers will be modified and restricted by 
the times. As it existed in Germany it has been con- 
demned to extinction by reason of its archaism. 

The Church alone has the privilege of not becoming 
obsolete, by the constant return of mankind to an im- 
mutable doctrine. Monarchies become obsolete owing 
to men of the same blood, the same name and the 
same race who aspire to exist uninfluenced by the con- 
stant changes of the conditions of life. When they 
fall exhausted, then comes the time of the Republic. 
But because the family principle is the foundation 
of social existence, and because a Republic favours 
the individual rather than the family, the Republic 
in its turn disappears and Monarchy reappears. Such 
is the way of the world. 

Germany would be the first to admit this if she 
possessed any philosophical sense whatever. It is a 



176 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

popular legend that Germany possesses the philosoph- 
ical spirit, and nothing is more invincible than a leg- 
end. But, as a matter of fact, there is no nation on 
earth at once more metaphysical and less philosophi- 
cal than the German nation. Metaphysics alone help 
her people to dream and to accept these dreams for 
realities. In no way does it lead them to a condition 
of wise clear-sightedness. 

The German nation has fallen into the pit dug 
for it by Imperial Prussia. Every Court, important 
or otherwise, was convinced that Berlin and the Hoh- 
enzollerns would be masters of the hour. 

Certain showy Monarchies, feeling the pressure 
of a rather frock-coated Socialism, have tried to ac- 
commodate themselves to Social Democracy as Social 
Democracy adapts itself to them. 

Nevertheless, one saw some maintaining their tradi- 
tional ceremonial undisturbed. 

Such a Monarchy was the little Court of Thurn 
and Taxis at Regensburg, the most picturesque and 
most amusing Court which I have known. 

I have often played skittles at Regensburg; but 
what a spectacle we presented! We played skittles 
wearing our tiaras and our long-trained gowns. There 
was etiquette in handling and bowling a large ball. 
More than one tiara became insecure, and more than 
one player groaned in her jewels, silks and embroi- 
deries, not to mention her corsets. Luckily clothes 
were then capable of more resistance. If this had oc- 
curred nowadays, when women dress in transparen- 



THE COURTS OF MUNICH 177 

cies which are as scanty as possible, what would not 
one have seen? 

It must not be thought that this was a chance game 
of skittles which I played dressed in full Court toi- 
lette. It was the fashion. You did everything at Reg- 
ensburg in a procession, preceded by a Master of the 
Ceremonies. And because and for all that, as Vic- 
tor Hugo says somewhere, it was very droll. 

Life at Regensburg was agreeable. The prince and 
princess entertained magnificently. The palace lent 
itself admirably to entertaining, as it was a superb 
residence, royally furnished and surrounded by gar- 
dens which were tended with love. The cooking 
equalled that of the cuisine dear to the heart of Ferdi- 
nand of Bulgaria. The charming part about it was 
that the antiquated ceremonial was so well ordered 
that certain exaggerations were quickly forgotten in 
the beauty of rhythm and arrangement, which recalled 
the dignity of bygone days. 

We went to the races in splendid state barouches, 
preceded by equally well turned out outriders. The 
Count of StanfFerberg, Master of the Horse, an old 
Austrian officer, rode at the side of the prince's car- 
riage, and the gentlemen-in-waiting were so attentive 
that, had there been no step to the carriage, every one 
of them would have supplied the place with their per- 
sons. 

If we went to the theatre we went in full dress, pre- 
ceded by torch-bearers to the princely box. 

An etiquette of this description compelled one to 



178 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

maintain the dignity of one's station. But the prince 
and his wife liked this ceremonial; they only lived to 
prolong the pomp of past centuries. 

It had been said that Princess Marguerite of Thurn 
and Taxis somewhat resembled Marie Antoinette. 
The prince, who believed in the said resemblance, 
wished to give his wife a set of diamonds which had 
once belonged to the unfortunate Queen of France. 
He bought them and the princess wore them. I was 
afraid that there might be some fatality in this, but 
there were no superstitions at the Court of Thurn and 
Taxis. The future was seen through rose-coloured 
glasses, and in order to make the appearance of the 
princess suit the historical diamonds the famous Len- 
theric was once sent for from Paris on the occasion 
of a Court ball, to arrange the princess's hair "a la 
frigate," and transform her into a quasi Marie An- 
toinette, whom one would have been very sorry to 
have seen starting for the scaffold. 

When the wind of revolution swept over Germany 
the dethroned princes were spared this punishment. 
They departed for foreign countries, and not for the 
scaffold. Germany, left to herself and no longer in- 
toxicated by Berlin, has not massacred a single one 
of her sovereigns of yesterday. And this fact alone 
should rightly afford food for reflection to all those 
who speak of Germany without really knowing her. 

^ ^ ^ ¥^ ^ 

In the httle Duchy of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha life 
was quite different from that at the Court of Thurn 



THE COURTS OF MUNICH 179 

and Taxis. Here nature and art joined hands. There 
were no showy processions, no studied etiquette ; only 
a charming and distinguished simpKcity which exem- 
plified the taste of this German prince of high and 
human culture — ^my uncle, the reigning Duke Er- 
nest II, whose kindness to me I have already men- 
tioned. 

He never tired of spoiling me, and he wished me to 
feel that whenever I was at the palace I was a queen. 
His affection never changed. In his society and that 
of my aunt the duchess, who was also very affection- 
ate and kind to me, I have often forgotten the misery 
of my marriage. 

His stag-hunts in the beautiful country of Thur- 
ingia, through forests of firs and beeches, were for me 
an intoxicating pleasure. 

I followed the duke's lead; he was a good shot and 
a good horseman ; his years did not trouble him. Often, 
in the mountains, I rode a white mule, and the duke 
remarked on the touch of colour which my mount and 
I made in that rustic countryside. 

In the evening, when the weather was fine, we 
dined under the big trees, which were lit up by well- 
arranged lanterns. I usually wore a light dress to 
please the duke, who also liked me to adorn myself 
with a garland of flowers which he himself made up 
every day, as an act of delicate homage from the 
most courteous of uncles. 

When I stayed with the Duchess Marie at Rose- 
nau, I also passed many happy hours. Her daugh- 



180 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ters were lovely girls. What a radiant apparition 
was Princess Marie, now Queen of Rumania! Once 
seen — she was never forgotten! 

Coburg, the cradle of a family which has given to 
Europe so many kings and queens, princes and 
princesses, Royal and Imperial, has witnessed nu- 
merous gatherings of the present generation. A mar- 
riage, an engagement, or a holiday invariably brought 
the members of the Coburg family to their native 
country. Young and old were happy to return and 
forget some of the duties which their position de- 
manded; others were glad to forget the burden of 
their studies. Each tried to be himself and to be- 
have as an ordinary human being. 

The delights of a normal existence are very attrac- 
tive to those who are deprived thereof by their posi- 
tion and their duties. The general public has a false 
idea of royalty. It believes them to be different 
from what they are, while, as a matter of fact, they 
really wish to be the same as anyone else. 

'No doubt princes, like William II, are to be met 
with who think that they are composed of a different 
clay from the rest of mankind. They have lost their 
heads by posing before the looking-glass and by in- 
haling the incense of flattery. They are merely acci- 
dents. Any man who suffered similarly would be 
just as bad, no matter to what class he belonged. It 
is true that the disease would not then have the same 
social consequences. Again, Monarchism has become 
more and more under control and is practically lim- 



THE COURTS OF MUNICH 181 

ited to a symbolic function, since it depended more 
on one man than another. It could have been both 
efficacious and influential if the prince had possessed 
personality; but if he possessed mediocre qualities 
without serious influence of any sort he was merely a 
nonentity. After him would perhaps come a better 
ruler. But everything is a lottery, and universal 
suff*rage and the elections of Parliaments are no less 
blind than Fate. 

At Coburg I was brought into close association 
with the Empress Frederick, who died with her ambi- 
tions unfulfilled, great in her isolation. She saw with 
an eye which knew no illusions the Royal and Impe- 
rial crown of Prussia and Germany pass swiftly from 
her husband to her son. The egotism and the vanity 
of the "Personage" aroused in her more fear than 
hope. And with what an expression of pity did her 
eyes rest on the mediocrity of her daughter-in-law! 

The Romanoff's and their relations also remained 
faithful to Coburg. The grand dukes the brothers 
of the Duchess Marie, her sisters-in-law the Grand 
Duchesses Vladimir and Serge, who were both beau- 
tiful in a different style, brought with them echoes of 
the stately and complex Court of Russia, that Asiatic 
Court which I always felt was a thousand miles and 
a thousand years beyond the comprehension of the 
present century. 

Amongst other memorable ceremonies which I have 
witnessed at the cradle of the family, I have retained 
the remembrance of the marriage of the Grand Duke 



182 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

of Hesse with Princess Melita, who became later the 
Grand Duchess Cyril. Happiness seemed to preside 
at the fete. Love had been invited — a rare guest at 
princely unions. 

I will not say much about the betrothal of poor 
"Nick" with Alice of Hesse, which was also cele- 
brated at Hesse. 

He who was to become the Tsar Nicholas II, ap- 
peared a sad, timid, nervous and insignificant man, 
at any rate from a worldly point of view. His 
fiancee was distant in manner, absorbed and self- 
centred. Already her entourage was concerned 
about her visionary and rather eccentric tendencies. 

She had replaced Princess Beatrice (who had mar- 
ried Henry of Battenberg) as Queen Victoria's 
reader and favourite companion. The Queen desired 
the throne of Russia for her granddaughter, and she 
brought about the marriage of which I witnessed the 
betrothal ceremonies. The old Queen presided. But 
everything lacked gaiety. If joy appeared to reign 
for a moment it seemed nevertheless to be forced. 
One felt depressed by the weight of some unknown 
calamity. Perhaps Destiny wished to warn Alice 
of Hesse and Nicholas of Russia of their impending 
fate. 



CHAPTER XIV 

Queen Victoria 

Is it possible for me to mention the name of Queen 
Victoria without remembering that the Prince of 
Coburg and myself were often the guests of our aunt 
and cousin? One of the most hospitable of women, 
she revelled in the joys of domesticity, and liked noth- 
ing better than to gather her relatives around her, 
preferably the Coburgs, the family of which the 
Prince Consort was a member. 

Although the Queen was extremely short, afflicted 
with a corpulency that was almost a deformity, and 
an excessively red face, she nevertheless possessed an 
air of great distinction when she entered the room, 
supported by one of the magnificent Indian servants 
who were her personal attendants. She usually car- 
ried a white handkerchief so arranged that the lace 
border showed, and she favoured a black silk gown 
with a small train, the corsage cut in V shape. She 
wore round her neck a locket containing a miniature 
of Prince Albert, her never-to-be-forgotten husband, 
on her head a widow's cap of white crepe; she very 
rarely wore gloves. On special occasions the Koh-i- 
noor, that wonderful diamond, the treasure of treas- 

183 



184 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ures of India, sparkled with a thousand fires in the 
folds of the crepe cap. 

The Queen did not leave much impression of her 
personality, although she was most impressive in her 
movements, her tones and her look. Her nose had a 
curious way of trembhng, which was almost an index 
of her thoughts. And how shall I describe that 
amazingly cold glance which she was wont to cast over 
the family circle? The slightest error in dress, the 
slightest breach of etiquette was instantly noticed. A 
hint or a reprimand followed in a voice that brooked 
no rej)ly. Then her nose wrinkled, her lips became 
compressed, her face flushed a deeper scarlet, and the 
whole of the Royal Person appeared to be swept by 
the storm of anger. 

But once the storm had passed, the Queen smiled 
her charming smile, as if she wished to efface the 
memory of her previous ill-humour. 

In arriving or departing she always bowed to those 
around her with a curious httle protective movement. 

On one occasion I had the misfortune to displease 
her. 

The Queen detested the curled fringes which hid 
the forehead and were then fashionable. This rather 
unbecoming mode is within the recollection of many. 
I admit I adopted it. Fashion is fashion. This style 
of coiffure greatly annoyed the Queen, who said to 
me one day: "You must dress your hair differently, 
and in a manner more suitable to a princess." 

She was right. Unfortunately the Prince of 



QUEEN VICTORIA 185 

Coburg, who equally disliked this curled coiffure, was 
present when our aunt made this remark. If she had 
given him the Koh-i-noor he could not have been bet- 
ter pleased. I was therefore treated to a sound 
scolding from my husband, which resulted in making 
me decide not to take any notice of the Queen's cen- 
sure. My hair still remained in curls on my fore- 
head. 

At Windsor, as in the Isle of Wight, the Queen 
drove out every evening about 6 o'clock — no matter 
what the weather might be. We were usually hon- 
oured by accompanying her. Occasionally we were 
obliged to wait quite a long time for the Queen to 
make her appearance. At last, preceding the Queen, 
a plaid on his arm, a flask of whisky slung over his 
shoulder, came John Brown, the faithful Scotsman 
whose doings occupied such a prominent position in 
the Court Circular, and who, like many others of his 
kind, represents an unpublished feuilleton in the his- 
tory of Courts. 

He led the way, ensconced himself in the brake 
drawn by tvro grey horses, and the drive — ^which 
lasted about two hours — began. 

Evening fell. John Brown moved about in his 
seat. He frequently turned his head, hopeful to re- 
ceive the Queen's orders to return. Was this anxiety 
on account of his fear of rheumatism, or of some chill, 
which, notwithstanding the comforting properties of 
whisky, would have affected his health and prevented 
him fulfilling his duties to the Queen? I really can- 



186 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

not say. All I know is that John Brown detested 
twilight drives on a damp evening. They always 
affected his temper, and he did not attempt to conceal 
his feelings — but, for that matter, he never attempted 
to do anything contrary to his inclination. 

Even the Queen's children experienced John 
Brown's autocracy. 

It happened that the Prince of Wales, afterwards 
the great King Edward VII, once wanted to see his 
mother on urgent and unexpected business. But 
John Brown opened the door of the Queen's room and 
said decisively: "You cannot see the Queen, Sir." 

If in the intimacy of her daily life Queen Victoria 
allowed herself some moments of relaxation, she was, 
nevertheless, a great Sovereign and an imposing 
figure. Her Jubilee, celebrated with a splendour 
which my contemporaries will easily remember, 
showed her real status in the world. The procession 
through London in the midst of a delirious and cheer- 
ing populace, the cavalcade of kings, princes, rajahs, 
and other representatives of the Dominions, resplen- 
dent in their magnificent uniforms and blazing with 
precious stones, was a spectacle worthy of the 
"Arabian Nights." 

We shall never look upon the like again. Men 
will never honour temporal power as they did when 
they thus exalted a woman who so nobly represented 
the Past, the Present and the Future of the United 
Kingdom, the Empire of India, and the Colonies. 

Do not say "vanity of vanities." Pomp and Cir- 



QUEEN VICTORIA 187 

cumstance have their reasons for existence. A society 
which does not possess a theocracy, an aristocracy and 
a pomp in proportion to its institutions is a moribund 
society. It will always be necessary to return to the 
equivalents of Sovereignty, the Court and Divinity, 
without which the discrowned social edifice will be a 
barn or a ruin. 

It was on the occasion of one of the great Jubilee 
entertainments that, owing to my annoying and incor- 
rigible habit of unpunctuality, I arrived late to take 
my place in the Royal cortege. I will admit that I 
was often purposely late, because I knew that this 
enraged the Prince of Coburg beyond anything else, 
and he always began the day by saying that he knew 
beforehand I should not be punctual. 

Women who read this book will understand how 
difficult it is to be quite punctual for an engagement 
when one is wearing a special gown for the first time. 
Men will never understand these feminine difficulties ! 

I frankly acknowledge that on this occasion I ought 
to have arranged matters differently; I did not wish 
to be in fault. State ceremonial exacted that nobody 
should be absent at the formation of the cortege. 
And, as owing to my marriage, my rank and position 
relegated me towards the end, quite a number of 
kings and queens had been obliged to wait until I 
made my appearance. 

When I entered I was, naturally, in a state of 
extreme confusion. But at this period I was in the 
heyday of my beauty. I knew that I was beautiful 



188 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

and admired. I saw most eyes turned unsympatheti- 
cally in my direction. The women looked cross, but 
happily the men, who at first seemed severe, were not 
long in softening towards me. I was dazzled by the 
light of these earthly suns! 

But to hesitate was to be lost! It behoved me to 
derive instant advantage from the situation. Silence 
and impassiveness greeted the apparition of the cul- 
prit who had dared hold up the progress of the Queen 
of England and her illustrious suite. I realized that 
my entrance must be of the kind which succeeds only 
once in a lifetime. 

I took my time — and I put all the grace imaginable 
into my curtsy to the Queen, and my bow to the 
assembled Court. 

I approached to kiss my mother's hand, who, over- 
joyed to hear the flattering murmur which followed 
my method of asking pardon, drew me towards her, 
saying as she did so : "You were made to be a queen." 

Even now a tear rises from my heart to my eyes. 
What a strange nature we possess! But when one 
has been metaphorically born on the steps of a throne, 
one feels the need for success, homage and ovations. 
One not only preserves their memory, but one also 
retains the wish for them and the regret when they 
no longer exist. 



CHAPTER XV 

The Drama of my Captivity and my Life as a 
Prisoner — The Commencement of Torture 

My misfortunes, alas! are known to the public all 
over the world. But it is not on me that they weigh 
most heavily. 

If calumny and persecution, assisted by the most 
powerful influences, have continually added blow 
upon blow, one truth, at least, is patent : I was not — 
I am not — mad, and those who endeavoured to affirm 
that I was insane, did so to their shame, and, I also 
hope, to their sorrow. 

"Nevertheless," it was said, "the princess is pecu- 
liar." Others, better informed, declared emphat- 
ically, "She is weak-minded." 

Not that, thank Heaven! 

My "expenditure," my "prodigality," my "debts," 
and "my relinquishing my interests and my will to 
my entourage" have all been objected to. 

Let us briefly discuss these "peculiarities" and 
these "weaknesses." 

It is perfectly true that at times I have been 
extravagant. I have said, and I still repeat, that 

this extravagance was a way of revenging myself for 

189 



190 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

the constraints and pettiness of an oppressive 
avarice. 

It is true, as I have also admitted, that, as in the 
natural order of events I thought I should inherit 
a considerable fortune, I have been weak in some 
things and I have not resisted certain temptations. 

People talk of the fantastic sums of money which 
I have spent. I calculate that I have not disbursed 
ten minions of francs since 1897, the year when I 
made a bid for freedom. Higher figures have been 
given, but these are represented by the exaggerations 
of speculators and usurers sent by my enemies to 
help their case, and to bear witness of "follies" after 
having palmed off their worthless securities on me. 

Everyone knows the edifying story of the German 
creditor who appeared before the Court at Brussels 
deputed to pay my debts out of the funds accruing 
to me from the inheritance of the King, and put in a 
claim for seven million marks, which was reduced to 
nothing after due inquiry and verification of what he 
had really advanced and received. 

If I were to lower myself to write the story of the 
various manoeuvres against my independence, all with 
one object of placing me in such a position that I 
could neither live nor act, my readers would say: 
"It is impossible, she is romancing." 

But the most unlikely romances are not those 
which are published. Life alone reveals them. 

Reflect ; I had to choose between slavery, imprison- 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 191 

merit in a madhouse, or flight and, in consequence, an 
active defence of my personal rights. 

I fled, and I have defended myself. But, in order 
to capture and break me, my allowance was reduced 
to a mere pittance, and, later, even the means of get- 
ting my daily bread were cut ofl*. 

I had lost the best of mothers ; the King, deceived 
and irritated, but more politic than I in all that con- 
cerned me, placed appearances above the obligations 
of his conscience, and took no further interest in the 
cruel fate of his eldest daughter. 

From the time of my incarceration my sisters and 
the rest of my family sided with the King. I saw 
myself forgotten by my relatives, who for years never 
came near me in the asylum. 

I was either mad or I was not mad. To abandon 
me thus showed that I was not. 

The Press at last became indignant at this neglect. 
Then my relatives came, but oh, very rarely ! It was 
so painful, so embarrassing for them — but it was not 
embarrassing for me. 

When I escaped, their pretended pity gave way to 
open anger. . . . 

It was necessary, however, for me to live and to 
make as much return as I could for services which 
had been rendered me. At last I was compelled to go 
to law — a new crime! 

My crime did not consist in my rebellion against 
a husband and a marriage of convenience that had 
become impossible. . . . Have I been the first woman 



192 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

to be forced into matrimony? . . . My crime con- 
sisted in showing that deplorable spirit which the 
world rarely pardons — ^the fighting spirit, the spirit 
of resistance. 

The world dislikes a woman who defends herself, 
and I admit the mystery of procedure and the devious 
ways of the law have always been beyond me, but a 
woman who defends herself resolutely, for the sake 
of principle, honour and right, this woman is detest- 
able. . . . She wishes to prove herself in the right 
against established authority; she creates a scandal; 
she cries: "I am not mad!" She cries: "I have been 
robbed!" Why, such a woman is a public nuisance. 

As a rule, well-bred people who are imprisoned 
and robbed do not make much noise about it. But 
in the case of the daughter of a king and the wife of 
a prince who objects to being thought either demented 
or a dupe, it is unforgivable of her to create a scan- 
dal. Had she done the right thing she would not 
have been talked about. She would still be in the 
shadow of the lime trees of the Court; and, as she 
wants to dabble in literature, she could have written 
a book about the glory of human justice in Belgium 
and elsewhere. 

Many thanks! My conscience is still my own. I 
will not yield it up. I will die misunderstood, slan- 
dered and robbed, my last word will be a word of 
protest. That for which I have been reproached 
must be vindicated ; I will make good. I have nothing 
to be ashamed of as regards my past "extravagances." 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 193 

God be thanked that my "victims" have always 
been paid in full, and always to their own advantage. 

I should consider myself dishonoured had I caused 
anyone to lose anything due to him, no matter how 
small the sum. I would rather have settled with the 
cheats than have disputed with them. 

Having written so fully about my expenditure, let 
me now turn to the so-called surrender of my fortune 
and my will to my entourage. ' 

Let none be deceived! Touching this, slander has 
always attacked one person alone, he to whom I have 
consecrated my life as he has vowed his life to me. 
His enemies have credited him with their own base 
motives. They did not want to see, and they denied 
that he was, by his greatness of soul, far above all 
miserable calculations of self-interest. 

In vain he threw into the abyss all that he had, all 
that he was likely to possess. What sublime abnega- 
tion, stifled by hate beneath its hideous inventions! 

Oh, noble friend, what has not the howling and 
monstrous beast of hatred said of you? 

'No doubt you, like myself, were unable to struggle 
against fraudulent financiers, deceitful men of law 
and treacherous friends. But to dare to insinuate 
that you have ever subjugated my will, misled my 
steps, falsified my acts — ah! it is more absurd than 
infamous. 

I have, I always have had, a power of resistance 
capable of sacrificing everything to an ideal of honour 



194 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

and liberty, otherwise I should have been a mere doll, 
or a weather-cock responsive to every breath. 

Full of consciousness as regards the essentials of 
human dignity, I should then be unconsciousness 
personified for things of secondary importance. 

Is not that foolish? 

But let us leave this topic and throw a new light 
on the subject of the incredible attempts of a hatred 
which nothing could disarm up to that day when 
another justice, not that of man, overthrew thrones 
so unworthily occupied and delivered me from the 
persecutions of which I was the object. 

On the eve of their fall the German and Austro- 
Hungarian monarchs still believed they could do as 
they liked with me. The wrongs I suffered are only 
one example of what they dared do. What crimes 
have they not committed which still lie hidden ! And 
what corruption clings even to their memory! 

The commencement of the intrigues which brought 
about my fall is known to the world. 

I was at Nice with my daughter. Dora, who rep- 
resented alike my hope and my consolation, was 
taken from me by her fiance, who was in league with 
the Prince of Coburg, and who broke the solemn 
promise he had given me. 

The prince instinctively felt that I intended to 
make my escape, and he knew that with me would also 
vanish his hopes of possessing my inheritance from 
the King of the Belgians. 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 195 

"She might get a divorce," he thought to himself. 
"She might marry again." 

I had thought of divorce. This might weU have 
to come much later. But if I could not help freeing 
myself from a promise to a man who had destroyed 
the reasons which were the basis of the spoken vow, 
I hesitated about freeing myself from my vows to an 
invisible and silent God, who does not corrupt, de- 
ceive or persecute. 

The indissolubility of marriage is one thing; the 
severance of the ties of the flesh is another. The 
longer I Hve the more I have become convinced that 
divorce is a scourge. We must have courage to admit 
that individual cases ought to be considered of no 
account, the interest of the community must alone be 
considered. The higher the value that is set on mar- 
riage the better will society become. The marriage 
tie has become something excessively fragile, and as 
a result society possesses no solidity. The Church is 
right. But who among us does not stumble, and 
which of us does not disregard the fact that Divine 
law is essentially a human law? 

The count received at Nice the seconds of the 
Prince of Coburg, to whom the Court of Francis 
Joseph had relegated this duty. The duel brought 
the two adversaries face to face in the Cavalry 
Riding School at Vienna in February, 1898. The 
lieutenant fired twice in the air, and twice the general 
fired at the lieutenant. They were then handed 
swords. The lieutenant continued to treat the gen- 



196 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

eral with respect and touched him lightly on the right 
hand. 

He thus added to the feelings of hatred which the 
prince already had towards him. Three weeks later 
he was implicated in that abominable story of the 
forged bills of exchange which was entirely an inven- 
tion, and to which, later, the Reichsrath accorded full 
justice. 

The impossible judgment which pretended to dis- 
honour one of the most noble of men would never 
have been pronounced if I had been called as a wit- 
ness. 

But my enemies hastened to have me incarcerated. 
My evidence was suppressed and the count was 
condemned. 

A man still lives, silent and hidden, who, if I reckon 
rightly, must be seventy-five years old. I write these 
lines hoping that he will be able to read them before 
he disappears finally from the world. 

Now, when my memory invokes him, I see him 
standing at the threshold of the madhouse into which 
his hatred had caused me to be thrown, and I see him 
at the gate of the prison where he had caused Count 
Geza Mattachich to be confined. But I should like 
him to know that his victims have pardoned him. 
They could, to-day, demand satisfaction from Aus- 
trian justice, now freed from the constraints of for- 
mer years. His victims will spare him. Let Him 
who will judge us all, judge this old man. I do not 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 197 

even know who were the instruments of his ven- 
geance. 

Not long since in Vienna a poor creature three- 
parts bhnd and with one foot in the grave was pointed 
out to me, and I heard the name of the Jewish lawyer, 
now repudiated by all that is estimable in Jewry in 
Austria, who was the agent, the instigator, and the 
counsellor of the implacable hatred which determined 
on my destruction. 

I looked back at him thinking that this same per- 
sonage, so stubborn in his system of police severity, 
and in his service of the abuse of power, had also 
armed the hand of the woman who killed my son. . . . 

And greatly moved, I asked myself: 

"Have they understood?" 

Yes, perhaps. Doubtless they are no longer what 
they were. Life must also have changed them. 

Can they, without pain, remember yesterday? 

To speak candidly, we fled in order to escape these 
enemies ; I did not stop to think, and I believed that 
they could have ordered our arrest. I also believed 
the word of emissaries in the pay of the prince. We 
were then in France where I ran no risk. I wished 
to leave for England and implore the help and pro- 
tection of Queen Victoria who had given me so many 
evidences of her affection. 

My faithful lady-in-waiting, Comtesse Fugger, 
shared my fears and accompanied me in my hasty 
flight. 

We had scarcely reached London when we received 



198 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

all sorts of mysterious hints from pretended friends. 
We must go back at once or the count and I would 
be lost. We therefore left London without any 
attempt on my part to rejoin the Queen, whom we 
had passed on our journey, as she had just left 
England for the south of France. 

We were not of the stuff of which criminals are 
made. They are more callous. Hemmed in by our 
own too-credulous imagination, we then thought of 
taking refuge with the count's mother at the Chateau 
de Lobor. 

No one has ever understood why, and how, I 
brought myself to go to Croatia, to the house of 
Countess Keglevich. 

Her second husband, the stepfather of Count Geza 
Mattachich, was a member of the Chamber of the 
Hungarian Magnates, a Deputy and friend of the 
Vassals of Croatia. I felt convinced that nobody 
would dare to carry me off" whilst under his roof. 

Our adventure was by this time a public topic. 
The papers of every country referred to it. The duel 
was the culminating point of this terrible publicity. 
And, since calumny and its manoeuvres had not, as 
yet, had any effect, we were looked upon as romantic 
persons whose sincerity disarmed criticism and called 
forth feelings of sympathy. 

When I think that since then I have been taxed 
with duplicity, I cannot help smiling. Few cases 
can be quoted of a more open existence than mine. 
I have never concealed from mv friends what an 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 199 

exaction my life with my husband was to me, and 
when I was powerless, I never made any mystery 
of the help which I found in a chivalrous deliverer 
most providentially placed in my path. 

But the world does not forgive those who will not 
wear a mask of duplicity, and who refuse to conceal 
the feelings of their heart. 

So many people are compelled to hide their feel- 
ings. But we, but I . . . truly, where is the crime? 

I am quite prepared to die; I have no fear of the 
justice of God. 

Strong in our common loyalty we were foolishly 
persuaded that in France, England, Germany and 
elsewhere we should be in danger; we had been 
warned that my husband's intention was to put me 
in an asylum — Gunther of Holstein had told me 
this, and had spoken of having me protected by his 
all-powerful brother-in-law. . . . What an unforget- 
table comedy! We arrived in Croatia feeling sure 
that under the Keglevich roof I should be safe. 

The count confided me to his relatives for so long 
as it would take to obtain a separation from the 
Prince of Coburg. The talk died down. Public 
opinion was on my side, chiefly in Agi'am where the 
count and his family were regarded with aiFection. 
At Vienna even the inimical camarilla vv^as disarmed. 
We were now only two creatures like so many others ; 
the one bruised by her broken chains, the other willing 
to assist her. And this devotion perhaps, one day, 
would be sanctified by time. 



200 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Oh dreams! Oh hopes! We are your playthings. 
The awful reality rises up and rends us. 

We had not foreseen the plot against us and what 
odious accusations would be levelled at the count. 

Suddenly his stepfather, who was well known at 
Court and had influence in other directions, was sepa- 
rated from us. Apparently he had been told, in con- 
fidence, of the crime imputed to his stepson, and the 
accusation did its work. 

This explanation of his change of manner is the 
most indulgent I can give. 

The support of Count Keglevich thus failing us, 
the countess, torn between love of her son and her 
husband, was placed in a very delicate position, and 
our enemies had therefore a free field at Agram. 

However, there were two parties ; on our side were 
the students and the peasants, and against us were 
the police and the authorities. 

Directly the count thought that we had the support 
of the students and the covmtry people, he was afraid, 
and delivered us up. The prince's lawyer — this man 
whom I cannot name — was given full power. The 
Emperor consented to let him act as he thought best, 
and he had a pocket full of warrants. 

I ought to say, on behalf of Francis Joseph, that 
he had been assured that the count wished to kill me. 
To which the Sovereign is said to have replied: 

"I don't want a second Meyer ling. Do what is 
necessary." 

The prince and his hirelings were not lacking in 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 201 

inventive skill. Their measures were well taken and 
their plans well laid. A special train was kept in 
readiness at the station at Agram for the woman 
who was to be declared mad for reasons of State, 
and a cell in the military prison was prepared for the 
man who was to be made a criminal in the eyes of the 
world. 

All Austria knew this, as well as many other things. 

A doctor (an official whom I had never seen) , with 
my certificate of lunacy in readiness, was waiting for 
me at Agram by order of the police, together with a 
nurse from the Doebling Lunatic Asylum. 

These people and a posse of detectives lay in wait 
for a whole week. All depended on getting us to go 
into the town. They would not have dared to have 
arrested us at the Chateau of Lobor in the open coun- 
try, where our defenders would have hastened to our 
succour in the twinkling of an eye. 

The military authorities ordered the count to pro- 
ceed to Agram, and being an officer on leave he was 
forced to obey. 

We had a presentiment of some "coup." But our 
situation at the chateau had become awkward owing 
to the change of attitude of its owner, who had now 
left, taking Countess Keglevich with him. It seemed 
to us that nothing could be worse than this cruel es- 
trangement. However, the count had to obey orders, 
so I, too, resolved to go to Agram. It was impos- 
sible for me to shun any danger that threatened him. 

So we left. I went, with my devoted Countess 



202 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Fugger, to the Hotel Pruckner. The count went to 
the rooms retained for him, and I to mine. We ar- 
rived late at night. 

In the morning, towards nine o'clock, when I was 
still in bed, the door of my room was forced open. 
The prince's lawyer entered, followed by men dressed 
and gloved in black — police officers in fHiU dress. 
The doctor and the nurse from Doebling formed the 
background. 

The special train was waiting with steam up in 
the station. Some hours later, without having a 
chance to collect myself, I was suddenly snatched 
from normal society and found myself in a cell at the 
Doebling Asylum on the outskirts of Vienna. By 
means of *a grating in the door I could be constantly 
watched. The window was barred on the outside. 
I heard shouts and howls in the distance. 

They had placed me in the part of the asylum re- 
served for those who were raving mad. I saw one 
patient who had been released for an airing running 
round a little sanded court, the walls of which were 
padded with mattresses. He was jumping and 
throwing himself about, uttering piercing shrieks. 

I started back, horrified, covering my eyes and 
ears. I threw myself on my narrow bed and, sob- 
bing bitterly, I tried to hide my head under the pillow 
and the bedclothes so as neither to hear nor see. 

What might I not have become without the mem- 
ory of the Queen and without the help of God? My 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 203 

faith sustained me and gave me the courage of 
martyrs. 

Meanwhile at Agram, the count, also under arrest, 
was being told that by virtue of the Austrian Military 
Code of 1768 he was accused — ^by whom will soon 
appear — of having negotiated bills bearing the sig- 
natures of Princess Louise of Saxe-Coburg and the 
Archduchess Stephanie. 

I was to be declared mad, and he was to be pro- 
claimed a forger! 

The worst they did to me was nothing compared 
with what they brought against him. 

Ah! this justice of the Court which revolution has 
since swept away! Ah! this code of an army, a slave 
to a throne and not the guardian of the country! 
What defiance of good sense at the dawn of the 
twentieth century! 

And then we are astonished when the people rise! 

The count was put in prison on the accusation of 
the same nameless individual who had interested him- 
self as a police agent in my affairs. The Governor 
of Agram was under his orders. He believed the 
word — or appeared to do so — of this petty lawyer 
who stated that Count Geza Mattachich had forged 
my signature, and that of my sister Stephanie, on 
bills which had already been nine months in the hands 
of the bill discounters of Vienna, who had sud- 
denly (!) discovered the signatures to be forgeries. 

My signature was in my own writing. This was 
why it was not advisable to allow me to speak. 



204 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

My sister's signature was a forgery and added 
afterwards, but by whom and why? 

It would have been most inadvisable to have 
allowed me to ask this. The count knew nothing 
about these bills and the use of the funds which they 
represented. 

It would have been most inadvisable for me to 
have been on the scene. I was thoroughly well 
guarded. 

The count, according to Austrian military justice, 
found himself in the presence of an auditor^ a magis- 
trate who was accuser^ defender and judge combined. 

All this may be deemed incredible. But there was 
worse to come. On December 22, 1898, the count 
was condemned to forfeit his rank and his title of 
nobility, and to undergo six years' cellular detention 
for having "swindled" about 600,000 florins from a 
"third person." 

But on the preceding June 15, when the forged 
bills became due, the third person mentioned . . . 
had been wholly reimbursed by the Prince of Coburg, 
who was entitled to act for me from the day I arrived 
at Doebling, and the count was lost. Yes, lost and 
for ever — at least so thought his executioner. But, 
although, thanks to zealous friends, the count had 
been able to obtain a declaration signed by the bill 
discounters attesting that they had no claims and 
that no harm had been done them by Count Geza 
Mattachich, this evidence was refused and held up 
by the auditor. It was not even on the register. 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 205 

And the abominable judgment pretended to make 
the count, this gentleman amongst gentleman, a 
forger and a thief, although he was innocent and 
everyone knew his innocence. 

But I am dwelhng on infamies which it is super- 
fluous to recall. It is well known that the judgment 
was quashed four years later by the Reichsrath, 
thanks to the indignant Sociahst party.^ The count 
has been avenged from the height of the parliamen- 
tary tribunal, and the sort of justice that dishonoured 
the Austrian Ai-my has ceased to exist, and has been 
swallowed up in the ruins of a Monarchy and a Court 
which was too long a criminal one. 

^ Extract from the proceedings of the sitting of the Reichsrath, held on 
April 17, 1902. Speech by the Deputy Daszynski: 

"Gentlemen, the second judgment which has been pronounced following 
the demand for the revision of the first trial has admitted that Monsieur 
Mattachich has not forged any one of the signatures! 

"This verdict of the superiar military tribunal is of great importance 
in the whole of this affair. For, gentlemen, if the superior Military 
Court had simply rejected the appeal we might still believe that Geza 
Mattachich had forged the two signatures. But, since Mattachich has 
wronged no one, since the usurers have recovered the money together 
with a high rate of interest, totalling several hundreds of thousands 
of florins, on the very day the bills fell due, since out of all this money 
not a farthing has found its way into the pocket of Mattachich, a mat- 
ter which, in fact, has not been raised against him, we have the right to 
ask ourselves what interest Mattachich-Keglevich would have — apart 
from admitting a singular taste for perversity on his part — to corrob- 
orate by a forged signature the bills of the Prince of Coburg which 
were recognized as good? 

"And now, gentlemen, if we put the question qui prodest? We will 
reply certainly not Mattachich-Keglevich, for that would have no other 
result than that of sending him to the penitentiary of Moellersdorf — 
but good for money-lenders. It was of the greatest advantage to them 
that a forged signature should be added to a real one, for it is a fact 
well known to usurers that a forged signature is worth more than 
an authentic one, and I will tell you whj^ 

"With an authentic signature the husband who is obliged to honour 
this sort of debt can say: 'I consent to pay the principal but not the 
excessive interest.' It is thus that the Prince of Coburg has paid in 
many instances. But this time the usurers replied: 'No; thanks to 
the forgery, we are in a position to cause a scene — to threaten: we have 



206 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

in our hands a weapon directed against the Prince of Coburg and against 
the Court circles.' 

"Gentlemen, I have sufficiently proved to you that the second judgment 
put the affair on a different footing, and threw quite a new light on the 
subject. Taking advantage of this fact, Mattachich appealed to the 
Court of Sovereign Appeal, and that tribunal has decided, that after 
the examination of the procedure they had cause to confirm the second 
judgment and to reject the appeal of the condemned man. 

"At the same time, gentlemen, numerous facts have accumulated 
which clearly prove the innocence of Mattachich. Notably, a letter has 
been produced which was equally forged, and which indicated to the 
judges the line to follow. 

"This document was a letter written in German addressed to Leopold 
II, King of the Belgians, It has been superabundantly proved to be 
fictitious. It has not been written in the interests of Mattachich but 
in those of the money-lenders. And those who had committed this forgery 
were much more in the company of usurers than in that of Mattachich. 

"For the question is not one, gentlemen, of simple moneylenders. Our 
business is not with 'Directors of a house of Commission,' as they call 
them in the judgments, but with artful business men who lend money 
to various persons of the Court at a totally usurious rate of interest, 
and to whom the signatures of these persons, notably of the widowed 
Hereditary Princess Stephanie, are perfectly well known. 

"Very well! I tell you, gentlemen, if I cannot put before you all the 
elements of the proems, I rely here, not only on vague presumptions 
but on the depositions of witnesses, on absolutely incontestable affirma- 
tions which proved that Mattachich-Keglevich, who languished for four 
years in a penitentiary, is an innocent man, 

"Eight days before his arrest they consented to recognize, by notarial 
deed, that they had given him every 'opportunity to flee' ('Hear, hear!') 
on condition that he should abandon the Princess Louise. 

"Gentlemen, one does not propose to assure a man like Mattachich- 
Keglevich by notarial deed of his freedom to depart to a foreign land. 
These people simply wished to rid themselves of him, they wished to 
glut the vengeance of the husband prince, and it is on this account that 
judicial military murder has been accomplished. And, if that did not 
suffice, by order of the Count Thun, then President of the Council, Prin- 
cess Louise was banished, like an unfortunate stranger, from the territory 
of kingdoms and of countries represented in the Reichsrath, despite 
the fact that she was the wife of an Austrian general. ('Hear, hear!') 
Yes, gentlemen, we are now going to make this fact public; read to- 
morrow in the report of the sitting, my interpellation on this subject, 
and you will then find the dates and all the relative details. Yes, gentle- 
men, in the interest of certain exalted personages who possess much wealth, 
certain things take place that could never happen if we were a truly 
Constitutional State. ('Very true!') 

"And now, gentlemen, I ask you: who should be held responsible for 
having thrown these persons into prison solely in order that the wealthy 
Prince of Coburg might glut his vengeance? Were they, by chance, 
officers? No, I tell you quite frankly, the officers were guiltless. They 
would never have pronounced such a sentence if Mattachich and the wit- 
nesses had appeared before them, and if the accused had been allowed to 
question the witnesses, if the Press has been able to give a report of the 
debates, if the gifted lieutenant had had liberty of speech in a public 
audience, if he had been able to have a lawyer to represent him. Is it 
not truly malignant to throw people into prison and cause them to be con- 



THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 207 

demned by an auditor and by judges who know nothing of the aifair! 
Gentlemen, I wish to accuse no one of forgery, I wish to charge no one. 
My aim is not to denounce an institution which is the fatal source of all 
faults and mistakes. 

"And, seeing that we have here the occasion of debating on such doings 
in open Parliament, I address myself to M. the Minister of National 
Defence: Does he wish, he who is a man of honour, does he wish, not 
only as an old man with white hair, but also as a soldier whose conscience 
is pure and tranquil, to take on his shoulders the responsibility of the 
anguish and tortures inflicted on an innocent person? Will he keep 
silent, or will he speak? 

"If he is not, perhaps, in a position to make a decision to-day, he has 
no right to hesitate any longer to tlirow light on this mysterious affair." 



CHAPTER XVI 

LiNDENHOF 

Can anyone adequately realize the sufferings of a 
woman who sees herself erased from the world and 
taken to a madhouse — the conscious prisoner of an 
odious abuse of power? 

At Doebling, and afterwards at Purkesdorf, my 
tortures would have been beyond human endurance 
if I alone had been obliged to suffer. But with the 
hope of Divine justice, the knowledge that another 
was submitting to a worse punishment solely on my 
account gave me strength to endure. The loss of 
honour is as terrible as the loss of reason. I could 
not abandon myself to utter despair whilst the count 
heroically resisted his persecutors with a dignity 
which was afterwards admitted when the debates in 
the Reichsrath threw a new light on my affairs. 

But what terrible hours I have passed! What 
nights of agony! ^Vhat horrible nightmares! What 
tears, what sobs! I tried in vain to control myself. 
Fortunately my attendants pitied me. That was 
some consolation. I even felt that the doctors, em- 
barrassed by the responsibility of my case, looked at 
me kindly. With the exception of two or three miser- 
able creatures, bought over by my enemies throu^ 

208 



LINDENHOF 209 

greed or stupidity, I have hardly found any physi- 
cians who were not disgusted at the injustice meted 
out to me, and who asked nothing better than to shift 
the responsibility of keeping me in a madhouse on 
to someone else's shoulders. 

Public opinion in Austria being extremely hostile, 
my executioner and his accomplices found it advisable 
to transfer me to a quiet and charming asylum in 
Saxony. I was therefore taken to Lindenhof, near 
the little town of Koswig in the midst of the forests, 
less than an hour's journey by rail from Dresden. 

Lindenhof! The actual meaning signifies "The 
Lime Trees of the Court." Calming lime trees! 
Charming lime trees! The name recalled to me 
"Unter den Linden" (Under the Lime Trees) at 
Berlin, and the obligations which I owed to my son- 
in-law and his family, who were now reassured by 
the knowledge of my captivity in Saxony. The in- 
heritance of the King would not fall into my wasteful 
hands I 

No member of my entourage dear to me was 
allowed to remain with me. My good Countess 
Fugger was forced to leave me from morning till 
night to the care of my jailers. By way of compen- 
sation those at Lindenhof were supposed to treat me 
with all the deference due to my rank. Fear of pub- 
lic opinion is the beginning of wisdom where princes 
are concerned. 

It was impossible for anyone now to say, as in the 
case of my former experiences, that I was not treated 



210 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

as a princess and a king's daughter. I had a separate 
house, a carriage, maids, and a companion! I was 
allowed to go out when Dr. Pierson, the medical 
superintendent, thought it advisable. But my house 
was surrounded by the walls of a madhouse; the 
coachman and footman were policemen; the com- 
panion only occupied that position in order to keep 
me a prisoner and make voluminous reports about all 
that I said or did. 

My cage was certainly gilded, and it possessed 
various outlets on the country and the adjacent town. 
But, all the same, it was a tomb, and I realized that 
I was dead to all those who had once known me, 
beginning with the members of my own family. 

I have said that, ashamed of the crime to which 
they had tacitly consented, my relations allowed years 
to pass before they came to see the "invalid." It was 
only when public opinion censured their heartless 
behaviour that they decided to visit me. 

The indignation against the wickedness of the 
punishment meted out to Count Mattachich had be- 
come stronger than the power that desired to crush 
him. In mentioning him, the Press remembered my 
existence. It was then that my daughter and my 
aunt, the Comtesse de Flandre, came to see me, and 
my sister Stephanie gave some sign of life. 

I had lost my beloved mother without seeing her 
again. Her letters — although at the same time good 
and cruel — ^were my most cherished relics. But when- 
ever I read them my heart was torn, as I felt that 



LINDENHOF 211 

my mother had been convinced that I was really 
insane. 

As for the King — alas! — ^he sent me no word. 
Doubtless his mind, like that of the Queen, had been 
poisoned — was he, too, not certain of the count's 
guilt? What guile had not been employed in his 
case ! In order to play my husband's and my son-in- 
law's game it was necessary to make my father believe 
absolutely in our "crimes." 

What could I do, alone in my madhouse, deprived 
of help and liberty? 

But I guessed the plots which were hatched at 
Brussels, and what support my enemies had obtained 
in order to triumph over a poor tortured woman. I 
saw my only chance of salvation by the side of the 
unfortunate man who was enduring martyrdom in the 
penitentiary of Moellersdorf, for having endeavoured 
to save me from an earthly hell and its dishonouring 
abysses. 

Perhaps our mutual fidelity may astonish some 
people. Few really understand that, for certain 
natures, suffering constitutes a common bond. Our 
joys had been ephemeral, our sorrows had been pro- 
longed. We had been misunderstood, misjudged, 
defamed and tortured. But we had reposed our 
trust and our hope elsewhere than in men. Often 
the best have neither the time nor the possibility of 
knowing and understanding, and thus they condemn 
the innocent on the strength of appearances, which 



212 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

hatred and duplicity know so well how to exploit to 
their own advantage. 

I had been certified "insane" for four years, when 
the Court of Vienna, terrified by public outcry, was 
obliged to abandon one of its victims. The count 
was pardoned. No sooner did he regain his freedom 
than, fearless of consequences, he began to plan my 
deliverance! It was indeed a perilous enterprise, as 
the Austrian and German police, in default of a jus- 
tice which fear of the Press and Parliaments kept 
somewhat in restraint, were nevertheless at the orders 
of my enemies. 

I have said, and I again repeat, that it seems in- 
credible that we still live. 

To begin with, my chivalrous defender found him- 
self entangled in the meshes of the police net, and 
could not take a single step without being followed 
by spies of all descriptions. As for myself, I beheld 
Koswig in a state of siege. Lindenhof was sur- 
rounded by gendarmes; even the fir trees afforded 
them a screen ! 

Fortified by prayer and hope, I had now become 
if not accustomed to my chains at least able to sup- 
port their weight. Always a lover of Nature, I rev- 
elled in the sylvan solitudes where I was allowed to 
walk with my sorrow, of course under the observation 
of my suite of jailers of both sexes. 

I had only one friend — my dog! Shall I ever see 
that loyal fine face again, and those clear eyes, in 



LINDENHOF 213 

which alone in a world of corruption I have seen the 
disinterested light of welcome? 

However, I did not despair. What would hap- 
pen to innocent prisoners if they were deprived of 
the pleasures of Hope? 

Ah, I well remember that autumn day when I first 
saw the sun of liberty appear on my horizon, and with 
its advent those chances of truth, reparation and hap- 
piness which my imagination pictured all too 
quickly! 

It was delightful weather. The splendour of the 
sun illumined the Saxon countryside. It touched 
with gold the sombre forests that covered the hill near 
which I loved to walk. This sandy desert planted 
with fir trees was enlivened by a little hotel called 
"The Mill on the Crest of the Hill," and it was one 
of my favourite drives. On this particular day I 
was driving myself, accompanied by my companion 
and a groom. Suddenly a cyclist appeared coming in 
the opposite direction, and who actually grazed the 
wheels of my carriage as he passed. He looked at 
me. I knew who he was — it was the count! ... I 
had the presence of mind not to betray myself. He 
was, then, free ! I believed that I, too, should regain 
my liberty on the morrow. 

Three years were destined to pass before I escaped. 

The alarm had been raised in the enemy camp! 
It was known that the count had left Vienna. A 
search for him was at once instituted at Koswig. 

My companion, who, influenced by some kindly 



214 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

feelings or by some hope of gain, had allowed the 
count and myself to have two brief interviews in her 
presence, securely hidden in the forest, was not long 
in changing her mind and repenting her leniency. 

The count was obliged to desist from any further 
attempts to see me. The countryside swarmed with 
police. I was not allowed to leave Lindenhof. My 
saviour went some distance away in order not to pre- 
vent my taking those drives which allowed me a few 
hours' freedom and comparative happiness away from 
the horrors of the madhouse. 

There now remained only one way to free me. 
This was first to proclaim, and then to establish my 
sanity, and to appeal to public sympathy and public 
meetings in order to achieve my liberation. 

A book appeared in which the count demonstrated 
his own innocence and described the cruelty of which 
I was the victim. The entire Press re-echoed his 
indignant outcry. 

And the hoped-for help came at last from that 
generous land of France where my misfortunes were 
so keenly felt. A French journalist, a writer equally 
well known and respected (whose name I should like 
to mention with gratitude, but whose reserve and 
dislike of publicity I am forced to respect), had gone 
to Germany in order to prepare some political work. 
At Dresden he was told about my sufferings. He 
went at once to see the head of the police, who, 
greatly embarrassed, acknowledged that I was the 
victim of Court intrigue. In order to see me per- 



LINDENHOF 215 

sonally, this gentleman visited Lindenhof in the char- 
acter of a neurasthenic. But either from mistrust, or 
the impossibility of tampering with the diagnosis, he 
was not accepted as a patient. He returned to Paris, 
and through his influence Le Journal^, the powerful 
daily paper whose independence is so well known, 
took up my cause. From this moment the count 
found the support which this paper has extended to 
so many other deserving cases. 

He was still unable to return to Lindenhof. The 
French journalist, however, came there, and the first 
news which rekindled my hope came in a letter from 
my then unknown friend, which — together with one 
from the count — was thrown into my carriage by a 
little boy. 

This letter was stolen from me by my companion. 
The other missive remained in my possession, and in 
vain did my police-woman attempt to dispossess me 
of it. 

When I read it with a throbbing heart I only found 
one word, written in a language which I never heard 
in my captivity — the language of my native land. 
My eyes filled with tears, I read and re-read this 
word : 

"HOPE." 



CHAPTER XVII 

How I Regained my Liberty and at the Same 
Time was Declared Sane 

As I had not been in good health it seemed advis- 
able for me to take the waters at some cure. I really 
needed treatment, and as small thermal establish- 
ments abound in Germany it was not difficult to find 
a place suitable to my state of health, where my keep- 
ers would have no fear of a cosmopolitan crowd, and 
where they could still guard me as an isolated 
prisoner. 

However, soon after the incident of the letters 
which had been thrown into my carriage, I was told 
that I was to stay at Lindenhof. The promised cure 
was abandoned. 

Fortunately the doctor who was called in consulta- 
tion sided with me, and promised to intervene on my 
behalf. In the meantime my daily walks ceased. I 
even decided not to go out at all, as I was completely 
misled by all the stories which were told me, especially 
by Dr. Pierson. 

He rigorously guarded me, although he always 
treated me with respect. He knew perfectly well that 
I was not mad, but he also knew that I was a very 

2l6 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 217 

remunerative patient; the idea of losing me was ex- 
tremely unpleasant to him. He continued to watch 
me, but he also tried t© humour me, and he easily- 
persuaded himself that Lindenhof was a really en- 
chanting place. 

Had it not been for his position of Doctor in 
Lunacy and my jailer, his visits would not have been 
disagreeable to me, as they were not lacking in cour- 
tesy. 

Dr. Pierson adopted an air of kindness and devo- 
tion. He told me, in tones of real alarm, about cer- 
tain information which he declared came from a reli- 
able source, and which he advised me to take into 
consideration if I did not wish to grieve him. He 
said he had heard that bandits had resolved to attack 
me suddenly in the forest and rob me of the jewels 
which I usually wore. Dr. Pierson did not deny that 
the count might have written to me. But he said that 
the letter which had been seized by my "lady-in- 
waiting" was not what I imagined it to be. It was 
spurious and very mysterious. It could not be shown 
me because it belonged first of all to the Law. I 
should be well advised to give up the letter I had 
kept. It evidently emanated from the gang who had 
planned to rob and assassinate me. 

Frightened into listening to him and being utterly 
depressed by my existence I allowed myself to be 
convinced. I did not want to go out. For several 
days I lived in anguish, oppression and uncertainty. 
I could not sleep. When I reflected, I did not know 



218 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

what to think and what to believe. Suffering upon 
suffering overwhehned me. Nobody can conceive 
the will-power necessary to preserve a certain amount 
of lucidity when one lives for years among lunatics. 
The haunting terror is such that if you have not the 
strength to detach yourself from your surroundings 
you must inevitably succumb. 

But God permitted me to escape in spirit and to 
rejoin my hoped-for rescuer. I ended by pulling 
myself together and I again asked to go out. They 
dared not refuse. 

However, I was still somewhat impressed by what 
I had heard, and I dared not go as far into the forest 
as formerly. And if saw one or more cyclists I was 
afraid, although I said nothing. 

Had they come to attack me? I wondered. Had 
they, perhaps, come to rescue me? 

What a power is imagination! The cyclists were 
only harmless people quietly going about their busi- 
ness. 

My doctor-professor had not forgotten his prom- 
ise. His intervention obtained the desired effect, 
and it was decreed that I should go to Bad-Elster in 
Bavaria. This place is in the mountains about a quar- 
ter of an hour's drive from the German frontier. If 
I escaped Charybdis I should encounter Scylla! 

The country is wild and the spa deserves to attract 
a cosmopolitan clientele. But its fame, which is 
purely German, reassured my jailers. No one would 
look for me in this modest Bavarian Wiesbaden. 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 219 

And if, per adventure, my defender should arrive, he 
would find all the avenues to escape well guarded. 

In fact, the hotel at which I arrived with my suite 
of police officials, male and female, was immediately 
surrounded, according to the rules of the profession, 
by a cordon of sentries and inspectors. 

If any unknown or suspicious person approached 
he was followed, observed, and promptly identified. 

The count took care not to show himself, although, 
through information which he had procured at Kos- 
wig, he was not slow to learn that I had left for Bad- 
Elster. 

The police notified nothing out of the way to my 
keepers. Personally I was, as usual, neither impa- 
tient nor excited. My "lady-in-waiting" could not 
deny my affability. But within myself I felt that 
dehverance was at hand. 

This intuition was promptly confirmed. 

One day, when I was playing tennis, I noticed a 
fat man whose gait, hat and clothes pronounced him 
to be an Austrian. His eyes met mine in a very curious 
manner, but he saluted me respectfully. I could 
have sworn that his look heralded the coming of the 
count. 

I was not deceived. 

A little later, when I was coming out of the dining- 
room of the hotel, preceded by the doctor attached to 
my person, and followed by my "lady-in-waiting," 
a fair man brushed past me and whispered: "Listen! 
Someone is working for you." 



220 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

I was obliged to lean against the door; I was sud- 
denly incapable of movement. Fortunately I recov- 
ered myself. My two watch-dogs noticed nothing. 

The following day I came down to dinner escorted 
by the doctor and my companion. The waiter who 
usually attended on us was a little late and was fin- 
ishing laying the table. Ordinarily he hardly dared 
look at me, but I now saw that his eyes were speaking 
to me. At the same time he passed and re-passed his 
hand over the tablecloth. He first made a fold, and 
afterwards he arranged and re-arranged the linen. 
I seated myself and, at the same moment, I carelessly 
touched the spot the waiter had seemed to indicate. I 
heard a crackling of paper underneath the cloth. . . . 

My two keepers were discussing Wagner; they 
talked on ordinary topics. They could see me ap- 
proving their banalities with a gracious smile, and 
they redoubled their eloquence. I profited by this 
to seize and hide the letter so cleverly placed within 
my reach between the tablecloth and the table. 

I read the letter — I devoured its contents — as soon 
as I was alone in my room. It was from whom I 
guessed! It announced my approaching liberty. It 
gave me explanations of what had been done and 
what still had to be done in order to effect my escape 
from my long torture. I was to answer in the same 
way. I could rely on the waiter. 

This is how a daily correspondence began between 
the count and myself. I very soon knew what meas- 
ures I should have to take, what attitude to adopt, 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 221 

what necessary preparations to make, whom to fear 
and whom to trust. 

The night watchman had been gained over on our 
side. This brave man, Hke the waiter, ran a grave 
risk. No one will ever know the extent of the devo- 
tion which the frightful persecution to which I was a 
victim has evoked and still evokes! 

At last I received the eagerly awaited note, which 
said: "It will he to-morrow." 

To-morrow ! To-morrow ! I had only another day 
to wait, and then I should be free. . . , This was in 
August, 1904. For seven years I had been in cap- 
tivity; I had lived among lunatics, and I had been 
treated as a lunatic. 

One thought alone froze my blood: the count 
would, no doubt, make his appearance. And I re- 
membered that quite recently my "lady-in-waiting" 
had shown me a revolver, and coldly warned me that 
she had orders — from whom? — ^to shoot any would-be 
rescuer. 

Never were my prayers more ardent. Then, re- 
covering my serenity and my confidence, I made all 
my preparations. 

I needed a few hours in which to arrange my pa- 
pers, destroy letters, and to sort what I intended to 
take with me. How was I to do all this without 
arousing suspicion? 

I decided to say that instead of going out in the 
afternoon I would wash my hair. This proceeding, 
which I often did myself, afforded me the oppor- 



222 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

tunity of being alone, without the "lady-in-waiting," 
that indefatigable spy, being alarmed. The chamber- 
maid arranged everything that was necessary, and 
I made a great show of splashing with the water. 
But I took good care to keep my hair dry for fear 
of contracting rheumatism or neuralgia, which would 
have considerably diminished the good condition of 
health in which it was so necessary for me to be. I 
rolled a towel round my head, and I took the neces- 
sary measures without being disturbed. When eve- 
ning came, rested and refreshed by the opportune 
"washing," I went to the theatre with my usual escort. 

Of all the plays I have ever seen, none has left me 
with so slight remembrance as that with which the 
little theatre of Bad-Elster regaled its honest audi- 
ence that evening. I was lost in thought concerning 
what was to follow, and I said to myself : 

"Come what may, if life is a game let us play it to 
the end." When the performance was over, I re- 
turned to my hotel, without letting my secret agita- 
tion be noticed. The doctor and the other follower 
were amiably dismissed on the threshold of my room, 
and my last words added to their tranquillity: 

"We arranged to go to tennis a little earlier to- 
morrow morning," I said, "but I feel that I shall 
have a good night — so let us put off our party until 
an hour later." 

How could they doubt but that I was wisely going 
to try and have a long sleep? Moreover, every eve- 
ning my clothes and my shoes were taken from me, 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 223 

and although I was not locked in my room (they had 
intended this at first, as on my arrival all the locks 
had been renewed), the night watchman had orders 
not to lose sight of my room, and a cordon of sentries 
surrounded the hotel. 

But, as I have said, the watchman had been won 
over to my cause, and as to the sentries, I should soon 
see what was going to happen. I was much more 
afraid of my "lady-in-waiting," who slept in the room 
next mine. She had a keen sense of hearing, and 
she was always on the alert. 

I had in my room my favourite dog, the good and 
faithful Kiki. What was I to do with him? How 
would he take my flight? He barked at a fly! The 
hour had indeed arrivedj, but I saw many harassing 
obstacles in the way. 

I ruminated on all this while the chambermaid fin- 
ished her duties. At last I was alone. . . . 

I promptly dressed myself in a costume and put 
on a pair of boots which I had succeeded in concealing 
in anticipation of my flight. My packing was soon 
completed. All lights were extinguished, and, hardly 
daring to breathe, I awaited the signal. 

But what signal? I knew nothing. I must 
listen. . . . 

By degrees complete silence reigned in this tran- 
quil corner of Bavaria after the theatre, as is usual in 
Germany, closed at 10 o'clock. Those who partook of 
late suppers were few. The calm night enveloped 
Bad-Elster — a beautiful night with a full moon — one 



224 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

more danger. But I had no choice, and my vigil was 
soon about to end. 

The twelve strokes of midnight sounded, then the 
half -hour, then one o'clock struck, and almost imme- 
diately I heard a scratching at my door hke that of 
a mouse. Kiki raised himself . . . but with a sign 
I quieted him, and he understood. 

I opened the door softly. The shadow of the 
watchman could be dimly seen in the corridor. 

"Here I am," I said, in a low whisper. 

"Silence! . . . Hold yourself in readiness. I will 
return when it is time." 

He went away. 

I remained for two hours absolutely glued to my 
door, my valise beside me. At last I saw a gliromer 
of light. It was the watchman. I turned to my dog, 
who was watching me uneasily. He pricked up his 
ears, and, sitting on the corner of a cushion in a chair, 
he understood that I was going away without him. 

I caressed him, saying as I did so: "Kiki, don't 
make a noise. If you do, I am lost!" 

He did not move, he did not bark, he did not even 
whine. 

I was now beside the watchman at the threshold 
of the door. 

"You must take off your boots," he whispered. 
"You will be heard." 

He stooped down and removed my boots; then, 
taking charge of my small baggage, he conducted me 
forth, leaning on his arm. 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 225 

With one last look I said good-bye to the familiar 
things which I had left in my room, and I again en- 
joined my good httle dog to silence. I went along the 
corridor into which the rooms of my "lady-in-waiting" 
and the doctor opened. Thank God, the doors re- 
mained closed! Another corridor took us to a stair- 
case by which we gained the ground floor. There, in 
almost total obscurity, I perceived a shadow, with 
one finger on its lips. It was the count. . . . 

The night watchman would not allow us to delay; 
he gave me back my boots and guided us, sheltered 
from the light of the moon by the hotel building, as 
far as a small conservatory, and then to a terrace 
which adjoined the road. 

There two sentries had met and were talking 
peacefully in the moonlight, which, unfortunately for 
us, now illuminated the road to safety. 

We waited anxiously. Luckily they soon sepa- 
rated, and walked away in opposite directions. . . . 
The count, taking his chance, made me cross the road 
in a few light bounds. He held my valise; the night 
watchman remained hidden on the terrace. We were 
now under the trees on the other side of the road. 
The sentries had seen and heard nothing! We had 
still to reach the carriage, which was waiting a little 
distance away. This was a landau with two horses, 
a local equipage, which would pass unnoticed. Any 
other, unknown to the district, would have been sig- 
nalled and reported. 

But a catastrophe occurred. The carriage was 



226 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

not where it should have been. We had a moment of 
despair. What a night! What suspense! All this 
agony of mind occurred under the trees pierced by 
the moon-rays, which seemed peopled with fearful 
phantoms. At last some of our friends who knew 
of my escape joined us and conducted us to the car- 
riage. It started, but the tired horses went slowly. 
Suddenly, in the middle of the wood the vehicle came 
to a standstill; the driver confessed that he had lost 
his way. 

We had reached a place known as "The Three 
Stones," the boundaries of three kingdoms, where 
Bavaria, Saxony and Austria join. 

The driver turned his back on the right direction 
and returned towards Bad-Elster, where we hoped 
to get to the little station and catch a train for Berhn. 

We had the good luck to be rescued from our 
anxiety by two of our partisans, who, worried by our 
non-arrival, came upon us unexpectedly and oppor- 
tunely. 

We arrived at the Hof without further incident, 
and a few hours later we were in the capital of Prus- 
sia, When the news of my escape reached my son- 
in-law and his Imperial brother-in-law they did not 
believe it. The fuss was tremendous. But matters 
had been well arranged at Bad-Elster. The brave 
people there took my part so thoroughly that the 
German and Austrian police had actually to go to 
the expense of making inquiries. I had vanished into 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 227 

thin air like a spirit, and they could not find a trace 
of the count. 

In Berlin the secret agents of the Socialist deputy, 
Dr. Sudekum, who generously defended my cause, 
awaited us and sheltered us until a lull in the tempest 
enabled us to gain a hospitable soil. 

Everything considered, we resolved to go by auto- 
mobile to the station where the Orient Express 
stopped, and then to depart for France across Bel- 
gium by this train de luwe. 

Let us pass over an alarm at the hotel at Magde- 
burg, where I should have been recognized and de- 
nounced had I not called Dr. Sudekum my husband ! 
We seemed very devoted, and it was quite evident 
that a celebrated Socialist could not have a king's 
daughter for his wife. 

At last I was able to get into a sleeping compart- 
ment, and luckily I had it to myself. The train 
rushed across Germany. The count watched over me 
and remained outside in the corridor as much as pos- 
sible. The hours rolled by. At last I heard cries of 
"Herbesthal"! 

I was just entering Belgium. I was about to see 
my country once more. Without, however, daring to 
stop there ! Alas ! The King was on the side of the 
Prince of Coburg. I hardly dared approach the 
window. I trembled. The Belgian Customs officials 
passed through the carriages. There was a knock 
at the door of my compartment, and the Customs offi- 



228 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

cials appeared behind the conductor. But I had been 
vouched for, and they retired unsuspiciously. 

Oh, the irony of the banal question: "Have you 
anything to declare?" 

On the contrary, what had I not to declare ? I was 
the eldest daughter of the great King of these good 
people who did not recognize me. I wanted to cry 
out, so as to be heard as far as the Chateau of 
Laeken, and denounce the injustice of Fate, which 
made me a victim and an exile. 

I was thinking thus when an old superintendent 
of the Belgian railways passed. He did not glance 
carelessly at me as the Customs officials had done; 
he scrutinized me gravely, and I saw that he knew 
at once who I was. 

The count was watching in the corridor, and he 
was also certain that I had been recognized. He 
followed the superintendent. The man looked at 
him, read the anxiety in his face, and identifying him, 
doubtless by the photographs in the newspapers, 
stopped and said kindly: 

"It is our Princess, is it not? . . . Do not be afraid. 
Nobody here will betray her." 

I never knew the name of this good and faithful 
compatriot. If he is still alive I hope he will learn 
through these lines that my gratitude has often gone 
out and will always go out to him. 

I arrived at last, safe and sound in Paris. I had 
nothing more to fear. I was in a hospitable country, 
protected by just laws. 



HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 229 

It is common knowledge that shortly afterwards 
the most eminent French physicians recognized, after 
long interviews, when I was minutely interrogated 
and examined, the inanity of the pseudo-medical 
statements which had kept me in a lunatic asylum for 
seven years and caused me to be treated as a minor, 
incapable of managing my own affairs. My civil 
rights were restored to me; together with my liberty 
I had miraculously recovered my reason! 

But I found again, alas ! during the dreadful war, 
evidences of the implacable hatred from which I had 
suffered so much. 

This time my enemies thought me in their power, 
and behaved in an odiously grasping manner. It was 
not now covetousness for the millions of my inherit- 
ance from my father the King, but it was greed for 
another fortune, that of the Empress Charlotte, my 
unfortunate aunt, whose old age is sheltered by the 
Chateau of Boucottes. This fresh possibility of 
wealth aroused the same covetousness, and, as of old, 
it produced the same line of conduct. But once again 
I was providentially saved. 



CHAPTER XVIII 

The Death of the King — Intrigues and Legal 
Proceedings 

A certain book exists of which only 110 copies 
have been printed, and these have been carefully dis- 
tributed among those who were unlikely to mislay 
them. 

This book, of which I deplore the fact that a 
greater number of copies were not printed, contains 
all the evidence concerning NiederfuUbach, and the 
various judgments against my claims. Such as it is, 
and for the sake of what it contains and does not 
contain, I should be glad to see this book in the col- 
leges and schools of Law throughout the world. It 
would be both useful and suggestive. Also if it were 
under the eyes of the general public it would doubtless 
be consulted with great interest. 

What reflections would it not inspire, not only 
amongst jurists, but still more amongst deep thinkers, 
historians and writers, to see documents which throw 
new light on a century, a people and a man. 

What would not be found hidden in high-sounding 
words and enormous figures! What a prodigious 
part is played in this book by a gifted spirit sur- 
rounded by collaborators devoted to his greatness so 

230 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 231 

long as he lived, but who, enriched and satisfied, for- 
got his work and his name when once he was dead. 

"Gratitude," said Jules Sandeau, "is like those 
perfumes of the East which retain their strength 
when kept in vessels of gold, but lose it when placed 
in vessels of lead." 

There are few golden vessels amongst men. There 
are vases which seem to glow with this precious metal, 
but which are really made of the worst kind of lead. 
Appearances are mostly deceitful. 

The book which I should like to see more widely 
circulated, is a large volume bound in green card- 
board, printed at Brussels under the title, "The 
Account of the Inheritance of His Majesty Leopold 
II — Documents published by the Belgian State." 

One of the best-known French lawyers wrote to 
me concerning this work: 

"It is a great treasure, an inexhaustible mine. 
Some day lovers of Right, the young and old of every 
country, will publish essays and works inspired by 
the documents concerning the estate of King Leopold 
II. They are priceless. Here are to be found a 
glowing romance of business, of magnificent con- 
ceptions, of astonishing forms of contracts, of stat- 
utes and entails, and finally a marvellous judicial 
discussion where morality and immorality are at vari- 
ance. The whole terminates in a fantastic judgment, 
preceded and followed by stupefying transactions. 

"It was thought that this lawsuit was finished. It 
will recommence and perhaps continue for a hundred 



232 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

years, under various forms and under certain condi- 
tions which cannot be foretold. It is impossible that 
the menace by Belgian justice against natural rights 
will be accepted and remain unchallenged." 

If, as will be seen presently, it is indisputable that 
the King freely made over the Congo to Belgium, a 
possession which originally was secured by his money 
and under his direct superintendence. Reason must 
admit that such a gift could not have been accepted 
without Belgium, on her side, incurring some indebt- 
edness to the family of the Sovereign, principally to 
his children. 

That the donor may have wished to exclude his 
daughters from his real estate is not to be disputed, 
but that he could do so in justice is not presumable, 
and this action will never be admitted. To agree to 
such an iniquity would mean a conflict with that 
sacred principle which forms the basis of the continu- 
ity of the family. 

I will now quote the opinion of a lawyer. His 
brother lawyers who read these lines will know him. 
I could quote a thousand opinions. But one will 
suffice: that of a Belgian lawyer, who was powerful 
enough to obtain "in the name of the State" what 
can only be called a sacrilegious judgment. 

On the evening before the judgment which settled 
in my person the defeat of Law and Justice, one of 
my principal lawyers at Brussels was so sure of suc- 
cess that he telegraphed to one of my counsel, whose 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 233 

advice had been of great value: "Congratulations 
in anticipation." 

How could this be doubted? The public prose- 
cutor, a real lawyer, had summed up in my favour. 
He was an honest man. He saved the honour of 
Belgian justice on this eventful day. 

My leading Belgian counsel was so convinced of 
not being beaten that he was opposed to a compro- 
mise, which was then perhaps possible, and I agreed. 
For I (who had appeared so many times before the 
the courts) had a horror of legal proceedings. Here, 
as elsewhere, I have been seized and crushed in a 
fatal cogwheel. It would be easy to prove it. But 
the interest does not lie there; it lies in the extraor- 
dinary struggle which I have had to sustain, almost 
alone, in the lawsuit concerning the King's estate. 

My sister Clementine, who perhaps had not read 
Hippolyte Taine, yielded to dynastic illusions, and 
unhesitatingly sacrificed her claims. She accepted 
from the Belgian Government that which the State 
was pleased to offer her. She did not take into con- 
sideration the fact that she ought to join forces with 
her sisters. The Belgian motto is "Union is strength." 
This motto is not applicable to all Belgian families! 

My sister Stephanie at first sided with me, then 
she backed out, then she came in with me, and again 
she backed out. . . . 

I remained firm in my mistake — if it be thought a 
mistake. I knew at least what I wanted. My 
younger sister was not so sure. That is her affair. 



234 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

It cannot be counted against me that my cause, being 
that of the right, was not always hers. 

I trust that I may be believed; I only struggled 
for justice. Nobody can possibly say what I should 
have done had I won. 

As regards the Congo, it was never my intention 
to pretend that my sisters and I could possibly dis- 
pute the wishes of the King and the laws passed in 
Belgium for taking over the colony. But, between 
the conflict of certain points at issue and the accept- 
ance of a disinheritance against nature and against 
legality, a space existed which could have been, and 
should have been, bridged by an honourable settle- 
ment. 

The Belgian State had one proposition to make, 
which it timidly outlined. My leading counsel did 
not consider this sufficient. The Belgian people, left 
to themselves, would have known better how to act, 
and how to honour the memory of Leopold 11, but 
this duty was delegated to those who, to this day, have 
wilfully and lamentably failed. 

Let us consider Belgium as a human being, en- 
dowed with honour and reason, and jealous of the 
judgment of history and the esteem of the world; 
mistress of millions of Congolese and of other millions 
of colonial treasure. As a reasoning being, would 
she have considered herself free from all obligations 
towards the unfortunate children of the giver of these 
gifts? Most assuredly not. 

If she thought otherwise she would be without 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 235 

honour, without reason, a cruel cynic, justly mis- 
trusted by all right-minded people. All the decrees 
in the world would never make her otherwise. 

I have reasoned this out, and I still adhere to my 
view I was not alone in this opinion. My Belgian 
lawyers had other opinions besides mine, and believed 
them to be conclusive. 

If I have not succeeded in proving my case I have 
had, at least, the satisfaction of knowing that my law- 
yers have lost nothing. 

My case brought them luck. They eventually be- 
came Ministers, men to be envied in every way, who 
are proud of having defended me. 

But let us turn to the written words ; they are more 
eloquent than any of mine. I only wish to be sin- 
cere. Here, as elsewhere, I say exactly what I think. 
I do not gloss over or twist things round. I only 
restrain myself from being too vehement. You see 
me as I am. 

I express myself as if I were standing in the pres- 
ence of the King. I wish to reach my father's spirit, 
commune with his soul, and convince him in the in- 
visible world that my claims were just. 

At the conmiencement of these pages I have placed 
his name, which has remained dear to my respect as 
a daughter. I was never able, and I never dared 
discuss matters with this father who was so deceived 
and misinformed about me. 

***** 



236 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

On December 18, 1909, the Moniteur published 
the following statement: 

"The Belgian nation has lost its King! 

"The son of an illustrious sovereign, whose memory will remain 
for ever as a venerated symbol of constitutional monarchy, 
Leopold II, after a reign of forty-five years^ has died in harness, 
having, up to his last hour, devoted the best of his life and 
strength to the aggrandizement and prosperity of the country. 

"On December 17, 1865, before the reunited Chambers, the 
King pronounced these memorable words, which since then have 
often been recalled: 

" 'If I do not promise Belgium either a great reign like that 
of the King who founded her independence, or to be a noble 
King like him whom we now lam^r.t, I promise at least that I 
will prove myself a King whose whole life will be devoted to 
the service of Belgium.' 

"We know with what powerful energy he has kept and even 
exceeded this solemn promise. 

"The creation of the African State which to-day forms the 
Belgian Colony of the Congo was the personal work of the 
King, and constitutes a unique achievement in the annals of 
history. 

"Posterity will say that his was a great reign, and that he 
was a great King. 

"The country now mourning his loss must worthily honour 
one who has died leaving such a splendid record behind him. 

"The country places all its hopes in the loyal co-operation, 
already so happily manifested, of the Prince who has been called 
to preside over the destiny of Belgium. 

"He will be inspired by the illustrious examples of those who 
became, by the help of Providence, the benefactors of the 
Belgian people. 

"The Council of Ministers: 

F. ScHOLLAERT, Minister of the Interior and of Agri- 
culture. 
Leon de Lantsheere, Minister of Justice. 
J. Davignon, Minister of Foreig?i Affairs. 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 237 

J. LiEBAERT, Minister of Finance. 
Bon DescampSj Minister of Science and Art. 
Arm. Hubert, Minister of Industry and Labour. 
M. Delbeke, Minister of Public Works. 
G. Hellepute, Minister of Railways, Posts and Tele- 
graphs. 
J. Hellepute, Minister of War. 
J. Renkin, Colonial Minister." 

Of the signatories of this moving proclamation 
some are dead, others are still living. 

To those who are no more, and to those who are 
still alive, I say: 

"You have written and attested that the creation of 
the African State was the personal work of the King. 
In his person^, then, you have recognized the marij 
the head of the family — and therefore the family 
itself; otherwise the word personal is without mean- 
ing. . . . And, as a matter of fact, it has suddenly 
lost its meaning. The King, now an entity without 
terrestrial chains, has enriched Belgium to the ex- 
clusion of his children, who are declared non-existent. 

"And how, with or without you, has he been 
honoured? 

"In continuing the endowment of Niederfullbach 
and other creations of this gifted benefactor? 

"Ah! In no way whatever! 

"You have liquidated, realized, destroyed and 
abandoned all that he conceived and ordered. I do 
not wish to describe in detail all that has passed, and 
I have no desire to touch on the sadness connected 
with the secrets of Niederfullbach and other works 



238 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

of the King, from the day when they ceased to be 
under his direction. I will take my stand on the 
ground of the sin against morality which most con- 
cerns me. 

"Eleven years have passed since the death of the 
'Great King.' Where is the monument erected to 
his memory? 

"The people of Ostend, who owe to him the pros- 
perity and beauty of their town, have not even dared 
to show an example of their gratitude. They are 
afraid of vexing the ungrateful people of Brussels, 
who prefer silence." 

His wishes with respect to the Congo and his heirs 
are in three documents, which I append below: 

First: 

( 1 ) An explanatory letter of the King, dated June 
3, 1906, in testamentary form. 

(Attached to exhibit No. 36 in the collection pub- 
lished by the Belgian Government.) 

"I undertook, more than twenty years ago, the work of the 
Congo in the interests of civilization and for the benefit of 
Belgium. It was in the realization of this double aim that I 
annexed the Congo to my country in 1889. 

"Cognizant with all the ideas which governed the foundation 
of the independent State, and which inspired the Act of Berlin, 
I am anxious to specify, in the interests of the nation, the 
wishes expressed in my will. 

"The title of Belgium to the possession of the Congo is 
due to my double initiative, namely the rights which I acquired 
in Africa, and the uses which I have made of these rights in 
favour of my country. 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 239 

"This situation imposed on me the obligation of ensuring, 
in accordance with my initial and dominant idea, that my 
legacy should prove useful in the future to civilization and to 
Belgium. 

"In consequence thereof I wish to make the following points 
clear — points which are in perfect harmony with my immutable 
wish to assure to my beloved country the fruits of the work 
which I have pursued for long years in the continent of Africa, 
with the general consent of most of my subjects: 

"Upon taking possession of the sovereignty of the Congo, 
with all the benefits, rights and advantages attached thereto, 
my legatee will assume, as is only just and necessary, the obliga- 
tion of respecting all the engagements of the State assigned to 
third parties, and likewise to respect all acts which I have 
established touching the privileges of the natives for donations 
for land, for the endowment of philanthropic or religious works, 
for the foundation of the domain of the Crown, for the establish- 
ment of the natural domain, as well as the obligation not to lessen 
by any measure the rights of the revenues of these various in- 
stitutions without giving at the same time an equivalent compen- 
sation. I consider the observation of these rules as essential to 
assure to the sovereignty of the Congo the resources and the 
power indispensable for the accomplishment of the task. 

"In voluntary surrendering the Congo and the benefits derived 
therefrom in favour of Belgium, I must, without adding to the 
national obligation, strive to ensure to Belgium the perpetuity 
of the benefits which I bequeath her. 

"I wish to state definitely that the legacy of the Congo to 
Belgium should always be maintained by her in its integrity. 
In consequence, the territory bequeathed will be inalienable 
under the same conditions as Belgian territory. 

"I do not hesitate to specify this inalienability, for I know 
how great is the value of the Congo, and I have, in conse- 
quence, the conviction that this possession will never cost the 
Belgian nation any lasting sacrifice. 

"(Signed) Leopold. 

"Brussels, June 3, 1906." 



240 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Having read this, no really right-minded person 
can deny that the King speaks of the Congo as pri- 
vate property which he surrenders voluntarily to 
Belgium, which he was quite at liberty to do, and 
which Belgium was equally at liberty to accept as a 
Royal gift. 

But there is no right without duty. 

I ask whether it was right of the Belgian Govern- 
ment to ruin me, an exile and a prisoner, calumniated 
and mistrusted; to deny me my Belgian nationality, 
and to sequestrate the little money left me in Bel- 
gium? 

This, I have said before, was, I believe, the fatal 
result of a general measure, misinterpreted perhaps 
by an inexpert official. 

But let it go! ! 

I only ask whether the Belgian Government can 
assert to-day that it has fulfilled the conditions im- 
posed on it by its benefactor, and especially "the 
obligation to respect the integrity of the revenues of 
the various institutions" established by the King in 
favour of the Congo. 

I await an answer. I now come to the question of 
the Will. 

Will of the King. (Document No. 42.) 

"This is my will. 

"I inherited from my parents fifteen millions. These fifteen 
millions I have scrupulously kept intact, in spite of many 
vicissitudes. 

"I possess nothing else. 

"After my death these fifteen millions become the property 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 241 

of my heirs and must be made over to them by the executor 
of my will^ to be divided between them. 

"I die in the Catholic religion, to which I belong; I wish 
no post-mortem to be made; I wish to be buried without pomp 
in the early morning. 

"Except my nephew Albert and the members of my house- 
hold, no person is to follow my remains. 

"May God protect Belgium, and may He in His goodness 
be merciful to me. 

"(Sgd.) Leopold. 

"Brussels, November 20, 1907.** 

A great deal has been written about this Will. 
The statement "I possess nothing" except the de- 
clared fifteen millions caused the ink to flow. 

The statement itself was proved untrue on the 
death of the King, since in the abundance of wealth 
of all sorts which was found, the Belgian Government 
was obliged to specify as "litigious" certain shares 
and moneys which it could not take over, and which 
it left to my sisters and to myself. These shares and 
moneys have nearly doubled the fortune bequeathed 
us by our father. 

Let no one say: "The fortune was considerable." 
As a statement it is true. But it must not be forgot- 
ten that everything is comparative, and that if I 
explain a point of succession which is unique in his- 
tory it is not because I am avaricious. It is because 
I must insist, as a question of principle, to defend 
what I consider right, and to enlighten the public on 
a hitherto entangled and obscure discussion. 

The second Will, reproduced below, merely states 
precisely the intention of the first: 



242 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

The Other Will of the King. (Document No. 49.) 

"I have inherited from my mother and my father fifteen 
millions. 

"I leave those to be divided amongst my children. 

"Owing to my position and the confidence of various people, 
large sums have at certain times passed through my hands with- 
out belonging to me. 

"I do not possess more than the fifteen millions mentioned 
above. 

"(Sgd.) Leopold. 

"Laehen, October 18, 1908." 

In this document the King said no more about 
having "scrupulously" saved the fifteen millions. A 
great deal has been written about this, because else- 
where the King often declared in his most formal 
manner that not only had he used his own fortune, 
but also that of my aunt, the Empress Charlotte, in 
the Congo enterprise. 

He might have lost all. If this had been the case, 
would Belgium have indemnified his children at his 
death? Certainly not! Fortunately Belgium has 
been the gainer. 

Is it logical that the King's children should be 
objects of indifference to him? 

To finish with the question of the fifteen millions, 
one fact remains which I cannot pass over, and which 
will suffice to invalidate the characteristic declaration 
of the King, if the discovery had not already been 
made at his death. 

About this well-known fact everyone will guess 
beforehand what I could say. , . . 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 243 

It is not wise to enlarge on this subject. Age is 
excusable in its errors, and the disposal of sixty mil- 
lions will find many willing helpers. 

But, truly, whom does one deceive, and by whom 
is one deceived? Virtuous airs are strangely a mat- 
ter of circumstance with certain people who lend 
themselves to an astonishing favouritism, to the detri- 
ment of the natural heirs of the King. 

However, let us forget this. Let us only remem- 
ber the material point, which was that the King 
wished to disinherit his daughters. 

Was it right and moral of Belgium to associate her- 
self with this inhuman error and this illegality? 

Ought she not to have assumed another line of 
conduct on behalf of myself and my sisters ? 

I ask it of the King as if he were alive and in the 
entire possession of his faculties; I ask this of the 
King who is now enhghtened by death. 

I ask it of my brave compatriots. 

I ask it of the jurists of the entire world. 

I ask it of history. 

Let us put aside the millions of future generations 
and the hundreds of millions of the past. 

I have renounced expectations and the promises of 
fairy tales more easily than most people. I would 
have liked to have made many people happy, to have 
helped beautiful works, to have created useful insti- 
tutions. God knows all my dreams. He has decided 
that they should not be fulfilled, and I am resigned. 

I have only wished to defend a principle and to 



244 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

obtain for myself a minimum of the possibilities of 
a free and honourable existence in accordance with 
my rank. 

Was my action then unjustifiable? 

What do certain documents — which it is easy to 
consult — establish, but which I cannot reproduce here 
without giving to these pages a different character 
from that I wish to give? 

These documents prove that the personal fortune 
of the King had attained a minimum of twenty mil- 
lions at the time of his last illness. 

On the decease of the Sovereign this fortune, or 
the greater portion of it, had disappeared. My sisters 
and I had a round figure of twelve millions. 

But what of the rest? 

It has been said to us, and to me especially: 

"What? You are complaining? By the terms of 
your father's will you should only have five millions. 
You have twelve millions, and you are not satisfied. 
You argue, you accuse, you incriminate! You are 
always at war with someone." 

I am not at war with any particular person in this 
affair. I have simply upheld the right, and I believe 
it to be my duty. 

The Government, the judge and the party oppo- 
nents have told me, in fine-sounding sentences, that 
I was wrong. 

Would they agree to submit their judgments to the 
final verdict of a tribunal composed of jurists from 
countries friendly to Belgium? 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 245 

I renounce in advance the benefit of their decision 
if it should be in my favour. 

Would they agree to accept an inquiry into the 
subject of the real and personal fortune of the King 
at the time of his death and what has become of it ? 

I know beforehand. These indiscreet questions 
will only meet with profound silence. 

What consoles me in my misfortunes is the knowl- 
edge that the men in the confidence of the King have 
become wonderfully enriched. If my father could 
only leave fifteen millions I am confident that they, 
at any rate, will be able to leave much more. I am 
very pleased to think that this is so, as I find it only 
natural that merit, valour, conscientiousness and 
fidelity should be recompensed on earth. 

I only regret one thing, which is common to human 
nature. Money, alas! does not tend to improve it. 
Instead it seems to harden the hearts of those who 
possess it. 

How can the King's faithful servants and those of 
my family be at ease in palaces, where everything 
breathes comfort and luxury, when I am reduced to 
living as I am now obliged to live, practically from 
hand to mouth, uncertain to-day where to look to- 
morrow for sustenance, although within the grasp of 
two fortunes: one already mine by right of inherit- 
ance, and the other which I have every anticipation 
of inheriting? 

People may say that instead of complaining I could 
continue to defend my rights, and it avails nothing to 



246 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

abuse the injustice of men. I do not ignore the fact 
that I have only to attack the Societe des Sites, and 
the French property which the King has given to 
Belgium, for French justice, which is worthy of the 
name of justice, to condemn a fictitious society, 
whose so-called existence is not unwelcome to a 
Parisian lawyer and the servants of my family who 
have lent their name as circumstances required. 

Law is law for everyone in France, and when the 
Societe des Sites was founded in Paris, it was done 
with the most flagrant disregard of French legality. 

I do not forget that the German law would equally 
condemn what transpired between Belgium and the 
administrators of Niederfullbach, if I were to attack 
these persons before the Justice of Germany, as I 
could easily do. The two Germans who are included 
in the list of administrators have sensed danger so 
strongly, owing to their properties and positions 
being in Germany, that, in face of possible dangerous 
retaliations, they have sheltered themselves behind 
the Belgium State by the "arrangement" which they 
have accepted, and which has robbed my sisters and 
myself of considerable sums. 

I also know that the Royal Gift of 1901 is open 
to an attack in Belgium, based on the material error 
committed over the question of the disposable share 
of the King's property. But, really, it is too painful 
for me to think about this and to go into these details. 
I only give certain of them in order to show that I 
have resisted, and I shall still resist, assuring myself 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 247 

that if I have not found justice in Belgium I shall 
find it elsewhere. 

To speak with perfect frankness, I have suffered 
cruelly, and I still suffer on account of the strife in 
which I have been involved. 

When I occasionally re-read the pleadings of the 
talented lawyers who defended or attacked me over 
the question of the King's inheritance, a sort of f aint- 
ness overcomes me. Before so many words, in the 
face of so many reasons for and against, I feel that 
all things except equity can be expected of mankind. 

It is positively stupefying for me to realize that 
three of my lawyers are Ministers, or are on the point 
of becoming Ministers, as I write these pages. I 
have only to take up their "pleadings" to hear the 
voice of their conscience proclaiming the justice of 
my cause, and accusing the State in which they are 
embodied to-day of collusion and fraud — in one word, 
of unqualified actions. 

Do they not remember what they said, wrote and 
published? I listen in vain for some words from 
them. . . . Nothing . . . never a word. I am dead, 
so far as they are concerned. 

I am unhappy. They know it, and they keep 
silence. 

Never a thought, a memory for one who confided 
in them. They are in power — and I am in misery; 
they are living in their own country — I am an exile. 
They are Men, and I am a Woman. Oh, pettiness 
of the human soul! 



248 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

I think again of all that has been said and writ- 
ten against me in the land of my birth for which I 
was sacrificed. What errors, what exaggerations, 
what passions, what ignorance concerning my real 
self! Nevertheless, taken as individuals, those who 
attack me and defame me are really good and brave 
men at heart. But they rend one's soul. Do they 
not understand what they do? 

Has Belgium no conscience? She ranks so high 
to-day in the opinion of the world, that it seems im- 
possible for her to expose herself to the diminution 
of her moral glory which will inevitably follow when 
History goes into the vexed question of the King's 
Inheritance, and its results in my own case. Can she 
rightly and peacefully enjoy that which has been 
unjustly obtained, or more or less greedily seized by 
her? History will find, as I find, certain ineffaceable 
words in the address to the Senat by M. de Lant- 
sheere, Minister of State, touching the Royal Gift 
of 1901, which all that was best in the Belgian soul 
then found inacceptable. 

I reproduce these words for the contemplation and 
consideration of all honest men. 

M. de Lantsheere spoke as follows in the Belgian 
Senat on December 3, 1901, to contest the acceptance 
by the Chambre des Representants of the King's 
Gift, and all that had privately enriched the King: 

"I intend to remain faithful to a principle which King 
Leopold I always upheld and from which he never departed, 
one which I also upheld twenty-six years ago with M. Malou, 



LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 249 

M. Beernaert, and M. Delcour, Members of the Cabinet of 
which I had the honour to be a member — which MM. Hubert 
Dolez, d'Anethan and Notcomb^ chief of those preceding me^ 
who, like others after me, have equally upheld. This principle, 
which it has been reserved for the law to abandon for the 
first time, can be summed up in few words. The common law 
is an indispensable support of the Royal Patrimony. The pres- 
ent project offends Justice. . . . Two of the Royal princesses 
are married. From these marriages children have been born. 
Therefore families have been founded. These children have 
married in their turn, and have founded new families. These 
families may very reasonably have expected that nothing 
detrimental could happen to the hereditary rights which the 
Code declares unalienable from the descendants. ... If, owing 
to some aberration of which you will give the first example . . . 
you do not respect the laws by which families are founded, 
. . . one universal vmce tuMl he heard in Belgium which wilV 
curse the dominions which have enriched the nation at the ex- 
pense of the King's children. . . . 

"Do you not think that it will look very disgraceful for 
Royalty to be exposed to the suspicion of wishing (under 
the cloak of liberality towards a country) to reserve the means, 
if not of disinheriting its descendants, at least of depriving 
them of that to which they are legally and morally entitled.'' 
I venture to believe that those persons will serve the interests 
of the State much more faithfully who insist that she must 
remain firm in her acceptance of the rights of Common Law, 
than those persons who uphold the acceptance of the disastrous 
gift of an unlimited authority. I wish to ignore the possi- 
bility of any of these ulterior motives having entered the mind 
of His Majesty; you must ignore them if they have not already 
occurred to you; but I know that man's will is variable and 
certain laws are made in order to prevent possible injustice. 

"If at the time of the King's death a point had been made 
of encroaching on the disposable funds, you would not have 
had the courage to lay the hand upon this patrimony. Why, 
then, do you forge weapons which, when the moment is ripe, 
you will blush to use.'' 



250 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

"Therefore, Sirs, the uselessness of the project again reveals 
itself, as well as its equally odious and dangerous character . . . 
it is a juridical monstrosity. ... It must never be said that in 
the Kingdom of Belgium any poor girl possesses more legal 
rights in her father's inheritance than the King's daughters 
now possess in the inheritance of their father." . . . 



CHAPTER XIX 

My Sufferings During the Wae 

I WAS at Vienna when war was declared, and until 
actual hostilities commenced I could hardly believe 
such a thing was possible. The idea that the Em- 
peror Francis Joseph, already with one foot in the 
grave, contemplated appearing as a combatant, after 
invariably suffering defeat, seemed sheer madness to 
me. It is true that a camarilla, acting under orders 
from Berlin, used the weakly old man as a tool. But 
that Berlin really wished to embark on a war which 
could not fail to cause a universal conflagration was 
incredible. It was worse than madness — it was a 
crime. 

But the desire to kill carried away those in power 
at Berlin. I had a presentiment of a mysterious 
fatality which had laid its spell on Berlin and Vienna. 

I wondered what would become of me. And each 

possible solution became more and more difficult. If, 

according to the views of my Belgian countrymen, 

I am unfortunate enough not to have regained my 

nationality in spite of the good sense and approval 

of the King my father, and once more denied the 

rights of justice and humanity, an action against 

which I protest most strongly, I was regarded from 

251 



252 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

the first day of the war as an "enemy subject" by the 
Court of Vienna, which was doubtless pleased to be 
able to hurt me in some new way. 

I was asked to leave the Dual Monarchy as soon 
as possible. The Chief of the Police came in person 
to notify me of this decision. This distinguished 
functionary was in many respects courteous, but the 
order was extremely precise and formal. 

I left for Belgium. But certain events detained 
me at Munich. The German Army barred the road, 
and my devoted country was soon to know the hor- 
rors of which the first responsibility rests with 
Prussia. 

Until August 25, 1916, I was able to live in the 
capital of Bavaria, as a Belgian princess, without 
having to experience many of the inconveniences to 
which my position exposed me. The Bavarian Gov- 
ernment was certainly indulgent. I was even allowed 
to retain a French maid who had been long in my 
service. The count — that devoted knight, whose 
proximity in my sad life had brought me consolation 
and unfailing support — was also allowed to be a 
member of my entourage. 

But the German victories convinced my pitiless 
enemies that I should soon be at their mercy. They 
at once arranged their new plan of campaign! 

I am proud to write this — proud to admit that the 
sufferings of Belgium were my own. She was op- 
pressed. I was also the victim of oppression. She 
had lost all. I had also lost everything. 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 253 

From day to day my resources became straitened, 
and the atmosphere, at first compassionate, became 
hostile. I tried to efface myself as much as possible, 
and to submit myself patiently to the exigencies of 
my delicate situation. It was well known with whom 
my heart was in sympathy! Worries and harshness 
soon assailed me. 

My son-in-law, Duke Gunther of Schleswig- 
Holstein, did not ignore — and with good reason — the 
difficulties I had to overcome. He lost no time in let- 
ting it be known that he considered I ought to agree 
to be placed under his guardianship, and forced to 
receive my last morsel of bread at his hands. 

I do not wish to enlarge on the actions of this 
gentleman. If I were to publish the documents and 
the legal papers which I have kept, I should only add 
to the remorse and confusion which I should like to 
think have overcome my unhappy daughter. But, in 
duty to myself, I must relate a little of what trans- 
pired. Nothing else will suffice to show the drama 
which has enveloped me since the day when I repre- 
sented the possible loss of a fortune to my family. 

Duke Gunther of Schleswig-Holstein, from the 
very moment when Germany thought herself mistress 
of Belgium, occupied himself in ascertaining what 
might accrue to me from the inheritance of my 
father. Rather more than four and a half millions 
had been deposited in the bank, assigned for the bene- 
fit of my creditors, by arbitration of the tribunal which 
had been formed on the eve of hostilities. 



254 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

This sum of money was the object of the touching 
soMcitude of my son-in-law. I leave it to others to 
relate his efforts to obtain possession of it and divert 
it into a diiFerent channel from the one for which it 
was intended. 

Nevertheless, these four and a half millions were 
only a drop in the ocean compared with the promise 
of the past. My dear country can therefore rejoice, 
and I rejoice with her, that, by the victory of the En- 
tente, she has escaped a revision of the lawsuit touch- 
ing the Royal inheritance, one which would have been 
in direct opposition to the Divine and human right, 
at least as soon as the decree had been issued. 

What crime would not then have been committed 
in my name in favour of the final triumph of German 
arms if, threatened with the pangs of starvation, I had 
signed certain renunciations which were extorted 
from me at Munich, and had thereby lost my person- 
ality and abandoned my rights to my children in con- 
sideration of a miserable pittance? 

They now saw themselves likely to be compensated 
in some measure for all that had previously prevented 
them from acquiring the King's inheritance. They 
had also the certainty of possessing the thirty mil- 
lions which represent my share of the fortune of Her 
Majesty the Empress Charlotte, when my unfortu- 
nate aunt succumbs beneath the burden of her ad- 
vanced age. 

My children — from the hour when they became 
aware of the frightful state of destitution to which I 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 255 

was reduced during the war — ^have only pursued one 
end: without troubling to see me or to approach me 
directly^ they have endeavoured by the mediation of 
paid agents to force me to sign a renunciation of my 
expectations. 

In direct defiance of the law I was ordered to 
sign my name to a document by which I relinquished 
my future inheritance from the Empress to my chil- 
dren. At last, worn out with sufferings, I was on the 
point of consenting for a consideration of an annual 
payment of a sum of sir thousand marks, in exchange 
for which I was to be reduced to isolation and slavery, 
and to be further plundered of all that might belong 
to me. 

I will say nothing here to the Duke of Holstein, 
this soldier financier; but to my daughter Dora, the 
fruit of my body, whom I have fed at my breast, and 
whom I have brought up, I say this : 

"You may possess all the outward appearances of 
respectability. You may enjoy the benefits of a for- 
tune of which I know the source, you may experience 
neither shame nor remorse, you may even dare to 
pray. But God can never be deceived. No wicked- 
ness, no guilty complicity, no action contrary to Na- 
ture will escape His justice. Sooner or later He will 
judge all men according to their works." 

Before I conclude my account of the machinations 
of these human vultures who attempted to assail my 
liberty and my rights, when once I had been unfor- 
tunate enough to ask help from my children, I must 



256 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

not forget to mention that later, when I regained the 
captaincy of my soul, I appealed to Justice at Munich. 
The courts there declared the renunciations extracted 
from me in my misery and frenzy when I was starv- 
ing and homeless to be invalid. 

During the war I have often actually not known 
where I should sleep, or of what my next meal would 
consist. 

I write this frankly, without a particle of false 
shame — firm in the approval of my own conscience. 

I have never willingly injured anyone. I have suf- 
fered in silence. I am speaking to-day in my own de- 
fence, bringing as evidence a family drama which 
touches contemporary history. I speak with candour, 
but I am not actuated by feelings of hatred. Wicked- 
ness has diminished. But my personal sufferings 
have in nowise lessened. I was born a king's daugh- 
ter, I shall die a king's daughter. I have certainly 
pleaded for assistance, but more on behalf of my at- 
tendants than for myself. I could not bear to see 
these devoted creatures, my comfor? and support in 
my misery, weep and grow pale during these dark 
days. 

The count had been obhged to leave Munich. On 
the morning of August 25, 1916, his room was sud- 
denly invaded by the police. He was put in prison, 
then taken to Hungary, and afterwards interned 
near Budapest. He was by birth a Croatian and 
therefore regarded as a subject of the Entente, even 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 257 

before the defeat which united Croatia and Servia. 
Human justice is really only a word! 

On the same day Olga, my principal attendant, 
an Austrian who had always shown me an invaluable 
and long-standing devotion, was also arrested. She 
was afterwards released. But I understood the sig- 
nificance of this — the order had come from the highest 
authority to alienate everyone who cared for me. 
I will describe what followed. 

My French maid, whose care of me was so disinter- 
ested, was interned. If my faithful Olga had not 
come out of prison, and if I had not had the means to 
keep her, I should have been completely isolated. 

But, shortly after this, I really did not know how 
to supply my daily needs. My last jewels had been 
sold. I was now as poor as the poor souls who im- 
plored my charity. 

What should I decide to do, what should I at- 
tempt? If I appealed to my daughter I knew that I 
should be up against the Duke of Holstein. He was 
absolutely pitiless. All this happened in July, 1917. 

Providence now threw in my way an honourable 
man, a Swiss professor, who was terribly distressed at 
my fate. 

He generously offered to help me to reach Silesia, 
where my daughter was in residence at one of her 
castles. This castle is not far from Breslau. I there- 
fore left Munich, with Olga, in the hope of seeing 
my child and obtaining from her some temporary 
shelter. 



258 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

But when I reached my journey's end I tried in 
vain to be received, listened to, and assisted by Dora. 

I was therefore stranded in a little village in the 
Silesian mountains, where my last few marks soon 
disappeared. 

The count had tried to send me the wherewithal to 
exist. Without any warning, the German postal au- 
thorities retained the money and returned his letters. 

The little inn where I had taken refuge was kept by 
kindly folk who were, however^ unable to let me 
stop unless I could pay. I saw myself faced with 
the most extreme misery. The innkeeper seemed 
frightened of me. He told me that he had been 
ordered to render an account of my doings to the po- 
lice, and that I was kept well under observation, 
although I might not be aware that this was the 
case. 

He was mistaken. I and Olga had both noticed 
that our slightest movements were watched. Even in 
our walks in the open country we continually met 
some peasant or some pedestrian who appeared not 
to notice us, but who actually spied on us more or less 
unsuccessfully. 

I felt the influence of an implacable force that 
wished to immure me in some new goal, madhouse or 
prison, or which would perhaps even make me contem- 
plate self-destruction. 

In this extremity Heaven once again came to my 
rescue. 

On the very day v/hich I thought would be the last 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 259 

I should be allowed to stay at the inn, I sat down, 
miserably, on a bench in front of the house. I asked 
myself in despair what was to become of me. Sud- 
denly a carriage appeared — a rare sight in that un- 
frequented region. The coachman signalled to me, 
and I saw, sitting in the carriage, a large, important- 
looking person who seemed looking for something or 
somebody. 

He was looking for me! * 

I was soon acquainted with the fact that this gen- 
tleman had come from Budapest on behalf of the 
count, and wished to speak to me. 

At these words I felt myself lifted out of the abyss 
of despair. But my trials were not over. 

The count's confidential agent had been charged 
with the mission of helping me to leave Germany. 
In order to do this, it would be necessary to cross 
Austria into Hungary, where I could rely upon ac- 
tive sympathy being shown me. 

Things and people had already changed in the Aus- 
tro-Hungarian Monarchy! 

But, what possibilities such a journey presented! 
First, I had no official papers. The revelation of my 
name and title would alone suffice to impede my prog- 
ress; I should be instantly detained. 

But although, thanks to the count's messenger, my 
bill at the inn was settled, I had only very limited 
means at my disposal. Austria, it is true, was not 
far away. We could go there across the mountains 
by way of Bohemia, but the envoy declared that, ow- 



260 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

ing to his shortness of breath and his troublesome 
legs, he could not possibly follow me over the goat 
tracks which we should most assuredly have to pass. 
He decided that our best plan was to make for Dres- 
den, and from there to choose the easiest route. 

When evening fell our host metaphorically closed 
his eyes to my departure. He waited until the next 
day to notify my disappearance to the authorities. 

By the time he did so I was in Saxony. But here 
again it was too dangerous to go near Lindenhof in 
a kingdom where my misfortunes had been the sub- 
ject of so much publicitj^ At last we remembered 
a little village close to the frontier, on the side nearest 
Munich, where the regime was less rigorous than in 
the vicinity of Dresden, and we arrived there without 
anything untoward happening. 

The present difficulty was not so much in crossing 
Germany. It chiefly consisted in solving the ques- 
tion of the possibility of my being able to stay in some 
retired spot without my identity being discovered and 
notified, and afterwards to cross the frontier without 
a passport and gain safety at Budapest. 

This Odyssey alone would make a volume. It ter- 
minated in a Bavarian village where I breathed freely 
once more. A good woman extended the kindest hos- 
pitality towards me and my faithful Olga. 

The count's messenger still continued to watch over 
my welfare, and found accommodation for himself in 
the vicinity. 

From my window I could see the church steeple of 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 261 

the Austrian village through which I must pass in 
order to reach Salzburg, Vienna and Hungary. I 
was now on the borders of the Promised Land. A 
little wood separated me from it, at the extremity of 
which flowed a brook well known to the contraband- 
ists, since it separated Bavaria from Austria, and 
served them by night as a means of transit. 

I dared not risk it I It would be necessary for me 
to cross a bridge constantly guarded by a sentry. But 
once over the bridge I should have left Germany be- 
hind me! 

When I happened to be near Munich, I had re- 
gained possession of two favourite dogs. My love of 
dogs is well known. I did not wish to be separated 
from these, and I had an intuition that they would be 
of use to me in my flight. I thought tenderly of the 
clever Kiki, now a prisoner at Bad-Elster. His suc- 
cessors, like himself, would surely bring me luck I 
One was a big sheep-dog, the other a little griff'on. 

At first I hesitated to go near the bridge for fear 
lest I should be recognized. Then I reflected that it 
would seem suspicious to a sentry on duty if I always 
remained some distance away. My best method would 
be not to hide from the sentries, but to walk constantly 
with my dogs in their proximity. The soldiers (the 
same ones were always on duty) would soon get ac- 
customed to seeing me, and in their eyes I should only 
represent an inoffensive inhabitant of the village. 

The count's envoy begged me to hasten my depar- 
ture. I refused. He advised a nocturnal flight. I 



262 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

did not agree with him. I said : "I shall go when I 
see fit, at my own time, when I feel that the propi- 
tious moment has arrived." 

It is curious, but it is nevertheless true, that I al- 
ways experience a weird kind of intuition under diffi- 
culties. It is exactly as if some inner voice advised me 
what course to pursue. And whenever I have obeyed 
this intuition I have always been right. 

One morning I awakened under the domination of 
my unseen guide. 

"You must leave at noon to-day." 

I sent at once to the count's messenger. Thanks to 
his official papers he was able to cross the frontier 
with Olga without any difficulty. They therefore 
went on in advance. I arranged to meet them at the 
foot of the belfry in the Austrian village — so near and 
yet so far. 

If the sentry stopped me and questioned me, I 
should be a prisoner! . , . 

Towards noon I strolled along by the side of the 
brook, my big dog jumping round me, the tiny griffon 
in my arms. The autumnal sun was quite fierce, and 
the sentry was standing in the shade a little distance 
from the bridge. I sauntered across the bridge, as if 
it were a matter of course. The soldier took no no- 
tice. I walked away unconcernedly, but my heart was 
beating furiously! I was in Austria at last! Upon 
reaching the village I rejoined my "suite." A car- 
riage was waiting. I drove to Salzburg, and put up 



MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 263 

at a small hotel where I knew I should be in tempor- 
ary security. 

I waited three days for the arrival of my Vien- 
nese counsel, M. Stimmer, who had been secretly ad- 
vised of my return to Austria, and of my wish to 
proceed to Budapest under his protection. 

M. Stimmer responded to my appeal. He waived 
all the legal difficulties which might arise from the 
situation. The voice of humanity spoke more strong- 
ly than the voice of obedience to the order which had 
banished me from Austria, and given me over to 
the power of Germany, where I should inevitably 
have succumbed to misery and persecution. 

But in Hungary I should stand a chance of know- 
ing happier days. M. Stimmer decided to accompany 
me thither. 

I had reached the limit of my endurance when my 
wanderings came to an end at Budapest, and I found 
myself in a comfortable first-class hotel. The authori- 
ties saw nothing compromising in my presence. At 
my urgent request the count was allowed to leave the 
small town where he was interned, and remained near 
me for several days in order to discuss my affairs. 

Unfortunately the war was hopelessly prolonged. 
Life gradually became more and more difficult. Aus- 
tria and Hungary were no longer the victims of illu- 
sion. Enlightened by the knowledge of defeat, they 
cursed Berhn as the author of their misfortunes. 
Budapest was in a state of ferment. 

All at once everything collapsed. The wind of 



264 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

Bolshevism swept furiously over the Dual Monarchy. 
I now became familiar with the commissaries and sol- 
diers of the Revolution. I experienced visits of in- 
spection, perquisitions, interrogations. But suddenly 
my misfortunes disarmed even the savage leaders of 
Hungarian Communism. I have already mentioned 
how one of these men remarked when he saw to what 
poverty I was reduced: "Here is a king's daughter 
who is poorer than I am." 

If I were to live for centuries, I should still experi- 
ence in thought those poignant emotions which I un- 
derwent during the time of torment which overthrew 
thrones and threw crowns to the four winds of 
Heaven. Past ages have never witnessed such an up- 
heaval. 

On the banks of the Danube, between the east and 
the west, the downfall of Prussian power and the pres- 
tige of Monarchy was felt perhaps more keenly than 
elsewhere. 

I often wondered whether I was actually alive in 
the world I had formerly known, or if I was not the 
victim of a long-drawn-out nightmare. 

Our troubles, our worries, our own individuality 
are as naught in the whirlpool of human passions. I 
felt myself carried away with everything which sur- 
rounded me into the unknown country of a New Era. 



CHAPTER XX 

In the Hope of Rest 

And now that I have said all that I think is indis- 
pensable, perhaps my readers will make excuses for 
me if I have expressed myself badly in narrating the 
story of my sufferings. 

They will, perhaps, also make excuses for my having 
broken the silence which I have hitherto maintained. 

There has been endless discussion concerning me 
and my aiFairs. I have not wished it, I have not in- 
spired it. It has arisen solely through force of cir- 
cumstances. 

We are powerless against circumstances. Our Hves 
seem to be influenced more by others than by our- 
selves, and the fatality which often orders our actions 
and our days is not our choice. 

A moment's folly can wreck a whole life. This has 
been my personal experience. But I think that at 
first I was the person deceived, because I was not 
old enough to judge rightly and to see clearly. 

Can I grow old without obeying the duty to de- 
fend the truth, which has been so outraged by my 
enemies? Can I go down to the grave, misunderstood 

and slandered? 

265 



266 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

My life represents a succession of fatalities of which 
I was powerless to avert the final denouement. 

I have already said, and I repeat, I do not hold 
myself guiltless of errors, faults and wrongdoings. 
But one must, in justice, seek their primary cause in 
my disastrous marriage. 

My parents — ^particularly the Queen — saw nothing 
wrong in giving me to the Prince of Coburg when I 
was hardly more than a child. 

The King saw in this marriage the possibility of 
certain influences and a political union which would 
be useful to himself and to Belgium. 

The Queen was overjoyed at the thought that I 
was to make my home in Austria and Hungary, 
whence she had herself come, and where I should re- 
member her, and at the same time further my coun- 
try's glory and the King's ambitions. 

I have been sacrificed for the good of Belgium, and 
Belgium now includes Belgians who reproach me for 
the gift of my youth and happiness essentially des- 
tined for their benefit! Belgians to-day regard me 
as a German, a Hungarian — a foreigner — and worse 
even than that ! Alas for human gratitude ! 

Be that as it may, am I guilty of having voluntarily 
abandoned my country or of ceasing to love it? 

The whole of my being protests against this vile 
accusation. 

Of what then am I guilty? Of having left my hus- 
band and my children? 

I lived for twenty years at the most corrupt Court 



IN THE HOPE OF REST 267 

of Europe. I never yielded to its temptations or its 
follies. I gave birth to a son and a daughter^ I 
suckled them at my breast, and I reposed all my hopes 
of a mother in my children. My son's fate and how he 
left me is common knowledge. It is also well known 
how my daughter, influenced by her husband and her 
environment, has treated me. 

Of what was I actually guilty? It is true that find- 
ing myself at the end of my courage, and suffocating 
in the atmosphere of a home which for me was detest- 
able, I was about to succumb. . . . 

I was rescued at this crisis, and I dedicated my life 
to my deliverer. And, in consequence, my saviour 
was branded as a forger, and by dint of monetary 
persecutions and fines it was sought to annihilate 
him. 

Both of us have escaped from the murderers who 
desu'ed our destruction. 

Am I guilty of having struggled, of having re- 
mained faithful to fidelity, and of having resisted the 
efforts to overthrow me? 

The judgments of error and hatred matter little to 
me. I have remained the woman that I promised my 
sainted mother I would become — the idealist, who has 
lived on the heights. 

Am I guilty in the real meaning of morality and 
freedom? Many women who consider themselves in 
a position to cast the first stone at me have far more 
with which to reproach themselves! 

What remains to be said? 



268 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

This .... I believed, I believed in common with 
the greatest legal minds, that in the ordinary course 
of events I should inherit a fortune from my father. 
My inheritance was considerably encumbered and 
reduced owing to fraudulent schemes and wrongful 
judgments, which have been universally condemned. 

Am I guilty for having been deceived and plun- 
dered? 

Again it is said that my family was not united. Is 
this my fault? 

I always loved my flesh and blood more than my- 
self. Have I been found wanting in affection and re- 
spect towards my parents? Was I not to my sisters 
the adoring eldest sister who loved and cherished 
them? 

Am I guilty of the errors of the King and the 
Queen, the latter convinced by my persecutors of the 
gravity of my "illness," the former irritated — ^not by 
my independence, but by the scandal that it created? 

Am I guilty of the selfishness of my sisters — one 
the victim of narrow-mindedness, the other the victim 
of pohtical schemes? 

I freely admit this: I have certainly rebelled 
against disloyalty and restraint. But for what mo- 
tives? For what ends? 

My real crime has consisted in my effort to get my 
own property, in waiting for a fortune which I have 
not handled. 

The world only admires the victorious, no matter 
by what means they achieve victory. 



IN THE HOPE OF REST 269 

I have been a victim ever since my girlish feet were 
led into devious paths; I have always suffered de- 
feat. 

When the battle was over I did not ask pardon of 
untruth, injury, theft, or persecution. 

I might have been alone, I might have fallen under 
the burden of infamy and violence. But I would not 
yield because I was not fighting for myself alone. 

God has visibly sustained me, by animating my 
heart with feelings of esteem and gratitude for a 
chivalrous soul whom I have never heard utter a word 
of complaint, no matter how atrocious the intrigues 
and the cruelties which encompassed him. 

A base world has judged his devotion and my 
constancy from the lowest standpoint. 

Let such a world now realize that beings exist who 
are far above the sordid instincts to which humanity 
abandons itself, beings who, in a common aspiration 
to a lofty ideal, rise superior to all earthly weaknesses. 
The last lines of this short sketch of a life, the details 
of which would fill many volumes, must be a recogni- 
tion of my gratitude towards Count Geza Mattachich. 

I have not said a great deal about him, because he 
will think that even a little is too much. This silent 
man only appreciates silence. 

"Silence alone is strong, all the rest is weakness." 
Thus wrote Alfred de Vigny, and this line is the 
motto of the strong. 

But you know. Count, that unlike you I cannot 
force myself to be silent. I wish to invoke the vision 



270 MY OWN AFFAIRS 

of the hour when you first spoke those words which 
penetrated my conscience and cleansed and illumined 
it. From that hour, this light has been my guide. I 
have sought in suffering the road towards spiritual 
beauty. But you preceded me thither, and in the 
dark depths of the madhouse I looked towards your 
prison cell, and in so doing I escaped the horrors of 
insanity. 

We have had to submit to the assaults of covetous- 
ness and hypocrisy. 

We have struggled in the mire; we have been 
separated in wild lands. The world has only seen the 
splashes of mud and the tattered banner of our com- 
bat. It has ignored the cause, and its malevolence has 
never pardoned us for emerging from the fight as vic- 
tims. 

All this was very bitter at the time, but I never 
regret! My sufferings are dear to me because you. 
Count, have shared them, after having tried so ardent- 
ly to spare me. 

There is always a certain joy in bearing unmerited 
afflictions in the spirit of sacrifice. 

This spirit of sacrifice is peculiarly your own. I 
never possessed it. But you have endowed me with 
it. No gift has ever been so precious to my soul, and 
I shall be grateful to you on this side of the tomb 
and beyond it! 

I, who alone know you as you really are, and know 
the adoration that has given you a reason for living, 
I thank you, Count, in the twilight of my days for the 



IN THE HOPE OF REST 271 

nobility which you have always shown in this adora- 
tion. Shall I ever know, will you ever know, the 
meaning of rest otherwise than the last rest which is 
the lot of mankind? 

Will earthly justice ever render unto us the hoped- 
for reparations? 

Will it be possible for us to remain outlawed from 
the truth, and crushed by the abuse of power and 
human wickedness? 

Let it be as God wills! 



INDEX 



INDEX 



Agram, Princess Louise at, Austria, return of Princess 



199-201 
Albert, King of the Belgians, 56 
Albert, Prince Consort, influ- 
ence of, 134 
Queen Victoria and, 183 
Alexandrine, Princess, of Saxe- 

Coburg, 79 
Alice, Princess, of Hesse, be- 
trothal of, to Nicholas II, 
182 
character of, 182 
Amelie, Princess, of Saxe-Co- 
burg, marriage with Maxi- 
milian of Bavaria, 87 
Ardennes, Royal picnics in, 58 
Augusta (of Schleswig-Hol- 
stein), German Empress, 
96, 152 
bad taste in dress of, 162 
character of, l6l 
Duke Gunther's marriage 

and, 164 
influence on outbreak of war 

of, 170 
mediocrity of, 181 
Princess Louise and, l62 
Augusta (wife of William I), 
German Empress, Prin- 
cess Louise and, l6l 
Auguste, Prince, of Saxe-Co- 
burg, 61, 134, 136 
as Count Helpa, 86 
Ausbach, M., Burgomaster of 

Brussels, 74 
Austria, Princess Louise or- 
dered from, 252 



Louise to, 262 
Automobiles, Princess Louise 
on, 59 

Bad-Elster, escape of Prin- 
cess Louise from, 219 
Princess Louise taken to, 218 
Beatrice, Princess (of Batten- 
berg), 182 
Belgian Government, will of 

Leopold II and, 234 
Belgium, constitution of, 41 
fortitude of, 14 
indignation in Berlin against, 

57 
King Leopold's fortune and, 

46-47 
Leopold's anti-German pol- 
icy and, 152 
Princess Louise and, 52, 54, 

55 
Princess Louise's escape 

through, 227-229 
Princess Louise's escape 

tionality in, 251 
"sacrifice" of Princess Lou- 
ise to, 266 
Belgium, Royal House of, and 

its connexions, SO 
Berlin-Bagdad railway, 155 
Berlin, Court of, under Wil- 
liam I, 161 
under William II, I6I-I62 
Biarritz, Belgian Royal fam- 
ily at, 65 
Birthday oaks at Laeken, 51 



275 



276 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 



Bismarck, Count von, l6l, 163 
Blanche de Nemours, 62 
Bologna, Princess Louise at, 

89, 92 
Bolshevism at Budapest, 89, 

264 
Boucottes, Chateau of. Em- 
press Charlotte at, 229 
Brown, John, and Queen Vic- 
toria, 185-186 
Brussels, plots against Prin- 
cess Louise in, 211 
Princess Louise an "enemy 
princess" in, 55-56 
Brussels, Palace at, inconven- 
iences of, 35 
portrait of Charles I by Van 
Dyck, in, 63 
Budapest, Bolshevism at, 89, 
264 
Count Mattachich interned 

at, 256 
Princess Louise at, 80, 89 
Society at, 91 
war experiences in, 263 

Cannes, Princess Louise at, 

89, 93 
Chantilly, Princess Louise at, 

60 
Charlotte, Empress of Mexico, 

fortune of, 46, 55, 229, 

242, 254 
Chartres, Due de, 59 
Chartres, Duchesse de, 59, 

92 
Chauteaubriand, Princess Lou- 
ise and, 28 
Chateau d'Eu, Princess Louise 

at, 61 
Chotek, Countess, camarilla 

against, 114, 115 
created Duchess of Hohen- 

berg, 113 
influence in Austrian politics 

of, 114 



Chotek, Countess, marriage 
with Francis Ferdinand 
d'Este, 113 
Claremont, Queen Marie 

Amelie at, 61 
Clementine, Princess, of Bel- 
gium, accepts Belgian 
Government's offer, 233 
as horsewoman, 58 
as musician, 37 
birth of, 35, 48 
birthday oak at Lacken of, 5 1 
Leopold II's attitude to, 49 
marriage of, 63 
Clementine, Princess (of Or- 
leans), 61 
at Coburg Palace, 83 
Ferdinand of Bulgaria and, 

135, 140-141 
Ferdinand's wife and, 143 
Princess Louise and, 86 
Clotilde, Archduchess, of Saxe- 
Coburg, 87 
at Budapest, 90 
character of, 90 
Coburg, family of, 134 
Coburg, Prince of (see Philip 
of Saxe ^ Coburg and 
Gotha) 
Coburg, Royal gatherings at, 

180-182 
Coburg Estates in Hungary, 

73 
Coburg Palace, Princess Lou- 
ise at, 24, 78 
Conde, Prince de, 60 
Congo, King Leopold's policy 
for, 46, 47 
King Leopold's will and, 232 
Cyril, Grand Duchess {see 
Melita, Princess) 

Daszynski, Deputy, on Count 
Mattachich, 205-207 

d'Aumale, Due, as friend of 
Belgium, 60 



INDEX 



277 



d'Aumale, Due, at Princess 
Louise's wedding, 74 
friendship of, with Queen of 
Belgium, 60 
Delehaye, M., on King Leo- 
pold I, 67, 68 
d'Este, Francis Ferdinand, 
camarilla against, 115, 
116 
influence of Duchess of Ho- 

henberg on, 115 
marriage with Countess 
Chotek of, 113 
Doebling Asylum, Princess 
Louise in, 168, 201, 202, 
203 
Donny, General, 51, 58 
Dora, daughter of Princess 
Louise, birth of, 96 
leaves her mother, 168, 194 
marriage with Duke Gunther 
of Schleswig-Holstein, 96, 
164, 165, 166, 168 
Princess Louise's fruitless 

appeal to, 258 
"wickedness" of, towards 
mother, 255 
Dresden, Princess Louise at, 
79 

Edward VII at Princess Lou- 
ise's wedding, 74 

German Emperor and, 152 

John Brown and, 186 
Elizabeth, daughter of Arch- 
duke Rudolph, 124 
Elizabeth, Empress of Austria, 
after death of Archduke 
Rudolph, 131-132 

and Heinrich Heine, 110 

as "Martyr," 109 

as "Queen of Queens," 70 

character of. 111 

death of, 132 

meeting between Princess 
Louise and, 110-112 



Emperor of Austria {see 

Francis Joseph) 
Empress Frederick, character 

of, 161, 181 
Empress of Austria {see 

Elizabeth, Empress of 

Austria) 
Ernest, Duke, of Saxe-Coburg, 

79, 134 
Princess Louise and, 179 
Etienne, Archduke, 66 
Eucharistic Congress (1914), 

Emperor Francis Joseph 

at, 132-133 



Faure, M., duets with Queen 

Henriette, 33 
Ferdinand of Bulgaria, adopts 
title of Tsar, 141 

as "Emperor of Byzantium," 
139 

character of, 86, 108, 135 

downfall of, 149 

enmity of, to Princess Lou- 
ise, 148 

excommunication of, 144 

marriage of, 142 

mother's influence on, 135 

Princess Louise and, 136- 
138, 144-149 

sons of, baptized into Greek 
Church, 142 
Flandre, Comte and Comtesse 
of, 61 

visit Princess Louise at Lin- 
denhof, 210 
France, politics and religion 

in, 114 
Francis Joseph, Emperor of 
Austria, 13 

and Princess Louise's scan- 
dals, 106-107 

at Eucharistic Congress 
(1914), 133 

Berlin and, 155 



278 



MY OWX AFFAIRS 



Francis Joseph, character of, 

100,152 
death of Archduke Rudolph 

and, 102 
greatness of, 70 
"justice" of, 99 
Madame Schratt and, 101, 

102, 133 
"madness" of, regarding 

war, 251 
personal appearance of, 152, 

154 
refuses help to Princess 

Louise, 108 
Frederick, Crown Prince, 72 
at Princess Louise's wed- 
ding, 74 
Frederick, Emperor, character 

of, 151-152, 161 
Fugger, Countess, fidelity of, 

197, 201, 209 



Gerard, Queen Henriette's 

maitre-d'hotel, 37 
German Emperor {see William 

H) 
Germany, evil influence of 
Prussia on, 151, 170, 176 
legendary philosophy of, 

176 
treatment of ex-kings by, 

178 
William II responsible for 
crimes of, 151, 159 
Goethe, as Princess Louise's 

favourite author, 28 

Gotha, Princess Louise at, 79 

Gunther, Duke of Schleswig- 

Holstein, character of, 

164 

coerces Princess Louise at 

Munich, 253 
Count Mattachich and, 167 
fortune of Leopold II and, 
57 



Gunther, Duke of Schleswig- 

Holstein, marriage of, with 

Princess Dora, 96, 164- 

165 

warns Princess Louise, 199 

Heine, Heinrich, Empress 
Elizabeth and, 110 
Princess Louise's estimate 
of, 110 
Helpa, Count {see Auguste of 

Saxe-Coburg) 
Henriette, Queen of Belgium, 
16 
and death of Prince Leopold, 

38-39 
as horsewoman, 34, 58 
beauty and character of, 31, 

32, 33, 38, S9 
death of, at Spa, 54 
friendship of, with Due 

d'Aumale, 60 
influence at Vienna of, 73 
influence on Princess Louise, 

35-36, 51, 53 
King Leopold and, 38-39, 

42, 45, 48 
letters of, to Princess Louise 

at Lindenhof, 210 
marriage of, 30 
parents of, 30 

Princess Louise's marriage 
and, 69, 72, 266 
Hesse, Grand Duke of, mar- 
riage of, with Princess 
Melita, 181-182 
Hofburg Palace, Vienna, Prin- 
cess Louise at, 98 
Hohenberg, Duchess of {see 

Chotek, Countess) 
Hoyoz, Count, at Meyerling, 

128 
Hungary, Coburg estates in, 
73 

John, Archduke (John Orth), 
disappearance of, 112 



INDEX 



279 



Joinville, Prince de, 60 
Joseph, Archduke, at Princess 
Louise's wedding, 74 
at Sadowa, SO 
palace of, at Buda, 90 

Keglevich, Count, and Count 
Mattachich, 200, 201 

Keglevich, Countess, Princess 
Louise and Count Matta- 
chich take refuge with, 
198 

Laeken, Chateau of, child- 
hood of Princess Louise 

at, 63, 66, 78 
commemoration oak trees at, 

51 
inconveniences of, 35 
King Leopold and gardens 

at, 44-45 
marriage of Princess Louise 

at, 76 
Queen Henrietta's feat of 

horsemanship at, 34 
Royal children's gardens at, 

51 
Lantsheere, M. de, address to 

the Senate by, 248-250 
Le Journal, Princess Louise 

and, 215 
Leopold I, death of, 31, 43 

influence of, 134 
Leopold II of Belgium, 13, 14 
accession of, 31 
administration of Empress 

Charlotte's fortune by, 46 
attitude towards daughters 

of, 48-49 
Belgian Government on, 236- 

237 
Belgium and fortune of, 46- 

47, 230 
character of, 39, 41 
colonial policy of, 42, 46 
death of, 236 



Leopold II of Belgium, fore- 
thought against Germany 
of, 152 
fortune of, 46, 47, 48, 95, 

165, 168, 190, 231, 254 
gardens at Laeken and, 44, 

45 
influence of death of son on, 

48 
lawsuit concerning fortune 

of, 230 
love of flowers of, 44 
marriage of, 30 
marriage of Princess Louise 

and, 117, 266 
marriage of Princess Steph- 
anie and, 117 
on "blindness" of France, 

114 
on William II, 152 
personality of, 42-43 
Princess Louise at funeral 

of, 54, 165, 168 
sarcasm of, 22 
will of, 240-241 
Leopold, Prince, of Belgium, 
birth of, 35 
birthday oak at Laeken ofj 

51 
character of, 66-67 
childhood of, 66-67 
death of, 35, 38, 48, 65 
Leopold, son of Princess Lou- 
ise, death of, 95 
relations of, with mother, 
95 
Lindenhof, Princess Louise in 

asylum of, 209 
Lobor, Chateau of. Princess 
Louise and Count Matta- 
chich take refuge at, 198 
Louis II of Bavaria, character 

of, 172-174 
Louis III of Bavaria, charac- 
ter of, 173-174 
Louis Philippe, King, 61 



280 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 



Louis Victor, Archduke, as in- 
stigator of persecution of 
Princess Louise, 103, 104, 
105, 107 
Louise, Princess, alleged mad- 
ness of, 53, 168, 170, 199, 
205, 208 
appeal to Munich courts by, 

256 
Archduke Louis Victor and, 

103 
Archduke Rudolph and, 120- 

122, 125, 126, 127 
arrest of, 202 
as eldest daughter, 35 
as horsewoman, 58-59 
as mother, 94, 267 
as Princess of Coburg, 56, 

80 
at Agram, 199-201 
at Biarritz, 65 
at Bologna, 89, 92 
at Budapest, 80, 89 
at Cannes, 89, 92 
at Chantilly, 60 
at Chateau d'Eu, 6l 
at Coburg Palace, 24, 

78 
at father's funeral, 54 
at Queen Victoria's Jubilee 

celebrations, 187 
at Regensburg, 176-177 
attitude of King and Queen 

towards, 43-44, 191 
Belgium's treatment of, 14 
betrothal of, 69 
birth of daughter to, 96 
birthday oak at Laeken of, 

51 
Bolshevists and, 13, 14, 89, 

264 
childhood of, 35, 44, 63 
coercion of, by Duke Gun- 

ther, 253-254 
Comtesse de Flandre's visit 
to, at Lindenhof, 210 



Louise, Princess, conjugal life 
of, 52 
Count Mattachich, at Nice 

with, 166, 167, 194, 195; 

attempts release of, 212 
Court of Vienna and, 20 
daughter's desertion of, l68 
declared sane by French 

doctors, 229 
departure for Austria of, 78 
differences with husband of, 

83, 91, 105, 106, 107 
divorce of, 55 
Dr. Sudekum's assistance to, 

219 
Emperor William and, 151, 

156 
Empress Augusta and, l6l- 

162 
enemies of, 16, 17 
enmity of Ferdinand of Bul- 
garia to, 148 
escape of, from Bad-Elster, 

219 
exile of, 51 

extravagance of, 189-190 
favourite authors of, 27-28 
feelings for Belgium of, 

14 
Ferdinand of Bulgaria and, 

137-139, 144-149 
flight from Silesia of, 258- 

260 
flight with Count Matta- 
chich of, 197 
Heinrich Heine and, 110 
hereditary qualities of, 21, 

24, 25, 26 
ideals of, 23 
in asylum at Lindenhof and 

Purkesdorf, 208 
incident on wedding night 

of, 75-77 
infancy of, 31, 35 
King Leopold and marriage 

of, 117 



INDEX 



281 



Louise, Princess, King Leo- 
pold's fortune and, 46 
lawsuit of, concerning the 

King's fortune, 280 
Le Journal and, 215 
life in asylums of, 168, 191- 

192, 201, 202, 203, 205 
marriage of, 15, 49, 74 
meeting of Empress Eliza- 
beth and, 110-112 
misfortunes of, 13, l6 
mother's influence on, 35, 36, 

39, 51, 53 
mother's letters to, at Lin- 

denhof, 210 
M. Stimmer's assistance to, 

263 
on motor-cars, 59 
on Shakespeare, 28-29 
on the theatre, 28 
"peculiarities" and "weak- 
nesses" of, 189 
predominant quality of, 20 
presentation to Emperor 

Francis Joseph of, 100 
Princess Clementine of Co- 
burg and, 6l 
Queen Marie Amelie and, 

61-62 
Queen Victoria and, 183 
receives 5,000,000 francs 

under King's will, 244 
relations with son of, 95 
religion and, 158-159 
renunciation of rights signed 

by, 255 
restoration of Belgian na- 
tionality to, 55-56 
return to Austria of, 262 
"sacrifice" to Belgium of, 

266 
sufferings during the war of, 

251 
taken to Bad-Elster, 218 
takes refuge with Count 
Mattachich at Countess 



Keglevich's chateau, 198, 
199 
Louise, Princess, Vienna scan- 
dals and, 105-109 
visit to Duke Ernest of, 179 
visit to Rosenau of, 179 
visit to Sofia of, 144 
visit to Spa of, 37 
war experiences at Mimich 
of, 55, 252 
Louise, Queen of Belgium, 67 
Luitpold, Prince, Regent of 

Bavaria, 172 
Lutheranism, Princess Louise 
on, 158-159, 170 

Marguerite, Princess, of 

Thurn and Taxis, 178 
Marie, Duchess, of Saxe-Co- 

burg-Gotha, 179 
Marie, Princess, of Saxe-Co- 
burg (Queen of Ruma- 
nia), beauty of, 180 
Marie Amelie, Queen, 62 
Marie Dorothee of Habsburg, 
marriage with Duke Phil- 
ip of Orleans, 87, 88 
Marie Louise of Parma, flight 
to Vienna of, 142-144 
marriage of, with Ferdinand 

of Bulgaria, 142 
return to Sofia of, 144 
Marriage, disillusionment of, 
15, 75, 76, 82-83 
reflections on, 195 
Mattachich, Count Geza, 18, 
52 
ability of, 269 
arrest of, at Agram, 203; at 

Munich, 256 
assists Princess Louise to es- 
cape from Germany, 258- 
260 
character of, 193 
charge of forgery against, 
196, 203 



282 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 



Mattachich, Count Geza, Count 
Keglevich and, 199-200 
discussion in Reichsrath of, 

205-207 
duel with Prince Philip and, 

195 
Duke Gunther and, 167 
efforts of, to release Princess 
"pardon" of, 212 
Emperor William and, 169 
flight with Princess Louise 

of, 197-198 
follows Princess Louise to 

Bad-Elster, 219 
imprisonment of, 196 
internment at Budapest of, 

256 
" pardon " of, 212 
public indignation at treat- 
ment of, 210 
takes refuge with Princess 
Louise at Chateau Lober, 
198 
with Princess Louise at Nice, 
166, 167, 194, 195 
Maximilian^, of Bavaria, mar- 
riage and death of, 87-88 
Melita, Princess, marriage with 
Grand Duke of Hesse, 182 
Meyerling, tragedy at, 108, 

118-119, 126-128 
Moellersdorf Peni t e n t i a r y. 
Count Mattachich in, 211 
Moltke, Marshal von, l6l 
Monarchy, principles of, 174, 

181 
Moniteur on King Leopold, 236 
Montpensier, Due de, 60 

palace of, at Cannes, 92 
Munich, Court of, 172 

insubordination to Prussia 

of, 173 
Princess Louise's appeal to 

courts of, 256 
war experiences of Princess 
Louise at, 55, 252 



Nice, Count Mattachich and 
Princess Louise at, 194, 
195 
Nicholas II, betrothal to Prin- 
cess Alice of Hesse, 182 
character of, 182 
Niederfullbach, report of, 230 
Nietzsche, "that fool," 149 
Nymphenburg, Prince Luit- 
pold at, 173 

Orleans family, 59, 87, 88 
Orleans, Prince of (see Philip, 

Duke of Orleans) 
Orth, John (see John, Arch- 
duke) 

Paris, Comtesse de, 61 
Parma, house of, and excom- 
munication of Ferdinand, 
144 
Philip, Duke of Orleans, mar- 
riage of, 87, 88 
Philip of Saxe-Coburg and Go- 
tha, as Austrian prince, 56 
at Meyerling, 128, 130, 131 
betrothal of, 69-70 
differences with Princess 

Louise, 83, 91-92 
divorce of, 55 
duel with Count Mattachich, 

109, 195 
"madness" of Princess 

Louise and, 199 
marriage of, 74 
Pierson, Dr., medical superin- 
tendent at Lindenhof, 210, 
216, 217 
Prague, Princess Louise at, 79- 

80 
Prussia, evil influence on Ger- 
many of, 151, 170, 176 
responsibility for war of, 
251 
Prussian Royal House, descent 
of, 156 



INDEX 



283 



Purkesdorfj Princess Louise in 
asylum at, 208 

Queen of Belgium (see Henri- 
ette. Queen of Belgium) 

Queen of Greece (see Sophie, 
Queen of Greece) 

Queen of Rumania (see Marie, 
Princess, of Saxe-Coburg) 

Regensburg^ Court life at, 176, 

177 
Beichsrath, discussion on Count 

Mattachich in, 205, 206 
Religion, Princess Louise on, 

158, 159, 171 
Republic, principles of, 175 
Reuss, Prince of, 119, 120, 126 
Right of Princes, 55, 56 
Romanoff, House of, relations 

with Coburg of, 181 
Rosenau, Princess Louise at, 

179 
Rudolph, Archduke, Archduke 
John and, 112, 113 
characteristics of, 123, 129, 

130, 172 
death of, 108, 113, 118, 126 
Empress Elizabeth and, 110 
marriage of, 63, 117, 118, 

122 
Mary Vetsera and, 118, 119, 

121, 125 

Princess Louise and, 120- 

122, 125-127 
Russia, Court of, 181 

Saint Antoine, Chateau of, 
94 

Saxe-Coburg, Duke of, at Prin- 
cess Louise's wedding, 
74 

Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Court life 
of, 178 

Schaumbourg, Chateau of. 
Archduke Stephen at, 30 



Schratt, Madame, Emperor 
Francis Joseph and, 101, 
102, 133 
Serge, Grand Duchess, 181 
Shakespeare, Princess Louise 

and, 28 
Social Democracy, 176 
Socialists and Count Matta- 
chich, 205-207 
Societe des Sites, 246 
Sofia, flight of Marie Louise 
from, 143 
Princess Louise at, 144 
Soignies, Forest of, 51 
Sophie, Queen of Greece, 20 
Spa, death of Queen of Belgium 
at, 54 
visit of Princess Louise to, 
37 
StanfFerberg, Count of, 177 
Stephanie, Princess, of Bel- 
gium, birth of, 35 
birthday oak at Laeken of, 

51 
childhood of, 44, 62 
Count Mattachich's alleged 
forgery of signature of, 
203, 204 
King Leopold and marriage 

of, 117, 122 
King Leopold's attitude to- 
wards, 49 
last letter of Rudolph to, 

131 
lawsuit over King's fortune 

and, 233 
marriage of, 49, 63, 117, 118 
serious illness of, 64, 65 
Vienna scandals and, 105 
Stephen, Archduke, exile of, 

30 
Stimmer, M., assists Princess 
Louise on return to Aus- 
tria, 263 
Sudekum, Dr., escape of Prin- 
cess Louise and, 227, 228 



284 



MY OWN AFFAIRS 



"The Account of the inheri- 
tance o£ His Majesty Leo- 
pold 11/' 231 

Theatre, Queen Henriette on, 
33, 34 
thoughts on, 28 

Thurn and Taxis, Court of, 
176-178 

Tsar of Bulgaria {see Ferdi- 
nand of Bulgaria) 

Van den Smissin, 58 

Van Dyck, portrait of Charles 

I by, 63 
Vetsera, Mary, Archduke Eu- 
dolph and, 118, 125 
description of, 120 
Vienna, after the war in, 98 
Vienna, Court of, camarilla 
against Francis Ferdi- 
nand at, 115 
decadence and downfall of, 

99, 132 
etiquette at, 70 
Ferdinand at, 116 
Princess Louise declared 
enemy subject by, 251-252 
Victor Napoleon, Prince, mar- 
riage of, with Princess 
Clementine, 63 
Victoria, Queen, 183 
character of, 184 
jubilee celebrations of, 186, 

187 
Princess Alice and Princess 
Beatrice as readers to, 182 



Victoria, Queen, Princess 
Louise seeks aid of, 197 

Villa Eugenie, Biarritz, Bel- 
gian Royal family at, 65- 

Vladimir, Grand Duchess, 181 

Wales, Prince of (Edward 
VII), at Princess Louise's 
wedding, 74 
Waltz, the, as "incomparable 

queen of dances," 92 
Wiemmer, Dr., 58, 64, 65 
William I, 151 

William II, German Emperor, 

as "scourge of God," 57- 

58 

as welt Kaiser, 139, 155 

character of, 150, 180, 181 

Count Mattachich and, 169* 

170 
Duchess Gunther and, 169 
Empress Frederick and, 181 
Princess Louise and, 151, 

156, 170 
responsibility of, for war and 
German war crimes, 151^ 
155, 156, 159 
visit to Vienna of, 162 
Windisgretz, Princess of, 124 
Windsor, Queen Victoria's life 

at, 185 
Wittelsbach, family of, 174 
Woman, influence of, in Gov- 
ernments, 27 
Women and the war, 15 



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